Benefits

S

Star7ontario

New member
Hi! Yes I'm angry! This divorce stuff gets me tied in knots.

I have a petty question but I want it in my back pocket if I need it and it's a valid argument.

I'm divorced and prefer to have nothing to do with my ex.

I've remarried and my husband has put my children from my past marriage on his benefits. I have benefits too. My husband has his own business and does not have benefits. Our agreement states that we split the cost of medical bills. My plan covers 40% and my spouse's usually covers the rest. I've paid for braces, glasses, chiro, massage, dental out of pocket and claimed the money back. I don't care and would rather just go on with no contact with my ex but he keeps coming at me with piddly demands. He had one dentist bill in 6 years ($200) and wanted half because that was our agreement.
Is my ex husband entitled to my husband's benefits? If I pay 40% through benefits, should we not "split" the rest of every medical expense regardless how the bill was paid?


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I think you wrote "husband" when you meant "ex-husband" for one of the times you mentioned your husband.

What I think you are asking:

Cost of medical thing: $1000
Amount covered by your benefits: $400
Amount covered by your spouse's benefits: $600
Amount covered by ex-husband benefits: $0

So, it cost you zero dollars out of pocket, however if it wasn't for your new husband then it would have cost $600, so you think that ex-husband should give you $300. Is my interpretation correct?

If that were true, you would make a profit every time your kids needed to use any of their benefits. I can imagine that as a public policy there could be some issues with that. Probably not the best idea to incentivize adults to injure children or stepchildren. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you can only collect a percentage of the amount you actually pay, because if the rule was anything else it would be utterly ridiculous.

Since you pay zero, you can collect zero.
 
If it costs you nothing out of pocket because the children are covered why wouldn't you submit it? Regardless of you paying for everything (which technically if you are writing off 100% of the bill through two benefit plans you have paid nothing other than premiums). I suppose you could argue the ex should have to pay for his share of the children's premiums.

I am in the same situation. I have my step kids on my benefits but I couldn't imagine asking my husbands ex to pay for something that was already covered under both our benefits... seems sorta petty to me?


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Berner_Faith said:
If it costs you nothing out of pocket because the children are covered why wouldn't you submit it? Regardless of you paying for everything (which technically if you are writing off 100% of the bill through two benefit plans you have paid nothing other than premiums). I suppose you could argue the ex should have to pay for his share of the children's premiums.

I am in the same situation. I have my step kids on my benefits but I couldn't imagine asking my husbands ex to pay for something that was already covered under both our benefits... seems sorta petty to me?


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I believe I mentioned it was petty. I agree. There are other things driving this anger. As I said, I was fine taking care of it all. It just incensed me after thousands of $ in claims I've covered to have my ex come after me for half of a $200 medical expense. Benefits aren't free.


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so in 6 years all your ex has asked for is half of a 200 bill?? If I was you I would just let that one go. Its a case of picking your battles and 100 bucks isn't a battle I would fight.
 
rockscan said:
Why did he take the kids for the medical treatment then? Why didnt you take them and claim it yourself?
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I was away and something came up with my daughter. He moved to a different town so didn't use our usual places to fill prescriptions


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standing on the sidelines said:
so in 6 years all your ex has asked for is half of a 200 bill?? If I was you I would just let that one go. Its a case of picking your battles and 100 bucks isn't a battle I would fight.
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Actually in 6 years my ex has not had to foot any bills for anything. I pay my benefits and have the kids fully covered. I have done all the appointments and driving (if you have any familiarity with braces you'd understand that's a lot of appointments). And on the occasions where we've gone over the allowable with dentists etc I have just covered it. It's least $1000 over this time. I really don't want to have contact. When this came up I thought this man hasn't had to worry about anything for years. I've told him about the extra expenses. But he's entitled he said.


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So then bill him for his portion of the net cost of the braces and if its the same amount of your portion of $200 call it even.
 
standing on the sidelines said:
so in 6 years all your ex has asked for is half of a 200 bill?? If I was you I would just let that one go. Its a case of picking your battles and 100 bucks isn't a battle I would fight.
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I agree with sidelines, and with your sentiments as well. It's ok to accept your wish to feel petty and get even, but why act on it? What's is the benefit to you and your family?

While I'm not saying your ex (or mine) is a narcisist; I prefer the "gray rock" technique instead of 'no contact' in dealing with them.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKv77LTKil4)
 
Asphenaz said:
I agree with sidelines, and with your sentiments as well. It's ok to accept your wish to feel petty and get even, but why act on it? What's is the benefit to you and your family?



