1st time posters read this 1st

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tugofwar

tugofwar

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I think it`s time for a disclaimer. It seems that new posters are feeling like they are being judged etc for trying to express what their situation is and are taking too much offense to some of the replies.
Trust me, everyone who started off on here got the same slap but honestly Im so glad for the slaps because it made me more determined to see all sides of the story and not just my own.
So, some of the older posters- how about you cut and paste alittle of your 1st post and some comments you received.
It`s those really wanting to seek help and support and can stick it out thru alittle bit of back lashing etc that will find this site extremely useful!
For those that can`t, All I have to say is GOOD LUCK with the ex, lawyers, courts, judges and everything else that is going to be thrown at you!!!! We are strangers here so if you can`t take alittle harshness here, good luck out there!
 
What a good Idea Tug. Maybe we can make it a Sticky?

I'll post a ling to my first post...and my first slap in the face. Good thing I could take the heat..the advice and help has een well worth it.
 
Wow, guess I got lucky, had to read into a few posts before I got some ass kicking! I remember that day.... I was so mad and angry for the reasons this person didn`t know my story and he had the balls.... but a few posts later, became quite the forum buddies..

"That's not fair" There's nothing unfair about it, If he has shared custody and is caring and supporting her 50% of the time, that takes a huge load off of you for transportation, utilities, babysitters on your nights out (don't tell me if you had her 100% that you would have no life), groceries, clothing, laundry, you name it.

You would pay the same rent, presumably, as you would if you had her over 60%. So would he.

You are worried about how it affects you financially, but keep talking about how little time he spends with her. You may not mean it that way, but you come across as claiming it is about the child, when it is actually about cash.

He may not have a strong relationship right now, he may be an emotionally distant person, but that will never change if he doesn't get the chance. It's not up to you to "allow" that to happen. You should present to the court what you have to offer her as a parent and then let someone objective decide if he deserves more time.

You don't have an objective opinion, none of us do. Just make a positive case for the relationship you have with your child and let him make his own case.
 
Hey, cannot believe that on the eve of my 50th bday, I have to go back to court, cause my ex's wife thinks he should not pay any more even though my daughter is only 16 .....ahhhhhh , go figure
 
There is a big difference between a reality check and rudeness.

An insult doesn't have to be delivered in a back-handed fashion to a newbie who's world is crashing in around them.

A caring wake-up call (slap?) will convey the message better that a flippant remark that does nothing to help the situation (and usually drives the insulted to further response defensitively - a person who already feels under attack).

Remarks that involve hindsight are particularity not helpful.

IMHO
 
What are you getting at there?

For the most part first-time posters are usually asked for clarification over their situation or are handed a gentle reality check if needed. It is often their personal reaction to advice given that determines the further posts. If they are defensive and respond rudely, then it is possible they may not like what they read after that, but if they can sit back and think about what someone else has written, I think most posters get to see things a little differently.

I'm not judging the new posters, we've all been there, and it often is a huge blow to find out what you thought is not what really is. But Piggy, your implication that new posters are going to be judged and treated like garbage is simply NOT TRUE. If it was, I would have to question why you are still posting.
 
I do think that this board serves a very good purpose of being a non-lawyer sounding board for thoughts, views, and advice.

All I'm saying is that some new posters are going to be in some very big denial about the situation they find themselves in and it will take more than a post or two to have them see reality.

I was not implying that all new posters are treated like garbage, only that some responses from some members, even with good advice, lack a certain amount of compassion and tact.
 
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