Anyone actually have a good relationship w/ ex?

[wretchedotis]

If so...
How long did that take to happen?
Any tips to bury the hatchet, so to speak?
I could use an idea or two on how to actually get her to really consider my opinions once in awhile these days too.

 

[dinkyface]

Aw, was just looking at pics from my sister's ski trip... with her husband, and her ex-husband, and his wife, and all the kids mixed together.

They split about 20 years ago.

They were ultimately just smart and sensible people who were not interested in wasting money on lawyers. Dad chose to give up daily involvement by moving 1/2 way across the country to be with new partner, but still managed to remain Dad.

Maybe it helped also that dad's parents were sweet on mom, so that influenced dad.

 

[Nadia]

Sorry can't help you there! But I wish I did. It would be so awesome for the kids. I get along with his parents. So that is better then nothing.

 

[tugofwar]

I would love nothing more than to be able to get there with my ex. Truly deep down we might have a chance. But, guess I blew it by going to see a lawyer, starting a court application etc. To him it's still just all about the money
What about councelling? I would really think this would work in our favor.
We were never good at communications or fighting. Just ignored it. Didn't talk to each other for days, then just carried on and never resolving anything.
I just wish it could be just us two. Not being influenced by other negative people such as family members etc....
and just open your eyes a bit, be surprised what your missing.....

 

[#1StepMom]

Aw, was just looking at pics from my sister's ski trip... with her husband, and her ex-husband, and his wife, and all the kids mixed together.

One of my good friends' parents have a similar relationship.

When her parents split when she was 8, her dad moved back to Europe while her and her mom stayed here. She visited her dad every Christmas and Summer vacation. Both her parents remarried and had their own children together.

When her dad and stepmom and kids visit Canada, they often stay at the home of her mom and stepdad. And when her mom and stepdad and kids visit Europe, they often stay at her dad's and stepmom's house.

They get along very well and are happy to live lives as "family friends" while sharing one child in common.

Meanwhile, not all of us are so lucky!

I think a lot of things depend on the situation... before, during, and after. It depends a lot also on trust. Something that my husband and I don't have a smidgen of for my stepson's mom, as she has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy and her only interest is to get her hands on our money - the little we have - (mine included) - despite my husband's willingness to abide by the guidelines in terms of child support, extra-ordinary expenses, etc., and his willingness to be a father to a child he could have very easily walked away from given the circumstances of their "relationship" (1 night stand) and provide the child with more than he is legally obligated to given his non-custodial status.

But... that's not enough. She wants out happiness too.

Sometimes, it's just not worth trying to get along with people whose sole priority in life is to ruin yours.

If you gave it your best shot... that's all you can ask of yourself. You tried, it didn't work, it's time to move on.

If only everyone had the best interest of the child in mind and at heart... and proved it through daily actions. If only...

 

[offtocourtwego]

respect

respect

Aretha had it right.

I have an awesome relationship with my ex. We have become good friends. I am friends with her boyfriend and my girlfriend is always welcome in her home. And our three daughters love it.

How...

1. Children come first in all situations, once that threshold is met, its all good
2. I figure that the my ex and I have, by divorcing, created so much sadness and hurt to our young children that the very least we owe them is peace, and happiness...and I can control that, as can my ex.
3. Avoid lawyers and court. We have never been, a mediator helped us formulate an agreement and each of us was fair.
4. Find it within yourself to respect the other parent and appreciate and understand that their life struggles, financial, emotional, parenting...are similar to your own. And the beauty is that if you can get along, together you can quickly and easily discuss and overcome any minor challenge.
5. Most important...suck it up buttercup...be nice always. If you're mad, be mad mad somewhere else, take a timeout, try a different angle, maybe even concede.

Look, I'm lucky...that's not true, my ex and I have chosen to create an environment that satisfies our daughters (we have a 50 / 50 custody)...and there is nothing more important than that.

A couple of days ago my oldest daughter told me this (because I often ask them how they feel, how they really feel)..."Daddy, I love my life the way it is, it is so much better than when you and Mommy were married and were fighting all the time."

She's right.

My GF and her ex are bitter enemies. And my ex's BF and his ex are bitter enemies. And I'll tell you all this without hesitation, my three kids are happy and cheerful...all the other children are not! It's sad.

Good luck to all. Just my two cents. I'm only on this website because of the nonstop BS between my GF and her ex.

 

[Foredeck]

I would say that I have a fairly good relationship with my ex. We've been separated for a year and are both in new relationships.

I've accepted it, she is still a little jealous at times. We haven't gone out to restaurants or done anything as friends. However, we've done stuff as co-parents on numerous occasions.

She's been to the house a few times and stayed for a bit to chit chat.

I think the biggest thing for me was not to blame anyone. I accepted that we were both to blame for the end of our marriage. And, second, I forgot the last two months of our relationship. We were happy at one time.

In all honesty, I wish I could forget her. I wish she could move to the other side of the world. But, we have a daughter together, so might as well live to like it. I have to cooperate with her for at least another 15 years, so might as well make it as enjoyable as possible.

 

[CISTEAD]

My current husband and I get along very well with my ex. My current husband even works on his car from time to time.....! We have had our share of fights, name calling, hang up calls, etc......but we got over it. The main thing is we are both decent people. I would never imagine embarrassing him by taking him to court, if he had money, the kids got, if I had money and he didn't I would cover it. I have even loaned him money on occasions. Point of the matter is, we aren't the type of people to hurt anyone, let alone each other. And our kids are very well adjusted because of that. I can't imagine how my kids would have felt about me had I dragged their dad through court. I don't think it would have been very healthy, regardless of how "justified" I was or wasn't.
I wish I could say the same for my current husbands exwife. That is another story however.