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How much alcohol?

When I was a kid I was allowed to drink a little. I would always be offered beer or a mixed drink at weddings or sometimes when my relatives were over. I started mixing drinks for my parents, aunts and uncles when I was about 6. My parents never made a big deal out of alcohol and I didn't start drinking until I was almost 19, which was about 5 years after most of the kids in my high school. I think that it was the relaxed attitude and knowing that I could have a drink if I wanted to.

I let my daughter try some of my alcohol. Most kids don't like it and, although it's anecdotal, most of the kids I knew who were allowed to drink underage didn't or didn't get drunk.

If the kid is getting drunk, that's an issue, though.

For clarification, I've only seen my dad drunk twice, the first time when I was 17, and my never got really drunk, though many of my relatives didn't seem to have any trouble getting to the bottom of a bottle.
 
I have to agree with ONDAD. As long as they are not getting drunk together, if they have a drink here and there together then I don't see the major problem. I don't think there's much you can do about it.
I think it's better you both be open about it and other issues with your children. If it bother's you that much, try having a talk with the child about alcohol.
I wasn't allowed to drink and my parents were not the typical cool parents you could talk to about these kind of things and I ended up going out and getting drunk quite frequently.
On the other hand, my friend had a really good relationship with her parents and would talk openly about things and she rarely ever got drunk.
 
We've allowed our children to have a (very) small glass of wine at a special dinner or a sip of Dad's beer or Mom's drink but really never 'let' them drink alcohol just because it's there.

On the ocassions we have beverages for the adults we also have something available that all the children can have for s special occassion, stuff along the lines of shirley temples or virgin daiquiries so they feel included in the celebration as well.

If I found out my children (12 & 15 )were drinking regularly while with their dad (or anyone else for that matter) then the sh*t would hit the fan, the same would happen if the situation were reversed.
 
I'm not sure how much. I do know it was rum. I guess different people have different views about it. Myself, I don't drink. My ex and myself have different views on drinking. I'm christian and he is not. So, from my view, I feel it's wrong and also a bad influence.
 
If you've already dcided it's wrong then why did you ask???

If you seriously think there is a safety concern, call CAS. If you're not prepared to do that, then likely it isn't as big of an issue as you make it out to be.
 
mcheri said:
OMG you people here have a problem. FUCK YOU ALL MOTHER FUCKERS
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you put in the title advice welcome and then post a comment like this??

By the way my parents let me have a sip of their drinks when I was growing up. Now I drink maybe twice a year. By doing what they did they took away the forbidden aspect of it, so when i was rebelling I already knew that that wasn't something that would tick them off.

Unless they are sitting around cracking a few open then what is the problem?
 
well, i guess the obvious point of it being illegal is redundant here? lost? of course! it wouldn't be any fun if you agreed with mcheri. how is giving alcohol to a 12 yr old ok? does anyone remember what it means to let kids be kids? that means they don't need to be drinking alcohol at 12 yrs old. and for those who chimed in about how they were given alcohol at a young age.. yes, maybe 16 and 17 but 12? really?

mess, dadtotheend, blinkandimgone,epinecone, standing on the sidelines.. you guys are all over this site with your bullshit. and that's mostly all it is. yes, i know....'don't read it if you don't like it'. well, i try not to read it. i start to read posts that look interesting to me and then your names appear and the post turns to shit. when your opinions deviate from what was originally posted, why can't you just keep your mouths shut? you ruin it for the people who can.

you are terrible representations of this site.
 
well, i guess the obvious point of it being illegal is redundant here? lost? of course! it wouldn't be any fun if you agreed with mcheri. how is giving alcohol to a 12 yr old ok? does anyone remember what it means to let kids be kids? that means they don't need to be drinking alcohol at 12 yrs old. and for those who chimed in about how they were given alcohol at a young age.. yes, maybe 16 and 17 but 12? really?
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The first part of your post made sense to a degree but then you just kept talking and disqualified the value of that entirely. It's just as illegal for 16-17 year olds to drink as it is for 12 year olds so you blow your whole self-righteous, better-than-you position when you decided it was ok to pick and choose when laws should apply or not. Laws are laws all the time not just when it's convenient to your situation.

Many cultures and families serve wine at family dinners and everyone gets some even if they're *gasp* younger than 12.

Gosh I hope you don't jaywalk either!!
 
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mcheri said:
I'm not sure how much. I do know it was rum. I guess different people have different views about it. Myself, I don't drink. My ex and myself have different views on drinking. I'm christian and he is not. So, from my view, I feel it's wrong and also a bad influence.
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I don't think the poster said he/she was morally superior. Only that he/she was of the Christian belief and therefore had certain viewpoints on whether children should be drinking at age 12.

