4th time in court, when does it end?

F

forthekids

New member
I was served with papers to increase the quantum of child support (withen the guidelines) to a father that has primary residence and has not been employed for 7 years. I have a major change in circumstance where I have moved closer so that the kids (ages 14 & 17 now) can have the freedom to spend time with each parent as they wish (although they are discouraged and don't want to deal with their father's arguing) This has been over 10 years, My son is attending university in the fall, can I pay him directly?
 
You don't have to go to court if you can come to an agreement. How much are you paying in lawyers fees that could go towards support? If it is within the guidelines, what is the point of court?

When the child goes to univeristy I have seen arguments for paying them directly, but I think it is more common for the CS payments to continue to go to the CP.

Your children are certainly old enough to choose where to spend their time. If you end up having them 40% of the time you could make a motion to change the support to offset.
 
forthekids said:
I was served with papers to increase the quantum of child support (withen the guidelines) to a father that has primary residence and has not been employed for 7 years.
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To clarify the father of the children has served a "Form 15: Change
Information Form (motion to change child support)" on you and supporting affidavit evidence?

The father has "primary residence" of the children and has been unemployed for 7 years? Although this may mean something to you, the employment of the other parent is of little relevance. If the other parent has not been working for 7 years, why haven't they been is the only question the court will ask and why haven't you sought that this party's income be imputed if they are intentionally unemployed?

forthekids said:
I have a major change in circumstance where I have moved closer so that the kids (ages 14 & 17 now) can have the freedom to spend time with each parent as they wish (although they are discouraged and don't want to deal with their father's arguing). This has been over 10 years.
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You better to extend the opportunity to the children. A child whom is 17 years old will not have an access schedule imposed on them. Only in rare situations would a court intervene in a 14 year old's decisions. To deal with Negative Parental Influence (NPI) allegations they need solid evidence evidence (e.g. a parent eggs the other parent's car, insults them on Facebook, etc...) and not just a personal opinion as expressed above.

It has been 10 years since the children have been living with the father? 10 years since the separation?

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
The kids have had primary residence with the father for 6 of those years because he moved an hour away and unilatterily moved the children out of their schools and to his area. The children have the freedom to chose to visit me as per the court order but the repercussions that they face with their father is what they fear if they do. They actually sneak over to visit me and lie to their father that they are staying at a friends because he will be ok with that scenario rather than them spending time with me. I have always represented myself as I cannot afford a lawyer and given the outcome of things, I am glad that I did not have the resources because my guess is that all 4 proceedings have cost well over 70K for him and his parents.
 
I have tried mediation and he will not consent to it. We have been separated since 2002 and I was really hoping to be a lot further in co parenting than where we are right now. My son is going away to University and living in residence. He has applied and received OSAP due to the financial income of his father so since my ex in not incurring any expenses for him while he is away at university, why should I pay him and not my son?
 
Thank you Tayken,

I am going to request an imputed income to seek child support for when my kids were removed from him on a Child protection order and I not only had to pay my support to FRO but received nothing from him for 8 months. Like I said, given all this yucky history, I was hoping to negotiate these things instead of battling it in court.
 
I don't mean to sound rude but why would I pay spousal support? What would be the grounds to pay him spousal? Besides he is re-married.
 
If you were working and he was unemployed, he could ask for spousal. Thats a "material change in circumstances". He could ask, not necessarily get. But the re-marriage would typically make that moot(but not always).

I'm happy to see my ex is marrying someone who makes a good income.....
 
no he has been unemployed aside from short periods (6 weeks) of working since we separated. His unemployment has been more consistent than him being employed.
 
How do they calculate that spousal should be paid or not? It's never come up perhaps when we first separated, the children had equal time with each parent and extraordinary expenses were split 50/50. Just wondering if there is a certain criteria?
 
If there's a difference in incomes or one person was the main income provider for the family there's virtually automatic entitlement to spousal support. That means 48-55% of your net disposable income should be going to him. The duration starts at half the length of the marriage. So if you were married for 12 years, you would pay him 55% of your net income (after taxes) in combined SS and CS for 6 to 12 years following the breakdown of the marriage.

I'm saying that if you make around 60k gross, and have 45k after income taxes, you should pay 25k to him, and you should be living on the remaining 20k.

Doesn't that sound fair?

Welcome to the lives of (mostly male) divorcees. I've been living that life for three years so far.
 
forthekids said:
How do they calculate that spousal should be paid or not? It's never come up perhaps when we first separated, the children had equal time with each parent and extraordinary expenses were split 50/50. Just wondering if there is a certain criteria?
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Spousal support is a separate issue from child support or access - child support is assumed to be the right of the child.

Need for spousal support has to be demonstrated and proven. If the spouse with the higher income has supported the lifestyle of the spouse with the lesser income over a long period of time, or if the spouse with the lower income earned less to support the kids or to support the other spouses career, then the claim can be made. I am assuming that if he didn't apply for spousal support, he made good money before separation, or had a bad lawyer(or his ego wouldn't let him apply).
 
I am not sure why I had to be the odd woman out here. I have never been in arrears, I have always been employed, I have always contributed to extras for my children. I had to do some severe damage control when CAS removed them from their father for their protection. I paid my support in that duration, I see the upset in my kids when their father initiates another proceeding. I have never had any alcohol abuse or drug abuse. Always paid my bills. I just don't understand how I had virtually everything taken away from me and he still wants more. I just want to get along, even if it was only in front of the kids to save them from the conflict.
 
forthekids said:
I am not sure why I had to be the odd woman out here. I have never been in arrears, I have always been employed, I have always contributed to extras for my children. I had to do some severe damage control when CAS removed them from their father for their protection. I paid my support in that duration, I see the upset in my kids when their father initiates another proceeding. I have never had any alcohol abuse or drug abuse. Always paid my bills. I just don't understand how I had virtually everything taken away from me and he still wants more. I just want to get along, even if it was only in front of the kids to save them from the conflict.
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Welcome to the world of the payor. Most of us are men, but you wouldn't be the first women here. There are lots of us who meet our committments only to be asked for more.
 
mean people suck lol
People sometimes look at me and say "well how did he get the kids? he's an alcoholic, what did you do wrong?" It just goes to show you how much mothers were normally favored for custody or primary caregiver to their children without question and have left society believing that if you are a mother and the children don't live with you, you must have done something really bad.
 
Well, similarly if you're a man it's automatically assumed you aren't a fit parent and shouldn't have full/shard custody of your kids. Most people are astounded that some Dads want/get custody...
 
forthekids said:
mean people suck lol
People sometimes look at me and say "well how did he get the kids? he's an alcoholic, what did you do wrong?" It just goes to show you how much mothers were normally favored for custody or primary caregiver to their children without question and have left society believing that if you are a mother and the children don't live with you, you must have done something really bad.
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Often its the access to money to fund lawyers that helps.

These days the default is pretty much 50-50.
 
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