Aggressive Lawyer--How do I prepare

[mememe]

I went to my first case conference and first meetingw with the ex and his lawyer. His lawyer is very aggressive. In addressing the issue that I would like to have my inheritance returned---her comment was something to the effect of "so sad too bad". I placed the inheritance in joint under pressure from my husband who felt that any money from before or duriing the marriage should be joint. He has mental health issues but was capable of manipulating me as a result of his mental health situation. He was married before and knew how to get as much as he could from me (there is more on that---but another time). The lawyer turned to me and said " I can't wait to get you to court and question you on that. At the end of the session, as the judge had one foot out of the courtroom, she called my lawyer a liar. I forewarned my lawyer about her, but he kept tellilng me that he has worked with her etc. She has, for the last 3 years, ensured that I was drained physically (he never came to the house to get his stuff or help me prepare it for pre and post sale), emotionally and monetarily (doesn't reply to emails or follow up on requests from my lawyer, says will accept my pension then changes her mind........ and on forever (yes, I am asking for costs).

How do I prepare for questioning from an aggressive, unprofessional lawyer? I see she is setting things up to go to court. She sees $$$$$ signs and we are her next year's salary. I know I have to try and get some "messages" out to help my case. I know I have to try and slow down the process to give me time to think when she asks rapid targeted questions.

What advice can you give me????? I am at the end---I am trying to be strong---but she is unprofessional, nasty and aggressive.

 

[wretchedotis]

Your lawyer should prepare you for this.

You still have a LOOONG road ahead of you before Trial, if required. So I wouldn't worry about it too much right now.

 

[hadenough]

You do have a ways to go. Cross-examination is set up to *lead you down the garden path* by the OP's Lawyer. Do not be lead down the garden path.

3 words. "Answer The Question" ie; "yes" "no" "I agree with that statement" "I do not agree with that statement"

Your lawyer will be on hand to object to anything that is objectionable. Ask him/her how he/she deals with such a lawyer for the other side.

Finally, the Judges are very familiar with which lawyers try to play dirty. Not only will your lawyer be on hand, but the Judge can and will step in if necessary.

Just remember: Answer the question. Don't elaborate or give long-winded answers to questions put to you. That lawyer is trying to trip you up and put you on-edge. Remain calm, don't be baited, don't show anger. As WO said, you have a ways to go.

So you have time to practice. "Answer The Question" - if you feel a bit flustered and need the question repeated, simply say "can you please repeat the question?" Lawyers that conduct themselves in an aggressive (and even rude) manner are nothing more than hired guns. My friend's ex had a lawyer like that - are her initials JD? I also had the unfortunate experience of dealing with my ex's very unprofessional lawyer - I was fine.

 

[hadenough]

Tayken posted a thread today re: Negative Advocates. Also, I would suggest you search CanLII for decisions that your ex's lawyer was the solicitor on record for. Just put her name into the top search-box on CanLii. I wish I had known sooner, to do that - it would have been somewhat useful.

 

[madm82]

You asked how do you prepare for questioning from a very aggressive lawyer?

Start disagreeing with Tayken

(That was meant with tongue in cheek so please keep it that way!)

But really, and I do mean this in a good way, get "cross-examined" on your side of things on here. It really will help!

 

[Rioe]

You asked how do you prepare for questioning from a very aggressive lawyer?

Start disagreeing with Tayken

(That was meant with tongue in cheek so please keep it that way!)

But really, and I do mean this in a good way, get "cross-examined" on your side of things on here. It really will help!

Haha! It's funny because it's true!

But yes, absolutely, this forum is a great place to put forth your arguments and get them completely picked apart. If you can't handle it here, you won't be able to in court.

Another tip I've heard is to go to court and watch other cases. That way, you know what to expect from the court process, and will be less nervous when it's your turn. You might even see what other aggressive lawyers perform like.

 

[madm82]

Haha! It's funny because it's true!

But yes, absolutely, this forum is a great place to put forth your arguments and get them completely picked apart. If you can't handle it here, you won't be able to in court.

Another tip I've heard is to go to court and watch other cases. That way, you know what to expect from the court process, and will be less nervous when it's your turn. You might even see what other aggressive lawyers perform like.

Maybe I am wrong, but I thought spectators were not allowed in family court. Or are they allowed in trials, just not anywhere else?