While I'm not saying your ex (or mine) is a narcisist; I prefer the "gray rock" technique instead of 'no contact' in dealing with them.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKv77LTKil4)
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When I read the description for this page as a place to vent, I felt that is what I was doing. I recognized I was being petty. But got hammered anyway. :)
Thank you for the response. I actually didn't have the intention of acting on my frustration.
And how did you guess they were a narcissist? I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject since I discovered this myself.



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Hello,

Sorry didn't mean to 'hammer you', I should have said, "I understand and agree with the need to vent". After venting I always try to look at those times as a way to improve myself. That's why a while back I stopped labeling my ex, as this or that, because it's not worth my time. It was starting to affect how I lived and the time I spent with the kids and friends.

What was worth my time is learning techniques and ways to deal with future instances.
 
Asphenaz said:
Hello,

Sorry didn't mean to 'hammer you', I should have said, "I understand and agree with the need to vent". After venting I always try to look at those times as a way to improve myself. That's why a while back I stopped labeling my ex, as this or that, because it's not worth my time. It was starting to affect how I lived and the time I spent with the kids and friends.

What was worth my time is learning techniques and ways to deal with future instances.
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Oh no sorry, I didn't mean you were hammering me. The other responses were harsh or automatically judgemental and suspicious. I really was just venting. The gray rock method is interesting. When the kids are 30 hopefully we'll finally have no contact. Until then, I imagine I'll be dragged back for more. I wonder how many "final orders" you're allowed to revisit?


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If you are female and you start a thread on this forum chances are that you will be mercilessly attacked. It is just the way it is, particularly if you have custody. It is the same with regards to spousal support, particularly if you are the recipient. Still there is much information to garner here. Just don't take things personally and sift through everything and carry on.
 
arabian said:
If you are female and you start a thread on this forum chances are that you will be mercilessly attacked. It is just the way it is, particularly if you have custody. It is the same with regards to spousal support, particularly if you are the recipient. Still there is much information to garner here. Just don't take things personally and sift through everything and carry on.
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Personally, I can understand the frustration.

My advice...just let go what you can let go and know that one day, your kids will be of age and the nonsense will be over.

I'm living for that day myself.
 
Star7ontario said:
When I read the description for this page as a place to vent, I felt that is what I was doing. I recognized I was being petty. But got hammered anyway. :)
Thank you for the response. I actually didn't have the intention of acting on my frustration.
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Yes, the description says General Chat is for venting, however many of us regulars just hit the "new posts" option and don't pay any attention to which subforum a thread is from, and treat vents as actual questions. Or it could just be me.
 
Rioe said:
Yes, the description says General Chat is for venting, however many of us regulars just hit the "new posts" option and don't pay any attention to which subforum a thread is from, and treat vents as actual questions. Or it could just be me.
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I'm pretty sure I just got zinged again for not reading all the threads before I asked a question so... regulars need to be aware of where and what they are answering. In addition, it is polite to clarify rather than judge. All circumstances are different. I definitely get the sense as stated, that as a female I got more backlash. I get that in the court men are generally given the shaft. I have some friends who have been treated quite unfairly, certainly far from equal or how they might have been treated as a woman. I am forward thinking and fair. And this isn't the court. I expected more I suppose.
Having said that, I have appreciated the advice and learned a lot. And learned not to bother expressing frustrations etc in my questions, just ask for facts. Live and learn.


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Star7 please feel free to express ALL of your opinions including your frustrations. You are only human.

Moderators are the only ones who have the ability to move a thread.
We do welcome your opinion. If someone (or you) believe you are posting in the wrong category they only have to alert the moderators and politely request some assistance (note the little red bell on the top of the post).

You are new and we will hopefully give you a bit more guidance on where your posts will receive the best response.
 
arabian said:
Star7 please feel free to express ALL of your opinions including your frustrations. You are only human.

Moderators are the only ones who have the ability to move a thread.
We do welcome your opinion. If someone (or you) believe you are posting in the wrong category they only have to alert the moderators and politely request some assistance (note the little red bell on the top of the post).

You are new and we will hopefully give you a bit more guidance on where your posts will receive the best response.
Click to expand...



Thank you Arabian. Lol I will stop bellyaching. I think that first day I was just hot off of a frustrating situation.


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