Abusive husband files false charges

Hi Venice,
My contacts are all in the Ottawa area. If you need help....I can look it up for you. Let me know and good luck.

Glad your calling a women's shelter.
Bri
 
Update

Update

Thank you to everyone who replied. I contacted a woman's shelter and spoke to a counsellor who was very helpful. She recommended to contact the police once again and insist that an investigation be conducted. She provided me with the names of female officers who specialiize in domestic abuse cases. I spoke at length to one of these officers yesterday and she advised me to prepare a declaration, attach all documentation I have, and that an investigator will be assigned to the case and that potentially, my husband could face charges of criminal harassment, intimidation and/or mischief. I am preparing the declaration and will be meeting with the officer on the weekend. I feel relieved that there are options I can pursue to protect myself. I can also receive free counselling through the woman's shelter so this will be helpful as well. Again, I appreciate all the advice and support provided by all of you. Thank you so much!
 
Thank you to everyone who replied. I contacted a woman's shelter and spoke to a counsellor who was very helpful. She recommended to contact the police once again and insist that an investigation be conducted. She provided me with the names of female officers who specialiize in domestic abuse cases. I spoke at length to one of these officers yesterday and she advised me to prepare a declaration, attach all documentation I have, and that an investigator will be assigned to the case and that potentially, my husband could face charges of criminal harassment, intimidation and/or mischief. I am preparing the declaration and will be meeting with the officer on the weekend. I feel relieved that there are options I can pursue to protect myself. I can also receive free counselling through the woman's shelter so this will be helpful as well. Again, I appreciate all the advice and support provided by all of you. Thank you so much!


Sounds like they are "coaching" you not to receive justice but to screw your husband. Sorry. It's just the way it seems.

My advice; Don't lie or embellish. A good criminal lawyer will turn you upside down in court and then the family judge gets the transcript.

State the truth and you will win.Lie and in the end you will end up on the losing side. Women Shelter's always coach women to embellish or down right lie. I mean a woman cop? Come on.
 
Sounds like they are "coaching" you not to receive justice but to screw your husband. Sorry. It's just the way it seems.

My advice; Don't lie or embellish. A good criminal lawyer will turn you upside down in court and then the family judge gets the transcript.

State the truth and you will win.Lie and in the end you will end up on the losing side. Women Shelter's always coach women to embellish or down right lie. I mean a woman cop? Come on.

Given the story you have presented to this forum I would expect you to be somewhat sympathetic to someone who is being abused. Nowhere did she say that they asked her to lie. You should understand that abused people tend to underestimate the abuse and downplay it. The abuser tells them that it was nothing, it's part of the damage!!! Any professional who works with abused women (or men) knows this, and so they have to help them gain the strength to stand up for themselves.

Shame on you. After all the support you have received here that was not supportive at all.
 
Given the story you have presented to this forum I would expect you to be somewhat sympathetic to someone who is being abused. Nowhere did she say that they asked her to lie. You should understand that abused people tend to underestimate the abuse and downplay it. The abuser tells them that it was nothing, it's part of the damage!!! Any professional who works with abused women (or men) knows this, and so they have to help them gain the strength to stand up for themselves.

Shame on you. After all the support you have received here that was not supportive at all.


Nope. Not in my experience. Women's Shelters/ "Victim" groups take every female's word at face value. They instruct the 'victim' to say exactly what is need to say to get their husbands arrested.


Case point: Husband says " I am going to get you". Woman complains to cops. Cops say " Sorry, not a death threat". Female talks to women's groups, she's coached on what exactly to say and viola " I am going to get you" becomes " I am going to kill you". Utter threats.

"Say has he ever hot you in the past few years"
"Yeah, he pushed me once when we scuffled"
" We'll that's assault"
"Yeah it is assault"
"Did get hurt"
"No really"
"Hmmm...you sure because it's assault causing bodily harm"
"oh....I fell and hurt my elbow"

Assault causing bodily harm.

