Bathing question

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Dad. Bathing w girls

Dad. Bathing w girls

Here is my scenerio. Girls are 12,9 and 4. Dad still gets in the shower w them. His gf showers and is naked around them. She showers only w the 4 year old. We r in court still and I am afraid to open any more cans of worms. They smoke in the house and car with kids. An ideas how to deal with these situations?
 
Are the kids complaining about the showering/nudity making them uncomfortable? If not, I'd ignore it. It's none of your business if the choose to be less restrictive in their household than you do in yours.


As for the smoking, it is illegal to smoke in the car with a child under 16, but not in the home unfortunately. There are lots of cases on Canlii that discuss smoking in the home with children present.
 
For the 12 year old, I'd talk with her and make sure she understands she has a right to privacy, and she can 'demand' private bathroom time.

If dad (and his partner) continues to walk around the house nude, not too much you can do about it.
 
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IMO, the whole idea of running around naked w/kids in the home is just weird. Seriously- a 12 year old and 9 year old showering w/their dad??

Something is very wrong with that picture.
 
I agree with you hadenough. Part of parenting is to teach your children about personal boundaries and modesty.
 
To each his own. Just because others are uncomfortable with it, doesn't mean everyone should be. It's not up to us to push our idea of boundaries on other parents.

Perhaps they believe in promoting positive body image, regardless of society's perception of beauty. Dove's Real Beauty campaign is a prime example of this and has been recognized as one of the most positive, successful and influential campaigns in breaking down stereotypes and promoting postive body images for young people - not just women and girls.
 
I agree... there has to be some privacy, especially with a 12 year old... How did you come to learn about this? Are the kids saying they do not like this? I don't feel it is something you necessarily have to bring up in court at this point, but if it makes the children feel uncomfortable, you should maybe voice this to dad... in a nice way.

That being said... we have one bathroom, there have been numerous times when the kids never knock and just walk right in. We don't lock the door because if the kids need to use the bathroom, we are not going to withhold that from them. So yes there have been times where either Dad or I are stepping out of the shower and all the sudden the door flies open. Children of that age should not be showing with an adult, D4 showers by herself (we stand outside the curtain and help her when she needs help) and S7 has been for over 2 years now.
 
You can project a positive body image in many ways and I totally agree with what Dove is doing.

I'm not pushing my idea of boundaries on anyone. I hope children grow up with awareness that they have a right to privacy and to know what is appropriate behavior from adults and what is not appropriate behavior from adults.

Hey maybe the next time have their friends over for a sleepover they call all get in the shower naked with daddy. Sure their friends' parents will think its just promoting positive body image. LOL
 
Dove's campaign is fantastic, agreed. But they have undergarments on.. A 12 year old in a shower with Dad's junk dangling (or not, lol) is what most would consider inappropriate.

To each his/her own I suppose. I don't know what the views are of ie: CAS/Courts etc are on this matter so I'm stating what my own perception is.
 
I don't believe any parent has the right to demand communal showers with their 12 y old child - regardless of genders. The child is old enough to have their demand for privacy respected ... IF that's what THEY want.

Probably also at 9 yrs.
 
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I'm picturing a 9 year old and 12 year old telling say their teacher that they shower with Dad. Yes, I'm pretty sure that would set some alarm bells off..
 
They don't have undergarments on in all of the pictures.

As far as the sleepover thing, you have the right to choose your boundaries for your own children in your own home, not other people's children.

There would be an issue if the children were being forced to shower together or with Dad, if they were not allowed any privacy, showering alone or being made to walk around in the nude.

That isn't happening (at least the OP didn't say so), and as the children feel less comfortable with it they will develop their own boundaries and cover up when they feel it is appropriate or outside of their comfort level.

Seriously, when people make way too big of an issue over a bit of nudity is when kids start to feel ashamed of their bodies and develop poor self image and anxiety that what's going on is 'wrong' when there really is...nothing going on.
 
Some guys don't "dangle" all that much. Especially in a shower. But I suppose that too, is debatable.
 
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I just asked a friend who has a 12 yr old daughter what she thought of this. She is with her spouse. Her response is simply - If I found out my significant other was showering with my 12 yr old I'd call the police.

People wonder why incest is an issue?

I'm all for nudity with consenting adults. Heck there are many nudist colonies in the area I live in. These are adult-only gatherings thank goodness.
 
Just because television and print media show pictures of people without their clothes on doesn't make it right to let your children shower naked with adults. Its sick in my opinion.
 
arabian said:
I just asked a friend who has a 12 yr old daughter what she thought of this. She is with her spouse. Her response is simply - If I found out my significant other was showering with my 12 yr old I'd call the police.

People wonder why incest is an issue?

I'm all for nudity with consenting adults. Heck there are many nudist colonies in the area I live in. These are adult-only gatherings thank goodness.
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Incest is having sexual relations with a relative. That isn't happening, the OP made no mention of any concerns along those lines, no idea where the idea of incest is coming from.

Just because some people are comfortable in the nude around their children dfoesn't make them sexual predators or sociopaths. That's right up there with the theory that gays shouldn't be allowed to be teachers or scout leaders because they`re more likely to be sexual predators. It`s complete BS.

I have a 13 year old daughter. We frequently change in the same room or come and go from the bathroom while the other is showering. Same at Dad's place.There is nothing incestuous about it, nor do any of us have an issue with it.

I don't understand why people insist on attaching a sexual nature to it when it is nothing of the sort.
 
arabian said:
I just asked a friend who has a 12 yr old daughter what she thought of this. She is with her spouse. Her response is simply - If I found out my significant other was showering with my 12 yr old I'd call the police.

People wonder why incest is an issue?

I'm all for nudity with consenting adults. Heck there are many nudist colonies in the area I live in. These are adult-only gatherings thank goodness.
Click to expand...

Great, the police. I thought you were not into pushing your idea of boundaries on anyone?

There is nothing wrong with family nudity. It is wrong to apply the sickness of some people (pedophilia) onto the rest of us normal ones.

Nudity is a cultural thing, with some cultures avoiding it, and others ignoring it.

I grew up in a family that avoided nudity and bathroom sharing for the most part. However, my ex grew up with nudity and sharing a bathroom being a non issue. I found this to be what feels normal for me and now both my ex and I never shut the door in our bathrooms and nudity is a non issue.

I would not shower with my kids because sharing one shower head does not work! But if we were at a place similar to a locker room that had multiple open showers, we'd all shower together and wouldn't think twice about it.

Calling the police is unreasonable and certainly would do harm to the children. However, both parents need to be able to discuss these things and hopefully each will attempt to consider the other's opinion when parenting, however ultimately, what happens in each house is up to that parent.
 
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What is in the best interests of the child. That is what matters in the end.

Many, many times innocuous actions turn ugly so why take the chance?

I have spoken to many, many victims of sexual abuse and incest. There is a pattern. If the actions of the father bother the mother then she should do what is best for her children. Might take a simple phone call to the father. If it wasn't a big deal the mother wouldn't have mentioned it on this forum. In my opinion she is correct in being concerned.
 
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