 

[hadenough]

Not sure what the hard and fast rule is re: being a spectator. Seems it's generally pretty 'open' to me. As for being nervous: I found that simply stating the truth was quite easy and I didn't feel nervous at all. Prior to trial, usually a few days before - your lawyer will have you come in to discuss Examination in Chief (your lawyer's questions to you) and possible Cross Examination issues that may arise and how best to deal with them.

My ex's lawyer is a clown. He actually asked several really lame, pointless questions - it became hard not to see him as comic relief in what is/was otherwise a tragedy (in the sense that it had come down to what it did, at all).

Like I said before: hired gun.

 

[Tayken]

What advice can you give me????? I am at the end---I am trying to be strong---but she is unprofessional, nasty and aggressive.

Hire competent and experience counsel (lawyer) to represent you.

Considering all the other hearsay contained in your message which I am not going to even address with the counter claims and the courts response to your own aggressive stance to attack the other party's "mental illness" in such a manner.

You can read my other responses to similar statements and recent case law that I post regarding these kinds of unsubstantiated and possibly psychologically abusive allegations before the Superior Court of Justice, Family Law.

You are going to need a highly qualified lawyer to not only help defend yourself against an aggressive litigation but, to help you become aware of how the Family Law Rules work, are applied and the mountains of jurisprudence that will be considered in any ruling for or against you by a justice.

It isn't a good strategy in Family Law to "fight fire with fire".

For the full effect of what a highly conflicted family law litigation actually sounds like click this link.

1. You have the prelude which is the relationship that was going so fine. (0-31 seconds into the song.)

2. The lead up to the fight that ends it all (0:31 - 0:40 seconds into the song.)

3. The explosion of the relationship (0:41 - 0:43 seconds into the song.)

4. Then you have the retaining of lawyers and litigation (0:43 to 4:30 of the song).

5. Then you have the final order from the trial judge. (4:30 to the end of the song.)

If you want your litigation to go like a Metallica song... That is your choice... If you want it to be solutions oriented then I highly recommend you read this thread and the case law outlined in it a few times...

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/introducing-very-honourable-madame-justice-mossip-13753/

If you want to have a good seperation and divorce I highly recommend you follow the patterns of "Changes" by Black Sabbath.

Lyrics: http://www.lyrics007.com/Black Sabbath Lyrics/Changes Lyrics.html

Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNFHo6EffGA

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Changes_(Black_Sabbath_song)

"Changes" is a song by Black Sabbath. It first appeared on Black Sabbath, Vol. 4 which was released in 1972. It is a ballad about relationship loss, inspired mainly by Bill Ward's ongoing divorce at the time.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[mememe]

thanks to everyone for their thoughts. Tayken, I take offense to your comment that I have an aggressive stance in my response and making assumptions about my approach wrt menta lillness. In fact, I have done everything to be respectful (no matter how I have been treated before and after the separation) and to move things forward without conflict. I have suggested working certain issues out together and then showing it to our lawyers for their advice. He simply goes to the lawyer and it results in misunderstanding and more costs to me than to him. Unfortunately my ex uses his mental health as an illness of convenience. When he needs it for sympathy and manipulation he uses his illness (he would cry and then tell me he thinks he was faking it). I supported him emotionally,encouraged him and not only worked in my own profession, but worked and helped manage his own office for more than 20 years. When we separated I assisted with the sale of his practise and the lawyers and accountants involved praised me for my support of him and how I was still helping him even though we were separated.

My challenge is--how do I present my case so I can get the message out that walking on egg shells and being mentally abused myself by his anger/frustrations/self-centeredness resulted in my co-mingling of my inheritance (to keep the marriage alive; to cave to his demands that all money be placed in joint to avoid conflict with him)----had an effect on my mental health and my moving forward in my own profession. It was not the mental health issue that was the cause of the separation. His dysfunctional relationship with his family and their supremacy in his life over his own family was the turning point.

How can I change my wording so that my stance does not result in an interpretation like Tayken's .

I have not listened to the song at this time.

 

[SadAndTired]

Mememe, I am not really sure that the song is truly intended to help you or that you will gain much from listening to it. I am still chuckling at my house. I am unsure as to what the purpose or intent was of providing that song. I am quite sure that Tayken will elaborate for you.

I thought your original post on this thread was quite respectful by not identifying his mental illness, etc.

I don't know that you will be able to convince a court that you were somehow manipulated into giving up your inheritance. As I am sure you know now, once you place inheritance monies in a joint account or into something with joint ownership (like a house) it is considered marital property. The key is to keep it separate all along. I don't know what will help as the law may be very clear that you simply shared it regardless of the reasons.

