I'm sorry, I don't see the benefits in keeping children away from one parent for a week. Their father is a control freak.
You have the children the same amount of time as he does. He can only control your time with the children if you LET him. Stop doing that, problem solved. You don't see the benefits, it's been explained to you here. Just keep pretending you don't understand, though.
He has no reason to be. I am collaborative and want a mutual relationship with him, but now that he's got a way to control things he goes to the extreme. I haven't yet seen my childs report card b/c he has it and won't share until the exchange. Next time I'll make sure I get to the school and see my child before he leaves and I don't get to share in the happiness of his results.
Or you could simply have them send two copies out, one for each parent. Both of my children's schools started doing that for us when we seperated without even being asked by either parent. The schools are VERY used to it and would likely not have a problem with it.
If I'm not mistaken, its been men who are responding to my post from a less emotional perspective.
You are mistaken.
I am a woman, I have maternal feelings and I need to see my children.
And again, access arrangements are not about what YOU need, it's about what the children need and what is in their best interest. If they are not doing well with the week on/week off schedule it's likely because either one or both parents is making them feel bad and/or guilty about it. If that's you, stop it. Regardless, how you feel is irrelevant. You can't expect any judge anywhere to make changes or rule on important topics based on how you feel. If they did, manic depressives would have the courts tied up for years.
I didn't ask for this divorce, yet I'm the one's who's lost.
Again, get counselling. Do something for yourself. Figure out how to be something other than a mom, like the person you were before you had children. It's easy to immerse yourself in your children but unhealthy for you to be living through them. You ARE more than 'just' a mom, go explore that.
He doesn't let me talk to them more than what I was able to get Ordered (i call a night) which lasts for 30 seconds
.
If that's what your arrangement says, than that's what he is obligated to provide, nothing more. If you're unhappy with that, speak to your lawyer and try to get it increased.
The kids are far away. Its not like I get to see them during the week.
Just like he doesn't when you have them?
The one hour visit I had that CAS finally helped me lenthen to 2 hours can no longer be done because of my time table at school and placment. I will be working f/t soon and will not get to see them mid week at all. So I've lost time with them.
You've given up a couple hours a week with them to be able to provide for them as you should be. It's the right thing to do and one of the best decisions you can make for your children. Stop whining and moaning that you are forced to live like everyone else that works to support their family.
My youngest is 4. Dad has the luxury of making his own hours, starting work at 9 and leaving at 3.
I'm sure he didn't when he first started working full time as you will be starting soon. Once you work your way up the ranks and have some experience under your belt you should be able to start looking for something with more flexibility. He had to work for it - why should it be handed to you?
Its so unfair, there has to be something that will help equal things out. Women are far too oppressed by the inequities in life.
If by 'inequities' you mean the fact that women are typically more emotional than men, it's not 'unfair', it's nature. Women were intended to be that way so we would be more sympathetic and nurturing to our families. Men were not made that way because their job was to hunt and kill and provide for their families. Nobody wants to see a cave man weeping over the poor wittle deer he just killed to feed his family.
Aside from that, I have no idea what inequities you are referring to. I am female, I am a single mum, I work full time. Before I worked in an office full time I took on as much work as I could at home so I could be a SAHM for my children. I feel blessed to have been able to do so, not all parents have the luxury of being able to stay home with the kids. Now I'm working my way up the 'corporate' ladder, so to speak, and I have NEVER felt opressed for being female. If I didn't get what I was looking for it was always because my skills weren't developed enough yet, not because I wear heels.
I cry, my kids see me cry, I am human and no counselling, support group or dates will change my feelings.
It's not a terrible thing for your kids to see you cry - once in a while if the situation is difficult ie: a death in the family or you've hurt yourself.
For the children to see you a crying mess all the time? Totally unhealthy for you and them. If that's happening then you should definately go see a doctor for the sake of your children. Sounds like you're depressed. Get help before you damage the children, they shouldn't have to see or go through that all the time. Counselling will only work if you have an open mind - which you clearly do not. If you truly wanted what was best for your kids, you would.
It took me 6 times being pregnant to get these children that I waited along time for. They will be happy with more access to each parent.
Your proposed plans doesn't give them more access, it give them different access. You want it because it makes YOU feel better. Stop confusing what YOU feel with what is BEST FOR THE CHILDREN.
He needs to have some control taken away. He deleivers them, he picks them up.
You'd like what...that he stay and have a nice romantic dinner with you? You're getting divorce, accept the fact that he is meeting his obligations and no longer wishes to have a relationship with you. Of course he pickes them up, drops them off. What did you expect?
The kids see him as the one who decides where they go, when they see mom. What does this teach 2 young boys.
Considering how you feel, maybe this is the best thing for them right now. At least they can see that they have one stable parent who is capable of making decisions based on their best interests.
I do have alot of feelings, lots of anger and lots of regrets, but the fact is that I need my children in my life, just as nuclear families do. No one in their right mind wants to get separated and not have their children. Why do I need to suck it up and be satified with this arrangement.
Sounds like you won't be satisfied until you have them all the time and he none of the time. You are trying to manipulate the children and your ex with your constant crying and 'poor me' attitude. And yet you feel he is the controlling one.
CAS is an agency that cares about the kids, and access schedules that are age appropriate. I don't agree that you have to have a lawyer to change something like access. If you can't afford a lawyer are you supposed to go without seeing your children because the other parent can afford a lawyer.
If you had already decided that CAS was the appropriate agency to use to change your access agreement then why did you ask? If this is what you're using them for then it's disgusting that there are social workers spending their time doing this because 'mommy feels bad' when they SHOULD be working on abuse and neglect cases for kids whose mommies make THEM feel bad.
Sorry, I'm just venting now, but what men have to realize, if women didn't have these emotions and need for their children, then there would be many orphans in the world. Look at all the dead beats who don't get involved in their children's lives.
There are over
143 million orphans in the world (as of 2006 ) so clearly your theory on 'if women didn't have these emotions there would be many orphans in the world'. And FYI, of all the seperated and divorced couples I know - the majority of FATHERS are the primary caregivers and the mothers are nowhere in sight, much less involved.
I can also tell you from having been very involved in school activities with both of my children as well as scouting and other volunteer organizations that there is a VERY high ratio of men/dads involved in their children's activities. There were far less moms dropping their kids at school then I expected to see.
You came here and posted looking for advice and support. You got your advice, you prefer to with what was suggested - because you're female and the replies were clearly from men who didn't understand what it's like to be a women.
I'm female. I am very familiar with how it feels to be a woman. I didn't enjoy getting seperated either. I got counselling before my emotions effected my children because it was the right things to do. Get off your ass and help yourself, otherwise you're just a self-pitying whining ex wife who will eventually be too unstable to care for her children at all.
. Sorry but couldn't resist.