Aden ... how you holding up?
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Not so good....
Not so good....
Hubby,
Thanks things brightened up for a week, my ex actually was talking about me coming home, I saw our son had great lunch, hung out, and bang... it all went down hill, she is now declaring bankruptcy in the next month or so, and she is blaming me, when I have given her everything I have made from work.. I have not seen our son in 12 days now.... he told me two nights ago that he missed me twice.. I am at the end of my rope with this, she is not doing so well emotionally at all and I am ready to tell my lawyer to take action, since I need to see the kids... neither of us wanted to go to court, I hope that she is willing to negotiate, I have vbeen nothing but forthcoming to her.... I have been honest and straight about everything...I have had a terrible morning with all of this... and a terrible week... I am trying as my freinds are saying to focus on being strong,, and it is very hard to do that. Everyone is telling me that she is being far to reactionary about everything, I don`t know what to think, Ive given all I can at this point...so I am trying to keep my head above the water and be strong..
I am being told that she will flip flop back and forth.
She told me the other day that she just does not think that she can even see me or speak to me , she also does not seem to understand that she cannot hold me back from seeing our kids, that the courts look at equal access, very differently than what she seems to think...or is acting like...
Everyone is telling me that I have been too too nice... I thought that we were supposed work out things without messes.. and now this is one big mess.. Anyhow,, what do I do.. I need to see the kids.. I am surprised that she is being this way but under strain , people act very differently, any advice throw it my way, I need all I can get.. She is hurting but I need to see our kids..
Thanks for the thoughts...
Not so good....
Hubby,
Thanks things brightened up for a week, my ex actually was talking about me coming home, I saw our son had great lunch, hung out, and bang... it all went down hill, she is now declaring bankruptcy in the next month or so, and she is blaming me, when I have given her everything I have made from work.. I have not seen our son in 12 days now.... he told me two nights ago that he missed me twice.. I am at the end of my rope with this, she is not doing so well emotionally at all and I am ready to tell my lawyer to take action, since I need to see the kids... neither of us wanted to go to court, I hope that she is willing to negotiate, I have vbeen nothing but forthcoming to her.... I have been honest and straight about everything...I have had a terrible morning with all of this... and a terrible week... I am trying as my freinds are saying to focus on being strong,, and it is very hard to do that. Everyone is telling me that she is being far to reactionary about everything, I don`t know what to think, Ive given all I can at this point...so I am trying to keep my head above the water and be strong..
I am being told that she will flip flop back and forth.
She told me the other day that she just does not think that she can even see me or speak to me , she also does not seem to understand that she cannot hold me back from seeing our kids, that the courts look at equal access, very differently than what she seems to think...or is acting like...
Everyone is telling me that I have been too too nice... I thought that we were supposed work out things without messes.. and now this is one big mess.. Anyhow,, what do I do.. I need to see the kids.. I am surprised that she is being this way but under strain , people act very differently, any advice throw it my way, I need all I can get.. She is hurting but I need to see our kids..
Thanks for the thoughts...
hubby
New member
Up and downs
Up and downs
Aden,
Can relate. I'm convinced she must be going throught some mid life crisis thing?
You know, I have to tell ya this. You know the law of for every 'action' there is a 'reaction? It seems everytime you initiate reaching out ... she ends up retreating into her own world. Give her LOTS of space.
Your wife is hurting at so many levels, she needs time and space to heal ...
I'd say that you have two orders of business ... taking care of yourself/kids and regaining access to your kids. Legal counsel can direct you on how to go about getting back access to the kids ...
Our thoughts and wishs go out to you Aden ... be strong.
Hubby
Up and downs
Aden,
Can relate. I'm convinced she must be going throught some mid life crisis thing?
You know, I have to tell ya this. You know the law of for every 'action' there is a 'reaction? It seems everytime you initiate reaching out ... she ends up retreating into her own world. Give her LOTS of space.
Your wife is hurting at so many levels, she needs time and space to heal ...
I'd say that you have two orders of business ... taking care of yourself/kids and regaining access to your kids. Legal counsel can direct you on how to go about getting back access to the kids ...
Our thoughts and wishs go out to you Aden ... be strong.
Hubby
You are right
You are right
Your right Hubby,
She is emotionally done.. I have tried everything to help her and it has accomplished very little, very little.
I am seeing my own therapist today , which is good... I only hope that she can try and resume some type of cordial rapport with me again....
I keep getting warned to be wary for her flipping back again.. the other way...
I am going to have to work at seeing the kids, she thinks that she can withhold them from me, pending our seperation agreement negotiations... she is really shooting for the moon with the issues... I have to be strong for the kids, and myself. I appreciate all the advice... I hope this can be settled without court issues... I truly do. keep it up- I need all the help i can get...