I assume you also benefited financially from the sale of his practice? Would it even it out some?

 

[firhill]

Maybe I am wrong, but I thought spectators were not allowed in family court. Or are they allowed in trials, just not anywhere else?

I think spectators can attend trials and motions but not conferences, though the Judge did allow family members to hear our conference, after getting approval from the Applicant and the Respondent.

 

[hadenough]

I propose that rather than getting one's hackles raised by comments which are perceived as "offensive" - why not simply look at it as (in terms of viewpoints) the "other side of the coin" or "the devil's advocate?"

Obviously, none of us here 'knows' you (OP, or any OP) or your situation like you do. I think we all need to look at this forum for what it is: a public forum where many people's interpretations are set forth (based on limited information provided) and it affords us an opportunity to think outside the box, as the saying goes.

While it's clear (on this site) that many of us are more than ready to duke it out with a war of words at times, it's also a valuable place to get several different opinions and in some cases, have people share some of their personal observations and experiences.

At the end of the day, our situations, while "unique" to us, are not that unique in the grand scheme of things. Even in court, we often think 'the whole story' will come out, or that every detail will be heard (eventually). The truth is that it won't. What's most important is to get the relevant points of your argument presented with a competent lawyer preferably and a result that is satisfactory. A result that helps us to go forward.

 

[Tayken]

thanks to everyone for their thoughts. Tayken, I take offense to your comment that I have an aggressive stance in my response and making assumptions about my approach wrt menta lillness.

Youyouyou, I hypothesize you will will take offense to any constructive citicism or critical thinking provided by any member of this forum that doesn't "validate" and "vindicate" your allegations against the other party.

Furthermore, I highly read you read the materials posted to CAMH on the impact negative connotations projected on someone's "mental illness" is... It is called discrimination at the most basic level and psychological abuse when committed as "truth" to an affidavit and possibly perjury.

In fact, I have done everything to be respectful (no matter how I have been treated before and after the separation) and to move things forward without conflict.

And calling someone mentally ill on a public message forum and seeking out possibly negative advocates to support your allegations is demonstrative of how you "move things forward without conflict" how?

I have suggested working certain issues out together and then showing it to our lawyers for their advice. He simply goes to the lawyer and it results in misunderstanding and more costs to me than to him. Unfortunately my ex uses his mental health as an illness of convenience.

There is no requirement for the other party to communicate directly with you. It is the other party's right to retain counsel and do this. Bring this argument before the court or even state it in an affidavit in any way shape or form and lets see what a justice has to say about it.

When he needs it for sympathy and manipulation he uses his illness (he would cry and then tell me he thinks he was faking it).

Hearsay... I don't know the other party. But, these kinds of hearsay statements have been made time and time again on this site. I time and time again won't believe them. In fact, recent developments have exposed the true reality and pattern of behaviour of posters who consistently do this.

I supported him emotionally,encouraged him and not only worked in my own profession, but worked and helped manage his own office for more than 20 years.

You were married. People don't get a medal of honour from the family courts for being married.

When we separated I assisted with the sale of his practise and the lawyers and accountants involved praised me for my support of him and how I was still helping him even though we were separated.

Yet, you come to a message forum to lament about this person and make allegations they are mentally ill. Ironic don't you think?

My challenge is--how do I present my case so I can get the message out that walking on egg shells and being mentally abused myself by his anger/frustrations/self-centeredness resulted in my co-mingling of my inheritance (to keep the marriage alive; to cave to his demands that all money be placed in joint to avoid conflict with him)----had an effect on my mental health and my moving forward in my own profession.

Well, it isn't by calling that person mentally ill on any message forum and seeking advice on how to "prove" to the court that they are mentally ill. You are not a mental health professional and even if you were, your statements against the other party already come with bias as you are asking for remedies from the court.

If you have been domestically abused, go to a registered and recognized psychologist and complete all the necessary domestic violence scales and produce them as evidence for the court to evaluate and consider. Make sure you use a recognized professional that doesn't have any bias that has been identified in case law already. (type their name into the CanLII search and see what you get.)

You can call CAMH, which would be the most reputable organization of professionals to apply the numerous domestic violence scales to produce this cogent and relevant evidence in support of your hearsay allegations.

It was not the mental health issue that was the cause of the separation. His dysfunctional relationship with his family and their supremacy in his life over his own family was the turning point.

