At the end of his rope...

[bookgirl1209]

My significant other is 4 years into a separation. When they separated he moved out of the matrimonial home and it was put up for sale.

She at the time was unemployed and collecting unemployment. She had been sent to beauty school by UI.

She stayed in the house with the 3 kids (only one of which was his). The house has been on the market for 4 years and my hubby has been paying ALL the bills for the house in a deal they made where he'd pay the bills til the house sold and then switch over to SS and CS.

she has made it increasingly difficult to sell the house. Now she says she will have NO open house, show only by appoointment when she's home and she follows prospective buyer through the house. We've had report that there were people sleeping on the couch during one showing and a tattoo being done during another showing (her son has a tattoo shop running out of the basement)

He is not allowed in the house at all (unless of course there are maintenance issues to be taken care.

The latest thing is that she doesn't want to allow a price reduction. She wants to wait and see.

This is killing him. HE pays all the bills for that house - mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, internet, AND gives her $75 a week.

He was due to get a chunk of money from an income tax refund but CRA asked for proof of SS being paid, he sent the court order and the bank receipts of deposit but that wasn't good enough so he asked her for a receipt for the money he's paid her...she didn't answer him for a month and when he asked again saying he was broke she texted him back LMAO and a smiley face.

His lawyer doesn't seem to want to do anything. He sends letters to her lawyer and they don't respond at all and he just leaves it at that.

My hubby has been advsed by two different people (including his lawyer) to just stop paying any house bills, let it go to foreclosure but that doesn't seem like a good idea to me...one, I don't think a judge would look kindly on that and two he losed any equity that may be able to pay for any retroactive that they will ask for

Any advice? Anyone go through anything similar? Any ideas what to tell the lawyer to do?

HELP!

 

[Mess]

Regardless of her ignoring him, smiley faces, etc, he needs to send a formal, polite letter detailing in calm words all of the issues that you list here.

He finishes by saying that he would like to keep things friendly and reasonable and to work out all of these issues and he would need a reply within 30 days.

Then he needs to go to court and file a motion (presuming she ignores him again) seeking the receipts and seeking accelerated sale of the house, etc.

He needs to show that he has made a reasonable effort to communicate with her and settle this, via the letter (sent by courier since Canada Post is on strike). Then he needs to seek formal court action. A motion does not have to be expensive and he is asking for very reasonable things.

She is a mess and she is not going to just magically starting to co-operate. Don't screw around with a dozen different scenarios, if you want it done and finished, then get a motion and do it.

 

[HammerDad]

So effectively, by not pushing her to take action on the sale, he is enabling her to take advantage of him.

He needs to have his lawyer send a letter advising that the house is to be sold by a certain date, and if it is not sold by such date, he will cease to pay for all utilities related to the house. He may still want to carry the mortgage and insurance, but the heat/hydro/cable/phone/internet etc. are all be cancelled. Give her plenty of notice to have the accounts set up in her own name.

How long were they married for? Going by the general rule of thumb of 1/2 year of spousal support for each year of marriage, his marriage should be around the 8 year mark. If the marriage was less then that, she has already gotten her share and she should cease payments on virtually everything and only pay her child support.

But he really needs to start putting his foot down. It is obvious his ex doesn't want to sell the house as she doesn't have to get a real job to support herself while he is footing all the bills. So he needs to start having his lawyer start upping the pressure. And if his lawyer won't, then ether get a new lawyer or do it himself. There is little reason for this to have dragged on for 4 years. And the blame for allowing it to go on this long lays solely at your b/f's feet.

So either he starts doing something to remedy this (go to court and get a motion to force the house to be sold by a certain date, or be bought out) or he has no real right to complain as he is doing this to himself.

 

[LostFather]

So effectively, by not pushing her to take action on the sale, he is enabling her to take advantage of him.

He needs to have his lawyer send a letter advising that the house is to be sold by a certain date, and if it is not sold by such date, he will cease to pay for all utilities related to the house. He may still want to carry the mortgage and insurance, but the heat/hydro/cable/phone/internet etc. are all be cancelled. Give her plenty of notice to have the accounts set up in her own name.

How long were they married for? Going by the general rule of thumb of 1/2 year of spousal support for each year of marriage, his marriage should be around the 8 year mark. If the marriage was less then that, she has already gotten her share and she should cease payments on virtually everything and only pay her child support.

But he really needs to start putting his foot down. It is obvious his ex doesn't want to sell the house as she doesn't have to get a real job to support herself while he is footing all the bills. So he needs to start having his lawyer start upping the pressure. And if his lawyer won't, then ether get a new lawyer or do it himself. There is little reason for this to have dragged on for 4 years. And the blame for allowing it to go on this long lays solely at your b/f's feet.

So either he starts doing something to remedy this (go to court and get a motion to force the house to be sold by a certain date, or be bought out) or he has no real right to complain as he is doing this to himself.

I forget the legal term off ha.d but can he not charge her rent and put that against and money that may go to her from the sale of the house?

 

[staysingle]

Follow Mess and HammerDad's plan. At this point your b/f is no less than 50% of this problem.

 

[bookgirl1209]

Occupational rent?

Yes, I asked about that also...so far because she was unemployment and playing the "poor me" card the judge at the case conference ordered the $75 a week in SS.

And told my bf to continue paying the household bills.

They were together for 12 years..only married for the last two.

I understand that he's let this happen but it seems to me that his lawyer should be more on the ball. We are now into him for $7000 to we wouldn't even be able to get a new lawyer til we paid off his bill, right?

I'm worried that stopping paying those bills will look bad on him..but at this point I'm willing to concede that it's his only option.

In my opinion in the last 4 years he's been paying all bills except for her groceries and the phone...and he's taken over ALL the debt payments )Line of Credit, VISA etc.) he pays all life insurance for himself, her and the children...so in my opinion, not only has he met his spousal support obligations but she has not maintained HER equity in the house.

She just only got a job about 8 months ago.

I think I'm gonna have to get him to tell his lawyer to get aggressive. We;ve told him many times that if the house would just sell we could pay off his bill with the proceeds. Or if my bf didn't have to pay every bill he could start some kind of payment plan We sent him $2000 (borrowed) 4 months ago and haven't heard anything.

Frustrating.