Benefits to 50/50 custody?

A

Acadia71

New member
I'm about to write the separation agreement with my STBX.
She wants 60/40 custody.
I work one week on one week off so 50/50 is possible and I'd prefer that.

Could anyone tell me the benefits and drawbacks (if any) to getting 50/50 custody?

My primary concern is having 50% of the say in ALL aspects of my children's lives, I always thought this was possible even if I only have them 40% of the time.

Thanks in advance
 
The child support guidelines are well known to be wrong and exorbitant. Having said that, shared custody mitigates the damage of the child support guidelines so that is your best route. You can still have 50/50 joint custody even if it isn't 50/50 living arrangements. You have said it is 60/40.
 
You have two different issues in your post.

1- parenting schedule, whether it is 50-50 or 60-40.

2- custody pertaining to decision making.

You can still have joint custody/decision making for all major issues concerning the kids (school, medical, religion etc) regardless of what the parenting schedule is.

What is her reason for not wanting you to have equal time with the kids? Many times it has to do with child support or the other person just wants more time with them without considering they are robbing the other parent of equal time, so she needs to give good reason -not why she wants more time with them, but why you should not have equal time with them.
 
If you want 50/50 residence and there is no reason why you shouldn't have it, just put that in the separation agreement and tell your ex you won't agree to less. You can have joint custody (equal say in decision-making) no matter what the residence arrangements are, but it's much easier for the decision-making to be truly joint if the kids are residing with both parents equally.
 
Makes sense now, thanks very much for the info!

Ideally I want 50/50 both but there is a chance my shift changes to more of an 8/6 rotation soon.

No matter what I want joint on decision making.
 
One of the biggest mistakes i see in family law is arranging parenting schedules around work. It is entirely your responsibility to figure out how you would manage the kids full time as if the other parent were not on the picture. Whatever you would do in that instance you should be doing now, otherwise there is no potential for equal parenting.
 
I work away from home in camp so I can't have the kids when I'm on shift under any circumstances.
For now anyway..
 
blinkandimgone said:
So if your ex was in a tragic accident and no longer around to pick up yoir slack with the kids you would do what?
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Probably move to my home town and have family take them while I worked??

Or just quit and figure it out I suppose.

What are you getting at exactly? What would you do? Hire a nanny or something?
 
What I'm getting at is if you plan your parenting schedule around your work, expecially if it removes the possibility of you being an equal time sharing parent then you are effectively making your ex 'The' parent and you the wallet who takes them when he 'can'.

It is absolutely acceptable to make use of childcare when necessary to accomodate your job. Most families do at some point or another.

You are setting yourself up for many years of conflict as your work schedule changes over and over, not to mention giving her the perfect excuse to consistently deny you equal time with the kids. "You can't have them because you're working." will be the reason every single time you request a change, not because she said you couldn't handle having your kids while working, like most other parents, you're telling her you can't handle having the kids while working.

I've seen it over and over, people who make their parenting schedule around work instead of the other way around spending years in court and thousands on lawyers.

I assume you work the hours you do because when you were married the marital relationship allowed you to do that. You're no longer in the marital relationship that allowed you to do that and so you choose to either change your job to accomodate your responsibilities as a parent or you change your views and expectations of being an equal parent.
 
Fortunately my shift will be fairly stable for many years if needed, unfortunately I don't have much for job opportunities available even if I wanted to change.
 
What is 8-6 schedule exactly?

1. I prefer 50/50 because 60/40 just seems like a number to escape full CS and it is 1% away from that which can be breached by things of life.

2. I think it more firmly cements in everybody's minds you are both equal parents. I agree during marriage one parent can specialize in parenting and the other in earning but after divorce I think there needs to be complete elimination of reciprocity and you need to do half the parenting and earn as much as you earn anyways and let her do half and earn whatever she earns.
I beleive it also makes it easier to compromise because with 7-7 anything she wants she has to give you the same tc...
 
Right now I start on a Wednesday morning and end Tuesday afternoon (7 on 7 off)

I might change to starting Wednesday at noon and ending the following Wednesday at noon. More of an 8/6 type shift. Both shifts could possibly allow 50/50 but I physically won't be home 50% of the time, although it is close.

I absolutely want joint custody and will definitely try and get 50/50 access.
 
so you can drop your kids at daycare on Wednesday morning and pick them up on Wednesday afternoon?

normally transitions are on the weekend but I think that shouldn't be a blocker here
 
I agree with the others, you really need to sit down and figure it out now! When I seperated, I approached my work and negotiated a new schedule where I worked 12 hours shifts on the days where I didnt have the kids so that I could drop off and pick up the days I did have them. The Ex kept bringing up things she thought might be a problem for me with 50-50 and I just kept telling her I would work them out, as it was my problems to work out. Finally it became clear to her that I wasnt going to give up and she just dropped it.

The problem with giving in now as Blink mentioned is that it will not be easy in the future to say: I am now ready to try and work things out for the sake of getting 50-50.
 
dantheman71 said:
Right now I start on a Wednesday morning and end Tuesday afternoon (7 on 7 off)

I might change to starting Wednesday at noon and ending the following Wednesday at noon. More of an 8/6 type shift. Both shifts could possibly allow 50/50 but I physically won't be home 50% of the time, although it is close.

I absolutely want joint custody and will definitely try and get 50/50 access.
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What exactly is this 8/6 shift type? What are your work hours? Are you going to be working the majority of time while they are in school/daycare or during evenings and nights?
 
trinton said:
What exactly is this 8/6 shift type? What are your work hours? Are you going to be working the majority of time while they are in school/daycare or during evenings and nights?
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I will work basically 8 days on 6 days off at a remote work site and I stay in camp.
first and last days are half days, the 6 in the middle are 12 hours.

No matter what I can't have the kids while I'm at work, but I think I have ways to get 50/50 anyway.
 
dantheman71 said:
I will work basically 8 days on 6 days off at a remote work site and I stay in camp.
first and last days are half days, the 6 in the middle are 12 hours.

No matter what I can't have the kids while I'm at work, but I think I have ways to get 50/50 anyway.
Click to expand...

So during the 6 days that you are off, you are still at the camp ?
 
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