Aden
You are right
Your right Hubby,
She is emotionally done.. I have tried everything to help her and it has accomplished very little, very little.
I am seeing my own therapist today , which is good... I only hope that she can try and resume some type of cordial rapport with me again....
I keep getting warned to be wary for her flipping back again.. the other way...
I am going to have to work at seeing the kids, she thinks that she can withhold them from me, pending our seperation agreement negotiations... she is really shooting for the moon with the issues... I have to be strong for the kids, and myself. I appreciate all the advice... I hope this can be settled without court issues... I truly do. keep it up- I need all the help i can get...
Aden
hubby
New member
Aden,
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Both you and the spouse live in seperate dwellings? You moved out into your own place and she has her own place with the kids? Are you continuing to help her pay the rent/mortgage and bills? How long have you been living in seperate places?
So my question is this, if there be no formal seperation agreement in place and Aden is continuing to support her and the kids financially ... can Aden move back in without her consent to be able to see his kids? Provided he can show that he is helping to support her household.
Logicalvelocity and Grace will probably mention 'status quo' and defacto remarks ... not sure what implications this has based on what has been done in your situation.
I sense that, if what you are doing has not worked up to this point, change it. She is not responding to how you are doing things now Aden, suggest that you change the way you are approaching things, then observe her reactions to the change ... either way, a change of tactics may be required to bring about the change you wish to see in her. You said that for a time, "things brightened up for a week"... there be your ticket ... what did you do or not do that brought this about? If you can recall what is was and continue to do it ... you may experience some breakthrough. Be gentle about this, she is going through some tought times too.
Let Love and respect go forth from you Aden ... to soften her heart and to keep you in a place of peace and rest.
Hubby
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Both you and the spouse live in seperate dwellings? You moved out into your own place and she has her own place with the kids? Are you continuing to help her pay the rent/mortgage and bills? How long have you been living in seperate places?
So my question is this, if there be no formal seperation agreement in place and Aden is continuing to support her and the kids financially ... can Aden move back in without her consent to be able to see his kids? Provided he can show that he is helping to support her household.
Logicalvelocity and Grace will probably mention 'status quo' and defacto remarks ... not sure what implications this has based on what has been done in your situation.
I sense that, if what you are doing has not worked up to this point, change it. She is not responding to how you are doing things now Aden, suggest that you change the way you are approaching things, then observe her reactions to the change ... either way, a change of tactics may be required to bring about the change you wish to see in her. You said that for a time, "things brightened up for a week"... there be your ticket ... what did you do or not do that brought this about? If you can recall what is was and continue to do it ... you may experience some breakthrough. Be gentle about this, she is going through some tought times too.
Let Love and respect go forth from you Aden ... to soften her heart and to keep you in a place of peace and rest.
Hubby
thanks,,
thanks,,
I had not been calling her and she`s called me each time.. to ask for financial help- yes I have been helping out with all the funds I have made- and it has been quite substantial as well. I have helped out as much as I would have if I had been working full time - like my old job..- but it has been all of my funds- I have nothing left, until I get paid again....she is asking for quite alot in the separation agreement, I don`t want to hurt our kids and tear them out of the living environment they are used to-- they have a live in Nanny as well.... but I certainly want to spend as much time as possible with our kids as I can....
I appreciate all of the advice... My ex actually does not seem to realise that her withholding the kids on me does not look very good either. I have been told many times that she has got to let me see them.. and that it won`t help her much if it does happen to go to court.
Neither of us want that to happen... but I need to see my son and he needs to see me- I hardly know our daughter, for crying out loud.. she is only 8 mths old on top of it all.... My ex is a great Mom and a great parent, and normally very compassionate about issues... she is definetly stressed out in a bad way...
Thanks again.. keep up the advice.
Take care,
Aden
thanks,,
I had not been calling her and she`s called me each time.. to ask for financial help- yes I have been helping out with all the funds I have made- and it has been quite substantial as well. I have helped out as much as I would have if I had been working full time - like my old job..- but it has been all of my funds- I have nothing left, until I get paid again....she is asking for quite alot in the separation agreement, I don`t want to hurt our kids and tear them out of the living environment they are used to-- they have a live in Nanny as well.... but I certainly want to spend as much time as possible with our kids as I can....
I appreciate all of the advice... My ex actually does not seem to realise that her withholding the kids on me does not look very good either. I have been told many times that she has got to let me see them.. and that it won`t help her much if it does happen to go to court.
Neither of us want that to happen... but I need to see my son and he needs to see me- I hardly know our daughter, for crying out loud.. she is only 8 mths old on top of it all.... My ex is a great Mom and a great parent, and normally very compassionate about issues... she is definetly stressed out in a bad way...
