Am I being unreasonable?

Status
Not open for further replies.
I

inseperationhell

New member
Ok, need some advice here...will give the background first.

Our kids had a dentist appointment booked on my custodial time. An appointment with a specialist came up which conflicted. I emailed my ex stating that I had to change the dentist appointment and would ask for the next available one. He responded in agreement. After rescheduling, it wound up being on his custodial day.

I emailed him, letting him know asking if the appointment was ok. He replied back in email stating that "No, I can't make it. I will call to reschedule the dentist appointment". So, I took him at his word.

Well, low and behold, he never called to rebook and I had a message on the machine today from the dentist asking where the kids were and stating that we would be charged for the missed appointments (that is 3 missed appointments as all 3 kids were scheduled).

I emailed my ex asking what happened and informing him that we were being charged because he never called to reschedule.

He responded saying that he would re-book however he would not pay for the missed appointments because although he stated he would reschedule, I should have phoned to cancel the appointments. Thus it was my fault that they missed them and I should pay the bill...

WTF???? He said in writing that he would reschedule. Am i responsible for paying for missed appointments that he was supposed to reschedule and never did? Or is he right and should I be on the hook to pay the bill?

Thoughts please
 
Umm...from what I can gather from your post... you were already speaking to the office and informed them you could not attend? Because you wanted to book another appointment...you booked that appointment before seeing if he was available...when he said no he wasn't, since YOU booked an appointment first without consulting him I would say you should cover the charges... yes he said he would reschedule the appointment, but how is he to know you actually booked the appointment for sure, and not just called to inquire what day was available?
 
Let me clarify.

Appointments were booked for Day A. We had to reschedule as another appointment at a hospital came up.

I emailed him to state that the appointments on Day A needed to be rebooked to the next available appointment. I did not know if it would be my day or his. He replied ok, let him know when.

I rebooked the appointment - they gave me Day B which fell on his custodial day. I emailed him immediately to say the appointments had been booked on Day B asking if he could make the appointment. He replied back No he couldn't make the appointment so HE would reschedule the appointment with the dentist.

He knew it had been booked, stated in email he would reschedule, he did not reschedule and now wants me to foot the bill????

If he had not replied in email that HE would reschedule, I would have called back and rescheduled....

Am I responsible to foot the bill for something he stated he would do but didn't follow through on?
 
Bottom line, do it yourself, cover your ass at all times and document it.
I have a hotmail account and whenever something needs to be documented i write a summary about the incident, how i felt, what i did and what i expected the other person to do. Send it to yourself. Keep it in a file. Then you will have date stamped as to how you felt at the time, what you expected and can use it in your defence if necessary. IF you are ever questioned in court you can show it and prove what you understood at the time and no worries about recollection.
Good luck.
 
Last edited:
to me you are not being unreasonable. Yes the appointment was rebooked to his time and there is no reason a father cant take his kids to the dentist on his time unless there is a conflict. There was and he said he would rebook.
 
He should be the one to foot the bill on the missed appointments. However go forward, since you have now learned he is not reliable for these things...do not book appointments on his days.

Book them ONLY on yours.
 
NBDad said:
He should be the one to foot the bill on the missed appointments. However go forward, since you have now learned he is not reliable for these things...do not book appointments on his days.

Book them ONLY on yours.
Click to expand...

Bingo.

Also, why create any conflict with something like this and try to figure out who is in the right. You know what to do next time now and had to learn it the unfortunate way.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
NBDad said:
He should be the one to foot the bill on the missed appointments. However go forward, since you have now learned he is not reliable for these things...do not book appointments on his days.

Book them ONLY on yours.
Click to expand...

Yuppers...

I went through this myself...although the Dentist didn't charge us. I've also had to scramble to get our child to an appointment on his time because he "forgot" till the last second and could not get away from work.

So now when our child needs an appointment for anything I make sure it is on my time and then let the him know the day and time should he care to attend too. This seems to work best and ironcially he has a better chance of showing up and being there for our son when it is handled this way.

Just a question...if you both have dental coverage through work, would this not be automatically covered this time? Also, if their charging you uses up the "once a year" most plans seem to have then when you actually take them to their rebooked appointments would he not then have to pay his porportionate share? ...Just wondering...
 
You're both partially at fault here.

You for booking on a day that he was unavailable (but you didn't know that, a little more communication between you two may have flushed it out).

Him for failing to reschedule once he found out it was on a day he couldn't make it.

If the costs are minimal and it is going to cause a bunch of hassles, I may just eat the costs and never book anything on his day again. It would be easier that way. If the costs are fairly high, I would request that the costs be split as both of you could've solved the issue and are both responsible for the result.
 
Now that I see more to the story...yes he should foot the bill...however... would this be considered a section 7 where you both would be liable? As others have said...if the cost is minimal just cover it, and make sure nothing is booked on his day...make sure you are available for all appointments to ensure this doesn't happen...
 