Etc. Etc.

Talk to any lawyer or judge, male , female. They will tell you the system is out of f'ing control with domestics.

In fact I heard with my own ears a judge say how many cases the Crown has to drop against gang bangers, drug dealers, real assaults etc. due to teh clog of dmestics in the courts.

It's a fact. Women get coached to putthe man in jail. They even have websites instructing exactly what to do to accomplish this.

My heart goes out to ayone abused. real abuse. Not fabricated abuse though. Do women get abused? Absolutely. Are all domestics in the courts legitimate? No way!!!

If your wife starts calling the cops you MUST record everything. I bet her version of the 'assault' is a lot different than the tape shows.
I encourage every man who gets the cops called on them for a frivilous reason to abandon your home and commence divorce proceedings immediately. The first call won't be the last. It will take her 5-10 cals to sharpen her skills but she'll get you eventually.

A lot of peole tell the men not to abandon the home BUT it's easier explaining that to the judge than a bunch of totally fake chargesthat will take 6 months to get to the courts. In those 6 months, your wife/husband (because men play this sick game too) will have you hurting until those charges are dropped / beaten.
 
Wow, you just made an excellent case for women's shelters, so they may guide women through the tangle of aggressive, opinionated persons like yourself who feed off their vunerability. It sounds like you have a heck of a lot of experience being in the shoes of an abuser. Maybe this is not the thread for you to be involved in.
 
Wow, you just made an excellent case for women's shelters, so they may guide women through the tangle of aggressive, opinionated persons like yourself who feed off their vunerability. It sounds like you have a heck of a lot of experience being in the shoes of an abuser. Maybe this is not the thread for you to be involved in.


No I have a lot of experience of a woman who will split your head open with a steel bar and run away crying she was assaulted. Which I suspect is 50% of all abuse cases.

Women's shelters- Some are good. Some are just femanazi type places that will coach women to lie and embellish in order to get the police involved where they should not get involved.

But you act like a typical "phantom" abusee. If anyone dare question your 'abuse' or ask for proof of an abuse- you cry that the person is the abuser. I don't buy that nonsense. Domestic assaults should be treated like every other crime: You need a victim who will cooperate, proof of an assault etc. Not just a shady video statement and some coaching from organizations that hate men.
 
You sir are EXTREMLY direspectful. There is nothing in this woman's post that points towards her lying about the abuse. Again, SHAME ON YOU. Just because you have been abused does not give you the right to start spouting on her thread about fake abuse allegations. By your last 2 posts I have to question whether YOU have lied about the abuse. It seems that you know a little too much about the situation, especially since your ex legitimately abused you.

As someone who was abused, I take OFFENSE at your posting on this thread. Regardless of whether there are a lot of false claims of abuse, YOU are not able to tell which ones are true or false. Neither are judges, lawyers. They are the ones who have to live with their guilt when they fail to protect the women and children who end up seriously hurt or maybe even dead. Given the seriousness of the outcome it is RIGHT that they attempt to find out the REAL story, and that means listening to both sides.

If you are innocent (as you claim) then you have a good chance of proving it. Though you may suffer some from the experience, I would think that anyone would rather have that undeserved suffering on their hands than the death of a mother and her children who's claims of abuse were dismissed.

Try thinking about the situation from this person's situation rather than your own. It is NOT the same.
 
Sounds like they are "coaching" you not to receive justice but to screw your husband. Sorry. It's just the way it seems.

My advice; Don't lie or embellish. A good criminal lawyer will turn you upside down in court and then the family judge gets the transcript.

State the truth and you will win.Lie and in the end you will end up on the losing side. Women Shelter's always coach women to embellish or down right lie. I mean a woman cop? Come on.

