Brainwashing
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arabian
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hadenough: yeah actually it was 29 yrs 11 months and 23 days!!!! My lawyer promised me I'd be divorced before the 30th anniversary. I go to court this coming Wednesday and I'm dreading the whole gong-show. At least this year my ex has a lawyer. Last 4 times in court I felt embarrassed every time he got up and talked. I felt like the judge was looking at me and thinking "you were actually married to this idiot?"
Yes hope there will be happy times ahead. I'm hoping to move in the next few months so the ex's girlfriend can't follow me and honk the horn while driving by.
Yes hope there will be happy times ahead. I'm hoping to move in the next few months so the ex's girlfriend can't follow me and honk the horn while driving by.
Berner_Faith
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While I respect your point of view, not everyone is like that. I for one, do not speak to his ex regarding anything about their divorce. I simply provide him with the information and he does as he chooses.
That being said, when it comes to drop off/pick ups I am the one who communicates with the ex... her and I get along better then they do, so it is easier on all involved if I just do the pick ups/drop offs (most of the time). I guess I am different and realize that she is their mother and I will never be their mother. I don't expect them to call me Mom, nor do I act like their Mom.
Like I said, I ca respect your view because you have had the unfortunate part of having to deal with the ex's new partner, however just be aware that not all of us new partners are like that. Some of us can be mature and act like adults, not all of us have to act like childish bit**es
My husband sometimes prefers to deal with his ex-wife's new husband. He is much more reasonable to deal with truth be told.
But she will not deal with me at all. Messed up!
We registered S9 to play soccer with his brother this summer. It's 2 fixed nights a week. His mother called him this morning and asked him if he wanted to play baseball this summer (2 random nights a week). We hear her say "I know you are in soccer already, but do you think it would be too much?". He says no. She says "well it might be that you just play baseball when you're with me but not when you're at Daddys".
The kids are week on week off this summer. So on the off weeks he's going to miss either baseball or soccer because there will inevitably be games ending up on the same nights. How can you be a team player when you're only there half the time? Nothing like setting Dad up to be the bad guy who makes him miss baseball. We have 3 boys in sports this summer, we are not SuperMan for christ sakes.
She just couldn't stand that we were the ones who signed him up for soccer this summer. My husband is furious. She just never stops.
But she will not deal with me at all. Messed up!
We registered S9 to play soccer with his brother this summer. It's 2 fixed nights a week. His mother called him this morning and asked him if he wanted to play baseball this summer (2 random nights a week). We hear her say "I know you are in soccer already, but do you think it would be too much?". He says no. She says "well it might be that you just play baseball when you're with me but not when you're at Daddys".
The kids are week on week off this summer. So on the off weeks he's going to miss either baseball or soccer because there will inevitably be games ending up on the same nights. How can you be a team player when you're only there half the time? Nothing like setting Dad up to be the bad guy who makes him miss baseball. We have 3 boys in sports this summer, we are not SuperMan for christ sakes.
She just couldn't stand that we were the ones who signed him up for soccer this summer. My husband is furious. She just never stops.
hadenough
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It would have been idyllic if I could have dealt w/her instead of him, but he had her convinced that I was a psycho that was still madly in love with him! The thought of it makes me cringe. HE knows I can't stand him, but he likes that she thinks I want her "man" lol.
I realized on the day she sent me about 12 psychotic email rants that she was painfully stupid and beyond help. Arabian: I know what you mean about feeling embarrassed in Court w/a bumbling ex sitting on the other side of the room. I commented on that in a different thread.
Anyway, BF: sounds like your situation is mostly under control and that's good. CCB and her husband are not likely to get the ex-wife to behave more reasonably, but they do need to focus all efforts on keeping the son close by. To both CCB and BF; your guys sound very involved with their children and that's great. My son's dad is EOW and can't manage that sometimes. As for his wife: it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if 2 or 3 yrs down the road, she's dragging him to Court.
I realized on the day she sent me about 12 psychotic email rants that she was painfully stupid and beyond help. Arabian: I know what you mean about feeling embarrassed in Court w/a bumbling ex sitting on the other side of the room. I commented on that in a different thread.
