Angry emails

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ghostofaman

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I was wondering if anybody has had to deal with an ex who is constantly insulting or accusing them during email communication. Unfortunately we have a child so we need to stay in frequent contact. However, she has a short fuse and almost every message contains some sort of nasty statement.

I feel like saying that any further communication that includes insults/accusations will go unresponded. However we are heading towards trial so I'm not sure if that would be a good idea.

Any ideas on how to deal with this kind of angry personality? Any help much appreciated!
 
Mine does that continuously, just realize that it is a mind set and ignore it.

Find the one thing that you can agree with and work with that.
 
I just ignore the non sense and stay respectful in all of my communications. usually they argue to try and prove you don't get along

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Last edited:
Angry emails

ghostofaman said:
I was wondering if anybody has had to deal with an ex who is constantly insulting or accusing them during email communication. Unfortunately we have a child so we need to stay in frequent contact. However, she has a short fuse and almost every message contains some sort of nasty statement.



I feel like saying that any further communication that includes insults/accusations will go unresponded. However we are heading towards trial so I'm not sure if that would be a good idea.



Any ideas on how to deal with this kind of angry personality? Any help much appreciated!
Click to expand...



My rule of thumb is does this require an answer (is this a question) and if not she gets no reply.


A judge once told me during a CC no communication is better than bad communication.

I live by this now :)

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ghostofaman said:
I was wondering if anybody has had to deal with an ex who is constantly insulting or accusing them during email communication. Unfortunately we have a child so we need to stay in frequent contact. However, she has a short fuse and almost every message contains some sort of nasty statement.

I feel like saying that any further communication that includes insults/accusations will go unresponded. However we are heading towards trial so I'm not sure if that would be a good idea.

Any ideas on how to deal with this kind of angry personality? Any help much appreciated!
Click to expand...

Read this book and watch this video:

https://www.amazon.ca/Biff-Responses-Conflict-Personal-Meltdowns/dp/1936268353

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i81fo0j4l6A
 
Step 1: read the email
Step 2: determine if there is a question requiring yes or no response
Step 3: respond yes or no in ten words or less
Step 4: put email in folder
Step 5: walk away from computer
Step 6: praise a deity that you are no longer married to the crazy

Example:

Dear jerk, i hate your guts and hope you die. You were a rotten husband who ruined my life. Can you pick up the kids from school on Friday instead of my house? I will never forgive you for ruining my life. Even my neighbours hate you for cutting the grass wrong. You are a useless piece of crap. Sincerely, crazy ex wife.

Response: yes i will be at the school.

See?
 
Thanks for the great (and hilarious) responses - going to buy that book and not take the bait. Really appreciate the advice!
 
Here's some language I found useful in the past. Following rockscan's example:

Dear stripes,

You are a despicable person who wants to mess up all living things on earth. Your touch causes houseplants to wither and I hold you responsible for the death of my girlfriend's rabbit. Plus, you are really stupid and obsessed with satanism. I would like to take Kid on vacation in June, will you swap weeks with me? By the way, there's an entire chapter about you in the DSM because you're crazy.


Sincerely, ex

****************

Dear ex,

I do not read or respond to messages which contain insults or degrading language. If there is something you would like me to know, please re-send that information in a message which is civil.

Sincerely, stripes

****************

Dear stripes,

I would like to take Kid on vacation in June, will you swap weeks with me?

Sincerely, ex

****************

Dear ex,

Yes, I am willing to swap weeks with you. Please provide me with the dates of your planned trip.

Sincerely, stripes
 
This is what I wasn't sure about - Should I address the nasty language and tell them that I won't respond to it, or should I just answer the question and ignore the hateful crap around it?
I've tried asking her to be polite but that didn't go over well at all.
I don't have very thick skin and the constant accusations are getting to me..
 
My partners ex has a pattern with her emails. If she has forgotten to do something properly or has failed to provide proper documentation, she includes a rambling ridiculous passive aggressive email that is about six paragraphs too long and unnecessary since she hasnt actually including relevant info. It makes my partner (and to a point me) crazy. He handles it by drafting his own direct response in WORD and then responds to the email with one sentence relating to the relevant items. For instance "nothing was attached to this email, please send proper documentation immediately for reimbursement". Or simply "yes I will pay my proportionate share as long as the total expense does not exceed the estimate provided".

You cannot reason with an unreasonable person so why waste your energy on a response? Fixing a drink takes less time and is 150% more satisfying.
 
ghostofaman said:
This is what I wasn't sure about - Should I address the nasty language and tell them that I won't respond to it, or should I just answer the question and ignore the hateful crap around it?
I've tried asking her to be polite but that didn't go over well at all.
I don't have very thick skin and the constant accusations are getting to me..
Click to expand...

Tell them you will only respond to messages that don't contain hateful crap. Repeat that exact sentence every time you get a nastygram, and don't answer the question until you get a politegram. There's no reason why you should have to wade through hateful crap in order to deal with practical questions.
 
Friend of mine has the same issue. When he replies to the email he deletes all the crap that was typed by the ex. He just leaves the pertinent request, then responds to it.
 
In my opinion answer simply and factually and ignore the rudeness.

I think my ex wants a reaction, so I just ignore the antics.

I finally see how much she would push my buttons while we were married. She just liked to start fights.
 
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