Cl4,

I have to say I'm offended by your post. Did u even read my intiial post. My husband filed false assault charges against me after I've endured his bullying and harassing behaviour since I told him I wanted a divorce 5 months ago (and lots of abusive behavour during the marriage). I actually met with the police (yes, a synpathetic female officer) this morning and presented a declaration to them. The officer took the time to go over my story very carefully. She said there's definitely conjugal violence but that it's mainly psychological. There have been several occasions of physical violence but the crown prosecutor will not accept to pursue an assault charge after one has been filed by the other party (the false one filed by my husband). There's insufficent proof for a harassament or intimidation charge although she did say she would complete such a complaint if my lawyer believes that the crown prosecutor will accept such a charge. She suggested I ask him and she will definitely file the complaint if my lawyer thinks it will be accepted. In her expereince, she believes the crown will not accept it. The point of trying to file charges is that I want to get a restraining order as I'm afraid of him, especially after he went so far as to pull a stunt like this which I view as an escalation of the harassment I've been subjected to since last August.
So, all this to say, I'm the one who is screwed. My husband is using the system to continue his bullying campaign. And no, I did not receive any coaching from the women's shelter. I specifically asked them how I could get a restarining order and the only way is through the filing of criminal charges. Alternatively, my lawyer advised I could ask for one through a court order but this requires a trial-like process and I frankly can't afford to pay for this.
 
Ci4,

I just read some of your previous posts and it seems your spouse had you arrested on false charges too. Odd that u can't relate...
 
Billiechic,

Thanks for so firmly standing up for me. I suspect my and C14's circumstances are not that similar after all.
 
cl4, you're situation was a self-fulfilling prophecy from day one of your joining this board. You came here stating time and again that you knew you were going to be arrested. You then went on and on and on asking hypothetical questions ad nauseum, devoting all your energy to wondering this and that and, I suspect, little or no energy to taking action to prevent your inevitable arrest. Eventually you did get arrested. Instead of steering clear of your ex, you continued to engage with her I bet, and you got what you as much as asked for.

It's sad because the pendulum really has swung badly the other way on domestic violence. There are a lot of good men out there that are being falsely accused and charged. A lot of vindictve, bitter women play this card in order to ruin their ex, or worse, ruin a father's relationship with his kids.

Now you're barking up a tree where you have been (probably) rightfully called to task. You don't seem to possess much in the way of judgement cl4. You remind me of someone who suddenly disappeared from this board a few weeks back. Granted that person was wholly irrational, and I don't think you are at that level.

But you sure didn't pick a good battle here. Moreover, you knew all about the trap of potentially being falsely accused and arrested. Instead of taking measures to ensure that it wouldn't happen, and despite all of the good advice you got here, you stayed in the lion's den, and got what you predicted. You have yourself to blame for that dude.
 
This is my first post and I could use some advice. I decided to leave my abusive husband last August after 25 years of marriage. I have three teenage sons, ages 14, 16, 18. We had to share the house until it was sold effective the end of January. The schedule was designed to minimize the time we would cross paths. Unfortunately, in the few times we did see each other, my husband was aggressive, enraged, mean, insulting and totally disrespectful towards me. I ignored him most the time but the bullying and harassment and the threats (vague ones that intimated that I would have to “pay” for leaving him) continued. I went to the police on several occasions but was basically told that unless he was making threats of bodily harm, there was nothing that could be done. I had called the police just before I told him I wanted a divorce, after he pushed me in front of our 14 year old son. I did not lay charges at that time.<o></o><o></o>

The bullying and insults escalated as our move date approached. I kept reminding myself that I only had a few more weeks to go, and then I wouldn’t have to endure this abuse any longer. How wrong I was! He returned to the house one evening 3 weeks ago after I had spent the weekend moving some items out of the house with the help of my 2 older sons, items that I was entitled to take. When he saw that items had been moved out of the house, he became completely enraged. At one point he threw himself on the ground and then claimed I pushed him.The end result was that he had me arrested the following morning on false charges of assault and conjugal violence after he had subjected me to his rage, aggressiveness etc the following evening (including picking the lock of my bedroom door). I was arrested just after I got off the phone with my lawyer to see if I could obtain a restraining order. No one ever asked me what happened! My new defense attorney tells me it’s extremely rare for such charges to be laid against a woman. <o></o><o></o>

My boys were extremely upset and defended me to their father. They don’t believe him and they have told me they will testify against him if this ever goes to trial.