Thanks again.. keep up the advice.
Take care,
Aden
Oops
Oops
Yes, I forgot to answer your question.. Yes i am living at home again, with my paernts, she moved out of our home.. and now I am trying to sell it... with her consent, although she is likely going to go bankrupt now- shes thrown in the towel... and is blaming me as well for that... not sure what to do, but the kids are my main issue right now-- our house is vacant right now.. and I have under two months to try and sell it.... so that at least that burden will be taken care of at least....
Thanks again...
Oops
Yes, I forgot to answer your question.. Yes i am living at home again, with my paernts, she moved out of our home.. and now I am trying to sell it... with her consent, although she is likely going to go bankrupt now- shes thrown in the towel... and is blaming me as well for that... not sure what to do, but the kids are my main issue right now-- our house is vacant right now.. and I have under two months to try and sell it.... so that at least that burden will be taken care of at least....
Thanks again...
Aden,
Sorry to hear that your situation hasn't improved. Stay strong for your kids sake.
Check with your lawyer to see what ramifications her filing for bankruptcy will have on your marital assets and your credit rating. You may find out that you are responsible for her debts.
I hope things turn around for you soon.
Grace
Sorry to hear that your situation hasn't improved. Stay strong for your kids sake.
Check with your lawyer to see what ramifications her filing for bankruptcy will have on your marital assets and your credit rating. You may find out that you are responsible for her debts.
I hope things turn around for you soon.
Grace
thanks...
thanks...
Grace,
Thank you for your words....
I appreciate them.
I am just spinning over one thing after another with this mess....
I am trying to keep my head above the water..
She keeps adding and adding to the situation over and over again.... and I just cannot believe what a mess it`s become..
I am afraid that she is going to take any move I make the wrong way, but I have to be able to see our kids... I have to.. it just is not fair for her to hold them from seeing me, no matter how busy she is.. she has no reasons at all whatsoever... she says it is too hard on her to see me, but the kids need to see me. I know my son misses me, and I need to get to know our daughter as she grows older..she`s only 8 mths old.
I appreciate the advice, I have to move on this, I ust have to have the strength to do it..
Cheers,
thanks...
Grace,
Thank you for your words....
I appreciate them.
I am just spinning over one thing after another with this mess....
I am trying to keep my head above the water..
She keeps adding and adding to the situation over and over again.... and I just cannot believe what a mess it`s become..
I am afraid that she is going to take any move I make the wrong way, but I have to be able to see our kids... I have to.. it just is not fair for her to hold them from seeing me, no matter how busy she is.. she has no reasons at all whatsoever... she says it is too hard on her to see me, but the kids need to see me. I know my son misses me, and I need to get to know our daughter as she grows older..she`s only 8 mths old.
I appreciate the advice, I have to move on this, I ust have to have the strength to do it..
Cheers,
Aden,
We are all here to help you. Where are you, on the legal front? Sounds to me like you are trying to work out some kind of separation agreement. Although I'm a great advocate for mediation, collaborative law and settling issues between both parents, some cases are just better off settled in front of a Judge. I think you have been patience long enough and your ex seem well versed on status quo and defacto custody. Talk to your lawyer about commencing legal proceedings for sole custody, with access to her. She needs to know that each parent has a right to parent their child. And more importantly each child needs and has the rights to have both parents in their lives. You may be the parent to provide this for them.
Stay strong,
Grace
We are all here to help you. Where are you, on the legal front? Sounds to me like you are trying to work out some kind of separation agreement. Although I'm a great advocate for mediation, collaborative law and settling issues between both parents, some cases are just better off settled in front of a Judge. I think you have been patience long enough and your ex seem well versed on status quo and defacto custody. Talk to your lawyer about commencing legal proceedings for sole custody, with access to her. She needs to know that each parent has a right to parent their child. And more importantly each child needs and has the rights to have both parents in their lives. You may be the parent to provide this for them.
Stay strong,
Grace
hubby
New member
Take action
Take action
I agree with Grace. With status quo or defacto now in the equation because of the time that has elapsed ... talk to your legal counsel about looking into sole custody and access granted to your wife to bring about your wish to be able to see your kids again.
Something keeps trying to get my attention ... its when you say 'she hurts everytime she see's you' -- there is something in that statement that needs to see the light, for the truth to be revealed ... only then can both of your freedom's be obtained.
There is HURT on both sides, you both need to FORGIVE. We all make mistakes, they need to be acknowledged, only then will those hurts loose their GRIP over both of you.
Hubby
Take action
I agree with Grace. With status quo or defacto now in the equation because of the time that has elapsed ... talk to your legal counsel about looking into sole custody and access granted to your wife to bring about your wish to be able to see your kids again.