Missed appointments are not generally covered by insurance.

IMO they both made errors, the mistake was due to some miscommunication, and I think it would be most fair to split the penalty.
 
Call the dentist and inform him your deep desire to keep him as a dentist and indicate as his or her dental custumer if he could kindly waive this fee this one time.

Then don't ever rely on your ex for childrens appointments on his day.

Good luck
 
Wise answer wretchedotis. This is not an issue to disturb the peace about. I would still try and get the fee waived. Last I heard dentists earn $250k+ a year or more!
 
Getting the fee waived may be an option but at the same if they do it for you they have to do it for everyone else... you can threaten to take your teeth elsewhere... will the dentist really care? Most likely not seeing at they earn over $250 a year...especially if you are in a small town... we have 2 dentists in my town... good luck trying to go from one dentist to the other...you would never get in.
 
The cancellation fee is to discourage appointment abuse. Simply explain to the dentist the nature of the screw up, promise it will not happen again and state the $50 bucks is an important amount of money in your monthly budget. They will waive the fee.
 
staysingle said:
Last I heard dentists earn $250k+ a year or more!
Click to expand...

That number is on the low side. I have a dentist client with a multi-million dollar over 10,000 square foot home...

A dentist can make anywhere from $500k+ a year if they are near competent. The government hasn't regulated their fees and salary like medical doctors.
 
Thanks for the responses and I hear you. I will suggest on splitting the fee ($50 but times 3 kids which totals $150).

On a side comment, many of you have suggested that I take the kids to appointments only on my days in order to avoid the conflict. That is what I have been trying to do - in 10 months he has not been to 1 appointment for any of the 3 kids. I even took the day off work and went to a specialist appointment booked on his custodial day that he said he could not go to and it could not been re-booked.

My major issue with the suggestion is: 3 kids - dentists, eye doctor, regular doctor = 9 to 12 appointments per year (although I do try to coordinate). Plus, one child has health issues and sees a specialist - 3 more appointments per year. This year - son broke an arm which meant 4 more appointments and daughter broke her wrist which I have been to 3 appointments in last 2 weeks about (issues with the healing and now talk about surgery).

Do the math - I have taken the kids to over 17 appointments in 10 months which have equaled 13 days that I have had to take vacation time off work - some have been full days and some have been half days totaling 9 days off work. We have 50/50 custody, for me to take 9 vacation days in less than a year with him not one and only working part time - does not seem fair to me. Once I factor in unexpected days off for Snow Days and when the kids are sick, I have no vacation time left to take even a long weekend once in a while.
 
I feel for you... this crap about booking things only on your time.. sometimes that doesn't work and what is wrong with the other parent stepping it up and offering to also take kids to appointments and such. It is frustrating! If you were together, I am sure you would both be involved in getting children to these types of things. Everyone has a schedule - however we need to make time and arrangments where our children are concerned. I get frustrated when I read post replies that say you need to communicate more with the ex.. sometimes (probably more than not) it is very ard to do that. If people were able to communicate better then more than half of us wouldnt even be on a site like this... (just my 2 cents there)
You did learn a lesson, it sucks how you have learned it... I would speak with the office and plead your case if you will. $150 is not pocket change for most.. maybe they will waive it. If not I would explain that to them that you will be making small payments inorder to clear the bill.
 
inseperationhell said:
Thanks for the responses and I hear you. I will suggest on splitting the fee ($50 but times 3 kids which totals $150).

On a side comment, many of you have suggested that I take the kids to appointments only on my days in order to avoid the conflict. That is what I have been trying to do - in 10 months he has not been to 1 appointment for any of the 3 kids. I even took the day off work and went to a specialist appointment booked on his custodial day that he said he could not go to and it could not been re-booked.

My major issue with the suggestion is: 3 kids - dentists, eye doctor, regular doctor = 9 to 12 appointments per year (although I do try to coordinate). Plus, one child has health issues and sees a specialist - 3 more appointments per year. This year - son broke an arm which meant 4 more appointments and daughter broke her wrist which I have been to 3 appointments in last 2 weeks about (issues with the healing and now talk about surgery).

Do the math - I have taken the kids to over 17 appointments in 10 months which have equaled 13 days that I have had to take vacation time off work - some have been full days and some have been half days totaling 9 days off work. We have 50/50 custody, for me to take 9 vacation days in less than a year with him not one and only working part time - does not seem fair to me. Once I factor in unexpected days off for Snow Days and when the kids are sick, I have no vacation time left to take even a long weekend once in a while.
Click to expand...
I totally agree with you, there is no reason that the father cannot take the kids to some of these appointments. I have seen it on here where CP wanted to keep the kids home from access when they are sick and were told that the fathers are quite capable of looking after their sick kids and that they had to go (i agree by the way) Is this any different then that??? Why should all the appointments be on your time and only your time. If he has 50/50 custody then he should step up to the plate and do his 50% of the appointments.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top