Subsequent posters tried to point out that the key factor involved is "how much" alcohol is being consumed. If its a sip or a drink at a special occasion now and then, no big deal. If the kid is drinking excessively, then that is another story. Sounds like they were being reasonable in their advice.

For some parents, children are introduced to alcohol early on, often at the dinner table to accompany a meal. Studies have largely indicated that these children do not suffer any sdverse affects, and to the contrary have a healthy attitude to alcohol later in life. As one poster stated so well, your child is unlikely to abuse something that has not been forbidden by the parent. It is less likely to be an issue when they are older.

Going back to the posters original post, which really I think is asking, how does one deal with a situation when parents disagree on when the child is introduced to alcohol? There might not be much you can do. You can't control what the other parent does with the child anymore then they can dictate what you do when then child is with you. Not helpful I know, but it is the reality.

You need to get more information, about how much is being consumed and how often and respond in an appropriate and measured way to that. If it is not excessive, you might just have to let this go and move on.

Nadia
 
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Nadia said:
I don't think the poster said he/she was morally superior. Only that he/she was of the Christian belief and therefore had certain viewpoints on whether children should be drinking at age 12.
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Stating that you think something is wrong because of your christian beliefs is claiming to be morally superior. It is claiming that other people who don't follow this belief are wrong. Religion is all about moral superiority. In particular I have had conversations with christians who state that morallity is impossible without belief in the christian god, and tht atheists are by definition immoral. I have no idea if all christians believe this, I'm sure most have never thought about it, they just go to church and believe what they are told.

Personally I had wine every week as a child, Blood of Christ and all that. Priest gave it to me.
 
I think what the poster needs to do to ease their conscience about this situation is to find out or just have a talk with your child. Try to see how much is being consumed and how often and see what the child feels or says. As much as it bothers you ( hell, all of us have something that the ex does that bothers us or feel that might be harmful to the child) you are going to have to learn to accept what you might find acceptable or not acceptable will be different from what the other parent thinks. The more you are willing to learn this and live by it the easier it will be for everyone. (don't worry Im still in the early phase of this and it's not the easiest thing to do :( but Im trying my best!)
Like I said, try having a talk with your child, express some of your concerns and you might be surprised at what they have to say. And if that bother's you that much more, try having a talk with the ex about it.
But coming here, posting and wanting feed back is what you wanted and obviously wasn't what you were expecting the reactions to be. But that's the whole point of this forum. Not everyone is going to jump the bandwagon and agree with you. It's different prospectives, different genders and opinions, backgrounds that make this forum work and unique.
But, fowl language and name calling is just "CHILDISH!"
Im guessing that drinking is a sin, what about bad language and swearing? Or using the name of the mother in vain..... seriously.............
 
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Nadia said:
Subsequent posters tried to point out that the key factor involved is "how much" alcohol is being consumed. If its a sip or a drink at a special occasion now and then, no big deal. If the kid is drinking excessively, then that is another story. Sounds like they were being reasonable in their advice.

For some parents, children are introduced to alcohol early on, often at the dinner table to accompany a meal. Studies have largely indicated that these children do not suffer any sdverse affects, and to the contrary have a healthy attitude to alcohol later in life. As one poster stated so well, your child is unlikely to abuse something that has not been forbidden by the parent. It is less likely to be an issue when they are older.

Going back to the posters original post, which really I think is asking, how does one deal with a situation when parents disagree on when the child is introduced to alcohol? There might not be much you can do. You can't control what the other parent does with the child anymore then they can dictate what you do when then child is with you. Not helpful I know, but it is the reality.

You need to get more information, about how much is being consumed and how often and respond in an appropriate and measured way to that. If it is not excessive, you might just have to let this go and move on.

Nadia
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great post Nadia!!
 
Mess said:
Stating that you think something is wrong because of your christian beliefs is claiming to be morally superior.
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Thank you... ;)

Mess said:
Personally I had wine every week as a child, Blood of Christ and all that. Priest gave it to me.
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Good Point!! :)


When mcheri snapped like that, I was wondering if there had been posts that had been deleted, because it just seemed like such an extreme reaction... but I am getting the impression that some of the responses as of late, have more to do with hurt feelings and personality conflicts than anything else. :confused:

When one is already going through a serparation/divorce and is understandably upset and stressed... it is unfortunate that their frustration is exacerbated by participating in online forums, such as O.D.

Well constructed arguments and varying opinions can be extremely helpful in a number of instances... and I find some arguments can be healthy and mentally stimulating.

Personal attacks, name calling, cursing, and the like are unnecessary and a little disturbing... but are somewhat expected, given the nature of this forum and the emotionally driven participants.

Regardless of gender, age, religion or creed.... we are clearly all capable of acting like immature, foul-mouthed miscreants.

Just my 2 cents.... Carry on..... ;)
 
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