Access

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Upset Nana

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n our court ordered agreement it states "The respondent (my ex) shall be responsible for picking up the child at the applicants (me) residence at the commencement of his parenting time and dropping child off at the applicant's residence at the conclusion of his parenting time". Today he sent his father to pick up child, and I refused to hand over as it was not my ex. Was I legal correct in doing this. I had a feeling he was working at the time. Our agreement states the days and times he has child as he works continental shifts so has days off during the week. Today being that day. Well I found out he is not off today he is working. Also the agreement states Parenting time for child shall be split between the parties in accordance with the following schedule which extends over a two week period and the repeats. Respondent has child Monday 9 am to Tuesday to 5:30 pm as he is off, works next 2 days so child is with me. Then pick up at Thursday evening 7:15 pm until Sunday at 6 pm as he is off, the he works 2 days then off 2 days. After schedule is laid out in agreement it states "The above schedule woul follow the respondents employment schedule". I think he has a change in his work schedule and has not told me, is there anything I can do?
 
I think you're being rather controlling. it is up to him to make arrangements for transportation on his time and up to him to arrange who he wants to share his time with. If he wants to arrange for the child to have visits with their extended family during his time - which you should be ENCOURAGING - that is his choice.

Your order says he shall be responsible, it doesn't say that HE and only HE can transport or spend time with the child.

No, you weren't correct - legally OR morally. What you SHOULD be doing is speaking directly with him if you have concerns and not unilaterally making decisions to restrict his access based on what you THINK might be going on.
 
Well the concerns I have is his father is an alcoholic and it is a decision I made as to the best interest of the child. I did not deny his time just who should be picking her up, the schedule was made so he has time on his days off which now I find out he is working today and has his alcoholic father watching the child.
 
You are being unreasonable. Your ex is permitted to use his discretion and allow other individuals to pick up the child for his parenting time if he is otherwise unable.

Unless Grandpa was drunk infront of you, you have no reasonable grounds to refuse to release the child. Grandpa may be an alcoholic, but he may also be capable of holding off a few hours until dad gets off work. You have no right to deny parenting time on the reasoning that Grandpa MAY drink during such time.
 
Upset Nana said:
Well the concerns I have is his father is an alcoholic and it is a decision I made as to the best interest of the child. I did not deny his time just who should be picking her up, the schedule was made so he has time on his days off which now I find out he is working today and has his alcoholic father watching the child.
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Where does it say anything in the court order about your Ex's father? It doesn't, does it?

How do you think your child not spending time with your Ex's family or your Ex is "the best interest of the child"?

You did NOT know at the time of denying time that your Ex was working then or the following day.

The judge's order is NOT an order for you or your Ex. The judge's order states where your child needs to legally be at given times.

The actual order states "The respondent shall be responsible for picking up the child at the applicants residence at the commencement of his parenting time and dropping child off at the applicant's residence at the conclusion of his parenting time".

Your Ex was 'responsible' for the pickup eventhough his agent (his father) did the actual pick up.

If you are still confused, ask yourself why the order does not say 'The respondent shall pick up the child'.

Ultimately, without grounds, you over ruled the judge's decision.
 
...had a feeling he was working at the time
...Today being that day. Well I found out he is not off today he is working
...I think he has a change in his work schedule and has not told me, is there anything I can do?
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Really, you sit around trying to figure out whether or not the guy took a day off of work or switched around a shift?!?

Here's what I think you should do....take up knitting. You have wayyyyyy too much time on your hands.

Holy stalker.
 
OK nana: There is 100% concurrence on this subject, and from a wide range of people who otherwise sometimes (usually, even) disagree on issues like this.

You came for advice and you got it - I only hope that you will take it to heart and act on it.

And that, as Forrest said, is all I have to say about that.

Cheers!

