brokenhearted

[dfeeted]

Hi Everyone, I this is my first time doing something like this. Hopefully by taking this step it will help me to come to some kind of terms that I can feel at peace, that so far I can't seem to find. I am divorced for 13 years now and am remarried,happily six years now. I have a child from my first marriage and one from my second. This issue is with the first marriage. We have joint custody. Personnaly at this point that means nothing at all and the legal system is bound by circumstance and nothing is in stone. My child ( normal healthy, happy well adjusted child) decided last december to leave my home and live full time with her father and his wife and their child and I never saw it coming. There was a tremendous amount of stress at our home for sometime. Lost jobs, albeit for a short amount of time, death of a close family member, ill parents, inlaws, surgery for myself etc, you get the picture. However through it all my husband and I did our best to keep things normal. I was suffering from Depression and was seeking help. I still am. Apparently my ex, had been telling my child for some time prior to this that if she wanted to live with them all she had to do was say so. I immediately sought legal advise, friend advice, family advice, anyone who was willing to offer up something to help advice with nothing concrete to stand on. Just that this was a part of being 13. I asked for councelling for my daughter and myself and my ex didn't feel it was warranted. We did end up going however damage has already been done. Short of it all I have seen my daughter three times for no more than an hour since December. Once at councelling, once as she was ill and once at her graduation ceremony, which I was not part of the preparation or excitement that should have been associated with a mother daughter relationship. The step mother took my place and has taken my place. I miss my daughter. She has obtained new found freedom living with her father and has completely no interest in our family or her grandparents.
Sorry this is so long. I don't know whether to let sleeping giants lie or be the B@#$* exwife and take a stand and run the risk of alienating my daughter further. All I want to do is see my daughter. She is too busy having a blast and her father and his wife are not encouraging her to see us, or communicate with us.
Any thoughts?

 

[brokendad]

It is indeed unfortunate that your ex-husband would act in a manner that is clearly not in the best interest of his child. I would consult a lawyer and see if you have grounds for parent alienation being caused by your ex, at the same time I would talk to the same lawyer about a parenting co-ordinator, the idea being that they may be able to mediate or advocate on your behalf but be prepared for a lot of flak from your ex, his spouse, your daughter and maybe even your lawyer. All that said as you obviously love this girl donnot give up with what is right as a parent for both you and her.
The fact that your daughter is coasting on her new freedom does not take away from the issue that she is still a child and needs all the support and guidance from you her mother. Be strong and fight for what is right---people will do what is easy for them and works your ex has made it to easy for your daughter to leave, get every single one of her and your rights asserted,
In my humble opinion.

 

[logicalvelocity]

dfeeted,

Welcome to the forum

Sorry to hear about your circumstance.

It appears on the face of it that your child has been persuaded. This situation has blind sided yourself and has caught you off guard. If it was me I would take the matter to court by way of a application and or motion and attempt to obtain at the very least a regular access regime.

To me, a child of the age of 13 can easily be persuaded and lacks the emotional and mental capacity to severe a parent child relationship. Moreover, the custodial parent has an obligation to endorse and support the relationship between you and your child. Perhaps, having the office of the children's lawyer to represent the child and conduct collateral interviews would shed independent light on your daughter's current stance. As your child's other parent, I believe you have a right to know why this occurring.


lv

 

[Ihave2kidsIcannotsee]

A childrens lawyer will do nothing to help you we tried this and all she does is represent what the childrens wishes are and she does not dig in to see if parent alienation syndrome is going on. I am in the same boat and am also at a loss as to what to do . I have not seen my children now for 5 years. Don't let this continue for if it does you will not see her at all becuase she will not want to see you, Get a lawyer and try to see if you can go the Parent alienation syndrome route don't wait though the longer you wait the worse it gets to prove this is happening.