I’m still stunned, angry, and floored by how low he could go and how little respect he has shown the mother of his children. I followed my attorney’s advice and have cut all communication with him and I’ve also been told to never ever be alone with him. I’m still scared of what he could be capable of seeing as he managed to pull off a stunt like this. I've been keeping a journal of everything he has been saying and doing to me since August. Has anyone else had a similar experience? What are the chances of being convicted based on someone's false allegations? Can I still travel to the U.S.?

<o></o>
most couples have fights once in a while, maybe even quite often, and the husband and wife can be more physical than necessary. but you didn't explain why and how the separation really happened, and all we know is your side of the story. was it your own decision to leave the house because of one push? my wife pushes me all the time, but that can't result in such a drastic decision. if there was a difficulty in your relationship, did you two have a fair discussion to remedy that? I know it's sometimes almost impossible to talk to each other, but when one party single-handedly decides the destine of their partnership, the other party will naturally become bitter, especially when you have kids because both parents love them, and no one likes to have their kids taken away.

and I highly doubt that the police would believe ANY man of being abused badly enough that the charges can be laid against a woman. if a man claims of being abused, the police would automatically assume he physically abused her so she only defended herself by pushing him, hence the arrest of the husband. that's the way it goes probably 90% of the time. I just can't believe that he convinced the police that you abused him without übercompelling evidence. according you you, this crazy abusive husband who's being threatening you constantly suddenly convinced the cops to arrest you because he was lying down on the ground? if it was the other way around, sure, the cops will believe the woman every word. I'm sure it's hard to talk to someone like your husband, but why did you keep ignoring him? was he really only bothering you or in his awkward way trying to talk to you? my wife became so bitter whatever I say enrages her. so I maybe biased in this respect.

anyways, maybe he has a cop buddy or something.
 
most couples have fights once in a while, maybe even quite often, and the husband and wife can be more physical than necessary. but you didn't explain why and how the separation really happened, and all we know is your side of the story. was it your own decision to leave the house because of one push? my wife pushes me all the time, but that can't result in such a drastic decision. if there was a difficulty in your relationship, did you two have a fair discussion to remedy that? I know it's sometimes almost impossible to talk to each other, but when one party single-handedly decides the destine of their partnership, the other party will naturally become bitter, especially when you have kids because both parents love them, and no one likes to have their kids taken away.

and I highly doubt that the police would believe ANY man of being abused badly enough that the charges can be laid against a woman. if a man claims of being abused, the police would automatically assume he physically abused her so she only defended herself by pushing him, hence the arrest of the husband. that's the way it goes probably 90% of the time. I just can't believe that he convinced the police that you abused him without übercompelling evidence. according you you, this crazy abusive husband who's being threatening you constantly suddenly convinced the cops to arrest you because he was lying down on the ground? if it was the other way around, sure, the cops will believe the woman every word. I'm sure it's hard to talk to someone like your husband, but why did you keep ignoring him? was he really only bothering you or in his awkward way trying to talk to you? my wife became so bitter whatever I say enrages her. so I maybe biased in this respect.

anyways, maybe he has a cop buddy or something.
<link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cmike%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]-->