For whatever reason the marriage failed... The court doesn't care as divorce is "no fault". So the evidence you present on this is irrelevant and presenting it may not work out to your benefit at all.

How can I change my wording so that my stance does not result in an interpretation like Tayken's.

You hare a qualified and respectable lawyer to help you understand and explain the concept of relevance to you.

I have not listened to the song at this time.

Unfortunate, as they are both good songs.

In addition you may want to read the following threads:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/introducing-very-honourable-madame-justice-mossip-13753/

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/honourable-madame-justice-continued-13955/

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/...ssionals-become-negative-advocates-not-13976/

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[mememe]

Thank you for your reply. The ex repeatedly said he would not have had the practise without me. He had no business management sense. We married one weekend and we started the practice the next. I worked my own job and his. He continues to work at the same place and continues to receive the benefit of both our work. He did coerce me to make it joint. This was my reality I am not just saying this as an afyerthought. You will think it silly when I tell you I thought he would be a man of honour and say the inheritance is mine. My friends remind me how I kept saying our divorce would be different as we said we would mot be like others. I am too much an optimist. My career was also affected by my support of his mental health and pressuring. He also wanted me to leave my job and join him . Thank goodness I felt it was the one thing that I could not give up for him. It was my sanity. He is doing everything to take more of my pension than 2 actuaries evaluated (long story) and more. As I said , he and his lawyer have cost me undue amounts of money for lack of communication and pointed nasty acts. The money from the office I put my time energy and expertise into and I would have received money ffrom it if I never stepped into it. Please note he earns 3x I do.
The mental stress I have experienced after the separation and the effect on my job and life has been unbearable.

 

[Tayken]

The mental stress I have experienced after the separation and the effect on my job and life has been unbearable.

With this realization now is the time to seek out possibly theraputic resolution to the "mental stress" that you admit against interest to this forum you are experiencing. The court, this forum and society will not hold that against you and if they do... Let me know and I can provide you all the jurisprudence (case law) and literature written by Canadian Mental Health Professionals and even justices on bench in Canada (Justice Brownstone) who recommend this advice.

Take the time to address your personal issues. You are important and there are a variety of services out there that can help you with the "mental stress" and a variety of different therapeutic methods that these registered clinicians can assist you with.

If you can manage the stress in this situation it can be a much better experience for you or it can be more stressful. How you manage and understand your emotions and the impact of this emotional time in your life is well within your control and there are professionals out there who can help you.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[OhMy]

If you can manage the stress in this situation it can be a much better experience for you or it can be more stressful. How you manage and understand your emotions and the impact of this emotional time in your life is well within your control and there are professionals out there who can help you.

Good Luck!
Tayken

To the OP:

This is very true. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but one of strength.

To add to that, one of my favorite relavent songs

Kelly Clarkson - "What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)" - YouTube

 

[mememe]

fyi we were involved with CAMH, numerous hospitals, psychiatrists and medications and more. We lived with these issues and accomodated our lifestyle accordingly. This was not the cause of the marriage breakdown---I helped him with his illness and supported him throughout the marriage. I chose the years of marriage, I did not choose to be under his control still, for the past 3 years of separation where I, as my lawyer says, in order to move this divorce forward, must still do all the things I did as a wife, but am not his wife.

Thank you Tayken for your input. I am looking for the "other point of view" so that I will know how to present my case in court.

 

[Tayken]

Thank you Tayken for your input. I am looking for the "other point of view" so that I will know how to present my case in court.

As originally recommended the best person to assist you to do that is a licensed and reputable barrister and solicitor who maintains a good standing with the Law Society of Upper Canada.

To this statement above I propose you read the following material:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/...ssionals-become-negative-advocates-not-13976/

I question if you want real "help" or "negative advocates" to tell you how to "win" in court. I for one am not about "winning" in Family Court. No one really "wins" in Family Court...

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[wretchedotis]

I think spectators can attend trials and motions but not conferences, though the Judge did allow family members to hear our conference, after getting approval from the Applicant and the Respondent.

Confereneces (I think) and trials are open court and the public may attend.

Of course, Family Law can be personal and it is best to contact the trial coordinator and ask him/her to find out if there would be any objections from either party that a stranger attend to watch.

I went to a couple of days of court proceedings before my turn to get an idea of how things worked. I asked if I could watch beforehand and was never turned away. But I know for a fact I would have appreciated it as a litigant to be asked if someone could watch as we aired our dirtly laundry in court.

Motions are closed court and cannot be observed.

At least this is my understanding.