Gary
 
...which now I find out he is working today and has his alcoholic father watching the child.
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Do you have evidence that he's drunk watching the child and that its causing the child harm? I had a lot of people in my family that were heavy drinkers...and I still loved them and loved spending time with them growing up. Your assessment of his drinking habits is highly suspicious to say the least. If he got someone to watch the child so that he could still keep his time in place with her and got a babysitter..that's totally his perogative. If you want to highlight off the court order words, look them up to find every intimate meaning and then stalk him to find out when he's working...I would simply ask you what your motive is...

I can tell you what your motive isn't....

...the best interest of the child.
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Seriously, for your own sanity, find something to do with your time and stop the harrassment.
 
Upset Nana said:
n our court ordered agreement it states "The respondent (my ex) shall be responsible for picking up the child at the applicants (me) residence at the commencement of his parenting time and dropping child off at the applicant's residence at the conclusion of his parenting time". Today he sent his father to pick up child, and I refused to hand over as it was not my ex. Was I legal correct in doing this. I had a feeling he was working at the time. Our agreement states the days and times he has child as he works continental shifts so has days off during the week. Today being that day. Well I found out he is not off today he is working. Also the agreement states Parenting time for child shall be split between the parties in accordance with the following schedule which extends over a two week period and the repeats. Respondent has child Monday 9 am to Tuesday to 5:30 pm as he is off, works next 2 days so child is with me. Then pick up at Thursday evening 7:15 pm until Sunday at 6 pm as he is off, the he works 2 days then off 2 days. After schedule is laid out in agreement it states "The above schedule woul follow the respondents employment schedule". I think he has a change in his work schedule and has not told me, is there anything I can do?
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I agree with the other posters. You were wrong. Moreover you're in contempt. If i were you, I would not only apologize for your error, I would offer him make up time for the the time you unilaterally denied access. Asap!
 
I have a feeling she left as she didn't hear what she wanted that she could deny access on the basis that:

1. it wasn't her ex doing the pickup (even though there is no provision restricting OP's ex from using their reasonable discretion to determine who pick up the child in their place); and

2. that, yeah Grampa may be a drunk, but unless he WAS drunk, the OP didn't have reasonable ground to believe there was a reasonable chance the child was in imminent danger by being in Grampa's care.

In other words, she screwed up. Got told. And she doesn't like it.
 
I remember at the start of my separation, I couldn't bear reading this forum. It was so depressing and upsetting. I couldn't believe how heavy handed people seemed or how life shatteringly negative things were all that were discussed.

Now I feel right at home, like I'm part of a big screwed up family. :cool:

Obviously I support everyone's responses. She's a whack job.
 
Yep, she's a whackjob. Good for all of you for getting to her before us. My dad was a drunk, and I would absolutly make sure that he was never around our daughter drunk. He was allowed when sober though, and since he is gone I am very happy that she got to spend some time with him.
 
LostFather said:
I agree with the other posters. You were wrong. Moreover you're in contempt. If i were you, I would not only apologize for your error, I would offer him make up time for the the time you unilaterally denied access. Asap!
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This is a very important point and excellent recommendation.

Judges do not think access denials are funny at all. Now, if this is the first time you will get a slap on the hand and the order will be updated probably to reflect details about identifying delegates to each parent prior to their attending and picking up your children.

Anxiety is a very common problem after divorce. Your post sounds like you are more anxious than truly worried.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
winterwolf7 said:
I remember at the start of my separation, I couldn't bear reading this forum. It was so depressing and upsetting. I couldn't believe how heavy handed people seemed or how life shatteringly negative things were all that were discussed.

Now I feel right at home, like I'm part of a big screwed up family. :cool:

Obviously I support everyone's responses. She's a whack job.
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I can see why some would find this forum to be negitive in some ways...I must say before I joined I read a few of the posts and was uncertain about asking questions... but I now find myself here at least once a day reading what is going on... never know when his STBX will pull something like others are and its nice to have the advice here...just wish everyone was able to take it:)
 
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