HelplessDad,

I didn't leave because of one push. We had a long-term marriage and the issues that resulted in my decision to leave were his anger-management issues, excessive drinking and his very controlling personality. He bullied our children, was excessively punitive, and was yelling constantly. The're 14, 16, and 18 now so that's a lot of yelling. He never took responsibility for himself and he was always right. When he wasn;t behaving like this, he was enjoyable to be around. Unfortunately, the good times were overshadowed by the frequency of the bad times. We went to marriage counselling on 2 separate occasions. I finally went alone when he refused to. I asked him to get help for his anger problem and he took an anger-management course but the improvement from it was short-lived. I also asked him to get help for his drinking problem and made it very clear the marriage was on the line but he still refused. I think he didn;t take me seriously. He reacted with intense rage and we have not had a civilized conversation since. He cannot speak to me without resorting to name-calling, insults, threats of how he's going to make me pay, etc. Total and complete disrespect. I have not retaliated and efforts to insist he speak to me with respect have been fruitless. So when he couldn;t speak to me with basic respect, I would ignore him.

Like you, I too couldn"t believe the police would arrest me without so much as asking a question. I asked a police officer how this could happen and I was told that when someone goes to them and claims another person assaulted them and they're scared of that person, they just assume the person is telling the truth and if they make the arrest, then they've done their job. Hard to believe, but apparently this is the way it is.

So this is what happened: he threw himself backwards, obtained a self-inflected bruise and made the false claim that I pushed him. The best reason I can come up with for this drama of his is that he never digested the fact that I called the police in August even if no charges were laid. He made numerous comments after that to indicate that he was going to get even with me.

Trust me, the story sounds far-fetched to me too but I'm actually living this nightmare and my kids unfortunately are as well too.
 
most couples have fights once in a while, maybe even quite often, and the husband and wife can be more physical than necessary. but you didn't explain why and how the separation really happened, and all we know is your side of the story. was it your own decision to leave the house because of one push? my wife pushes me all the time, but that can't result in such a drastic decision. if there was a difficulty in your relationship, did you two have a fair discussion to remedy that? I know it's sometimes almost impossible to talk to each other, but when one party single-handedly decides the destine of their partnership, the other party will naturally become bitter, especially when you have kids because both parents love them, and no one likes to have their kids taken away.

and I highly doubt that the police would believe ANY man of being abused badly enough that the charges can be laid against a woman. if a man claims of being abused, the police would automatically assume he physically abused her so she only defended herself by pushing him, hence the arrest of the husband. that's the way it goes probably 90% of the time. I just can't believe that he convinced the police that you abused him without übercompelling evidence. according you you, this crazy abusive husband who's being threatening you constantly suddenly convinced the cops to arrest you because he was lying down on the ground? if it was the other way around, sure, the cops will believe the woman every word. I'm sure it's hard to talk to someone like your husband, but why did you keep ignoring him? was he really only bothering you or in his awkward way trying to talk to you? my wife became so bitter whatever I say enrages her. so I maybe biased in this respect.

anyways, maybe he has a cop buddy or something.


Spoken like a true helpless person. You are so beaten down and scared of your wife that you became the abused wife.

Not me. I won't bow down to her demands because she wants to cry to the cops and LIE (that's the whole point, if she stated the truth- fine- I would agree with her). Let her. We have a court system here and maybe some people will start to abuse it like she does. Like...ummm..I don't know. Someone was also charged so I guess 'someone' is now even.

Remember boys, tape EVERYTHING. It's legal. When you present a tape of someone punching, kicking you to the JP he has to charge. Forget the police. They are useless. Go straight to a JP. Tape, tape, tape. Presume your ex will use the "abuse" card. Think of it this way: If she does she gets Exclusive Possession of the home, you fighting a two front war and you spending money. So do unto others........
 
in some ways i can understand to police side of it. Someone comes to them with bruises and says they were assaulted. If the police did not do anything and the person being truely assaulted was killed, the public would be after the police for not arresting the attacker in the first place.

They have to treat every "victim" as a true victim until it comes out in the investigation that it was a lie. I think they are in a "damned if they do, damned if they don't" type of situation with assault.
 
Maybe so, but someone coming to the police with bruises doesn't mean that the bruises were inflicted by their spouse. It's not OK at all to make that leap of faith!!!
 
Back
Top