Advice Please

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tiredofthisnow

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My children are older, one is with me, one is elsewhere. He has decided he shouldn't have to pay child support or extraordinary expenses. My lawyer has suggested that I send him an offer to settle before our case conference. What is reasonable?? I don't understand how he believes now his parenting is done since the children have left his care.
 
How old are the kids? You say one is with you and the other is elsewhere? Where?

Depends on a lot of stuff, mainly how old the kids are, whether they are still in school, out on their own, self supporting, etc.
 
if they are under 18, then child support is mandatory. He must pay for the one living with you. As for the other child, if he/she is also under 18, or attending post secondary then you BOTH should be paying that relative.

CS is not really negotiable, but since your children are older it would be a shame to see it go to court. I suggest you listen to your lawyer and start drafting an offer. Just make sure it includes the option for CS continueing during postsecondary for both kids.
 
I actually said that I would NOT take CS from him but wanted the extraordinary expenses. I would like them to be able to go to college, the dentist, etc. He said NO, he has no money so deal with it. I was being reasonable but he refused to sign the documents. So case conference we go and I can't believe that it has gotten this far out of hand.
I have no problem with paying for the one who doesn't live with me though, the lawyer is aware of that.
 
reasonable? or negotiable?

reasonable? or negotiable?

Just playing the devil's advocate here.

tiredofthisnow said:
What is reasonable?? I don't understand how he believes now his parenting is done since the children have left his care.
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Maybe your ex-husband believes that you mistreated him. Might that be a possibility?
 
tiredofthisnow said:
I actually said that I would NOT take CS from him but wanted the extraordinary expenses. I would like them to be able to go to college, the dentist, etc. He said NO, he has no money so deal with it. I was being reasonable but he refused to sign the documents. So case conference we go and I can't believe that it has gotten this far out of hand.
I have no problem with paying for the one who doesn't live with me though, the lawyer is aware of that.
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Your position is very reasonable. He cannot just decide he can't pay. Go to your case conference prepared to move forward.
 
There are lots of things that are a possibility that weren't written in the post, it would be asinine to try to determine all the things that weren't said and if that's why he decided what he did.

When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter why, one cannot just up and decide they no longer want to meet their obligation s and responsibilities and expect that it should and will be accepted by everyone else.
 
to ArarX, I don't understand how saying no, I don't want your money for CS is being unreasonable. If the children wish to go to college or need glasses, don't you think as a parent that is something that you should encourage (school) and glasses or a dentist is a necessity. I am somewhat at a loss as to why you would say that is unreasonable.
 
blinkandimgone said:
There are lots of things that are a possibility that weren't written in the post, it would be asinine to try to determine all the things that weren't said and if that's why he decided what he did.
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Since you put it that way, I think it would be highly intelligent to begin this analysis by observing that the OP, despite being married to the person in question, is completely clueless as to what her former husband motives might be.

blinkandimgone said:
When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter why, one cannot just up and decide they no longer want to meet their obligation s and responsibilities and expect that it should and will be accepted by everyone else.
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That may not be his expectations and what you just said is no secret. Therefore, I think it would also be intelligent to assume that he knows that too. Thus, if you want to figure out what motivates his actions, it would be wise to presume he is taking that into account. It is sort of like playing chess.




tiredofthisnow said:
If the children wish to go to college or need glasses, don't you think as a parent that is something that you should encourage (school) and glasses or a dentist is a necessity.
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School is not the same as glasses or the dentist. I think most formal schooling is over-rated glorified welfare.

tiredofthisnow said:
I am somewhat at a loss as to why you would say that is unreasonable.
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I am not saying it is unreasonable. I am saying that your husband may think it is reasonable -- only you would know, if anybody.

Let me be blunt: Your husband may just want to make life miserable for you and withholding child support payments may be his only way to retaliate. He may be quite cognisant of the fact that he will fail but he may enjoy watching you squirm in the short term.
 
Let me be blunt: Your husband may just want to make life miserable for you and withholding child support payments may be his only way to retaliate. He may be quite cognisant of the fact that he will fail but he may enjoy watching you squirm in the short term.
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Or he may legitimately not have the funds. Or he may be hoping that the more difficult he makes it, the less likely you will be to pursue things.

Continued support for post secondary education is standard. He doesn't just arbitrarily get to stop it "just because". The child will also be responsible for some of their expenses, as will you. Your hubby will have to simply suck up the costs and make do if you push things far enough.

You *should* be pushing for continued CS while they are at post secondary as well, if you want to be reasonable about things, maybe offer that he pays the sum directly to the child and that the monthly payments be counted towards his proportional share of CS.
 
AnarX said:
Since you put it that way, I think it would be highly intelligent to begin this analysis by observing that the OP, despite being married to the person in question, is completely clueless as to what her former husband motives might be.

That may not be his expectations and what you just said is no secret. Therefore, I think it would also be intelligent to assume that he knows that too. Thus, if you want to figure out what motivates his actions, it would be wise to presume he is taking that into account. It is sort of like playing chess.
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I believe she was looking for advice on what a reasonable offer to settle would be, not on what his motivations could be. Regardless of his motivations, if there is a court order stating that he pays child support then he has no legal right to simply stop paying on a whim.

Your comment that his motivation could be because she mistreated him is stupid and irrelevant. As is your comment that young adults getting an education is 'over-rated glorified welfare' especially considering people pay for their own education. Your comparison is ridiculous, makes no sense whatsoever and I doubt you'll get much support from anyone on your theory on education.
 
TiredOTN,
How much money do you want your ex-husband to give you?
How much money does he make a year?
How much money do you make a year?
How much money does your child make a year?

What does your lawyer recommend as a reasonable offer?
 
Way to take this thread down a pointless garden path AnarX. It's "possible" that I will get hit by a bus today, "possible" that I will win the lottery.

Speculating about unasked for and untabled concerns is useless.
 
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