Something keeps trying to get my attention ... its when you say 'she hurts everytime she see's you' -- there is something in that statement that needs to see the light, for the truth to be revealed ... only then can both of your freedom's be obtained.
There is HURT on both sides, you both need to FORGIVE. We all make mistakes, they need to be acknowledged, only then will those hurts loose their GRIP over both of you.
Hubby
I hear you...
I hear you...
Thanks Hubby,
half is telling me to fight for seeing the kids , the other half is telling me not to upset or hurt her by doing that, when she is already hurting , but I am as well... and our kids need to see me too..
She files yesterday for bankruptcy... so now i am carrying half the debt load form our joint debts and a morgtage which is deferred until march or so-- I have been advised to sell the place if I can possibly do that....
I am totally frozen with numbness.... i have tried everything I can think of, nothing has helped much.. I am on a slippery slope...
She is pushing for a quick response from my lawyer to hers....
-Thanks for the advice.. here we go...
-Aden
I hear you...
Thanks Hubby,
half is telling me to fight for seeing the kids , the other half is telling me not to upset or hurt her by doing that, when she is already hurting , but I am as well... and our kids need to see me too..
She files yesterday for bankruptcy... so now i am carrying half the debt load form our joint debts and a morgtage which is deferred until march or so-- I have been advised to sell the place if I can possibly do that....
I am totally frozen with numbness.... i have tried everything I can think of, nothing has helped much.. I am on a slippery slope...
She is pushing for a quick response from my lawyer to hers....
-Thanks for the advice.. here we go...
-Aden
hubby
New member
I
I
Aden,
Just to quote you "I am totally frozen with numbness.... i have tried everything I can think of, nothing has helped much.. I am on a slippery slope..."
It's been my experience in life that the more "I" (ego/you) try to do something the more "I" struggles. All my life, I've done everything to best of my ability ... and it came at a cost ... marriage breakdown, anxiety, lost time with family. You get the picture.
It was only when "I" turned my attention away from the struggles and faced 'HIM' that "I" found peace, rest and needs taken care of. After all, when something be 'broke' I go back to the creator to get it 'fixed'.
Aden, the choice is yours, continue to struggle or hand it up to him to take care of ... sit back and watch the amazing things that will unfold before you!
Hubby
I
Aden,
Just to quote you "I am totally frozen with numbness.... i have tried everything I can think of, nothing has helped much.. I am on a slippery slope..."
It's been my experience in life that the more "I" (ego/you) try to do something the more "I" struggles. All my life, I've done everything to best of my ability ... and it came at a cost ... marriage breakdown, anxiety, lost time with family. You get the picture.
It was only when "I" turned my attention away from the struggles and faced 'HIM' that "I" found peace, rest and needs taken care of. After all, when something be 'broke' I go back to the creator to get it 'fixed'.
Aden, the choice is yours, continue to struggle or hand it up to him to take care of ... sit back and watch the amazing things that will unfold before you!
Hubby
Thanks
Thanks
Thank you..
This week has been unusually hard on me... I need to remain strong.. and this week is a prime example of how much anxiety and harsh words that can be a weapon....I tend to be a bit tough on myself... I am a great Daddy and I need to realise that I have to be there for my kids.... they need thier Daddy.
I know that my son misses me, he told me so....
Thanks Hubby.. hope you are having a good day...
Cheers.. I appreciate all the support, been the hardest week yet..
Aden
Thanks
Thank you..
This week has been unusually hard on me... I need to remain strong.. and this week is a prime example of how much anxiety and harsh words that can be a weapon....I tend to be a bit tough on myself... I am a great Daddy and I need to realise that I have to be there for my kids.... they need thier Daddy.
I know that my son misses me, he told me so....
Thanks Hubby.. hope you are having a good day...
Cheers.. I appreciate all the support, been the hardest week yet..
Aden
Trying..
Trying..
Hi there, I am trying to have a better week, our son is not calling me at all..its like shes trying to keep the kids from me..until i reply to her lawyers letter..and work something out with her..Im pretty wrecked emotionally..unfortunately I don`t seem to have much fight left in me...and I havent even been fighting....she knows I miss and want to see the children..
I have to see them though...
Thank you for the support..I know i am a great Dad.. just need the chance to be one again..
Trying..
Hi there, I am trying to have a better week, our son is not calling me at all..its like shes trying to keep the kids from me..until i reply to her lawyers letter..and work something out with her..Im pretty wrecked emotionally..unfortunately I don`t seem to have much fight left in me...and I havent even been fighting....she knows I miss and want to see the children..
I have to see them though...
Thank you for the support..I know i am a great Dad.. just need the chance to be one again..
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