Anyway, BF: sounds like your situation is mostly under control and that's good. CCB and her husband are not likely to get the ex-wife to behave more reasonably, but they do need to focus all efforts on keeping the son close by. To both CCB and BF; your guys sound very involved with their children and that's great. My son's dad is EOW and can't manage that sometimes. As for his wife: it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if 2 or 3 yrs down the road, she's dragging him to Court.
hadenough
New member
Arabian: that's funny - "the Gong Show" (that made me laugh!) and the same could be said for our Court appearances (and trial.)
He acted like a monkey chewing on a fly-swatter, which would normally be cute, if it were an actual monkey
Good Luck with your move. Pretty sad that your ex's partner has nothing more constructive to do with her time but drive by your house. I've come to the frightening conclusion that some people NEVER grow up. They love Drama and their own sad sense of self-worth is derived from being as pathetic as possible. You gotta chuckle a little at that. I do.
**GONG!!!**
He acted like a monkey chewing on a fly-swatter, which would normally be cute, if it were an actual monkey
Good Luck with your move. Pretty sad that your ex's partner has nothing more constructive to do with her time but drive by your house. I've come to the frightening conclusion that some people NEVER grow up. They love Drama and their own sad sense of self-worth is derived from being as pathetic as possible. You gotta chuckle a little at that. I do.
**GONG!!!**
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arabian
New member
My son (30 now) and his father were fairly close and used to travel and do lots of things together until my ex got involved with his employee's wife. To set the record straight be know I am quite relieved that I'm divorced from him and could care less if he's with someone else (sucker). Throughout our separation and divorce I encouraged my ex and my son to try to keep up some sort of relationship. The girlfriend just couldn't let the two of them get together on their own - always had to be there which bothered my son to no end as he really didn't enjoy seeing them act like idiots and suck face all the time. My ex was pretty adamant that my son "has to accept this new woman." Well no he doesnt - he's not a child. Now my son has absolutely nothing to do with his father, and I mean NOTHING. I believe they might talk to each other once a year when my ex goes to my son's place of employment. Pretty sad.
hadenough
New member
My son's father RARELY if ever does anything one on one with the child. It's been this way since he departed. As much as I dislike EX, and I don't believe he's a great influence (of any kind) it's pretty tragic that he cannot put aside time w/his son. He often cancels the Wed afterschool pick up w/excuses like "the baby is sick" (has 2 kids w/new partner) and blah blah blah. If I had a buck for every excuse, my house would be paid off.
I can see our son ending up feeling as your (adult) son does, Arabian. One thing that is evident: new partners should encourage their husband/wife to spend quality one on one time with their children from previous marriages. I look very closely at how men I've dated treat their kids. It's a telling sign of who they really are. Personally, I would find it very disturbing if a man I was dating did not show very obvious signs that he's a good father. The way people treat their ex's and first families says a lot.
I also would not interfere with any dealings with an ex. I think I kinda cleared that up in a previous post though when I said (more or less) that I wouldn't go near anyone embroiled in Family-Lit with a barge pole
Arabian: your experience is a case in point and fast forward scenario (your son is 30) of how badly and profoundly relationships can be damaged (between father and son). Yes for the younger 2nd families out there it's important for the kids to gel in etc., but it is very important that parents spend some one on one time - with ALL of their kids. PS: it's not that I have anything against ppl who are in court/litigation - I know too well how unavoidable it can be... I just couldn't go through it again. I'm even telling my mother to get ALL her affairs in order b/c I just don't want to be forever in Court or w/lawyers for the rest of my life :s
I can see our son ending up feeling as your (adult) son does, Arabian. One thing that is evident: new partners should encourage their husband/wife to spend quality one on one time with their children from previous marriages. I look very closely at how men I've dated treat their kids. It's a telling sign of who they really are. Personally, I would find it very disturbing if a man I was dating did not show very obvious signs that he's a good father. The way people treat their ex's and first families says a lot.
I also would not interfere with any dealings with an ex. I think I kinda cleared that up in a previous post though when I said (more or less) that I wouldn't go near anyone embroiled in Family-Lit with a barge pole
Arabian: your experience is a case in point and fast forward scenario (your son is 30) of how badly and profoundly relationships can be damaged (between father and son). Yes for the younger 2nd families out there it's important for the kids to gel in etc., but it is very important that parents spend some one on one time - with ALL of their kids. PS: it's not that I have anything against ppl who are in court/litigation - I know too well how unavoidable it can be... I just couldn't go through it again. I'm even telling my mother to get ALL her affairs in order b/c I just don't want to be forever in Court or w/lawyers for the rest of my life :s
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