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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 08-10-2011, 01:59 PM
representingself representingself is offline
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Question Help me make a fair access schedule please?

My friends have very recently announced that they are ending their 15 year marriage. They have two children, both in school full time.

They have decided to forego Lawyers and have asked for my assistance in compiling their separation agreement.

The husband has been the sole income earner ($75,000/yr) for the past 7 years, while the wife was a stay at home mother. She has recently re-trained and is actively seeking employment... (anticipated earning potential approx. $30,000 to $35,000).

They have agreed to joint legal custody with the mother acting as the primary caregiver.

These are the rough ideas I have for access... can my fellow posters provide some assistance or further ideas please????

Access will be EOW From Friday at 5:00p.m. to Sunday at 8:00p.m. as well as Tuesday and Thurday evenings from 5:00p.m. to 8:00p.m. each week.

Access will extend to include an extra night in the event of a holiday weekend.

Christmas access will be as follows:

Year #1 -

Parent #1:
Shall have access to the children from the last scheduled day of the school semester at 6:00p.m. until Christmas Day at 12:00p.m.

Parent #2:

Shall have access to the children from Christmas Day at 12:00p.m. until December 31st at 12:00p.m.

Year #2 - Access schedule will remain the same; however, the children will enjoy access with the alternate parent.

This way the parent who get to enjoy the kids on Christmas Eve, also have them on New Years... so the parent who doesnt get Christmas Eve, gets to party on new years??

And so on and so forth....

Easter/Thanksgiving access shall be as follows:

From Thursday at 6:00p.m. to Monday at 6:00p.m. (alternating throughout).

I am thinking that the parent who gets to enjoy Easter with the children, will have to forfeit Thanksgiving, and so on....

Each parent will have the children on their cooresponding Mothers/Fathers days from 9:00a.m. to 9:00p.m.... regardless of regular access schedule.

Each parent will share time with the children on the childs birthday... wherein Parent #1 will have the child from 9:00a.m. to 3:00p.m. and Parent#2 will have the child from 3:00p.m. until 9:00p.m.... times will alternate on an annual basis.

What do you guys think so far?
  #2  
Old 08-10-2011, 02:13 PM
Mess Mess is offline
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Personally if I had to live the EOW hell, I would far far prefer p/u after school on Friday and d/o at school on Monday morning. This gives me a chance to be at school, meet the teacher regularly, meet friends, get updated on homework and sports and activities and etc. Meanwhile I'm not dependant on co-ordinating with the ex, and the ex can have a relaxed Friday evening not worrying about me coming to p/u the kids.

It means little or no personal contact with ex, and even if it is amicable now, it might not always be. So the structure of the schedule means least amount of conflict.

I would trade that extra overnight Sundays for one of the mid-week visits. It also simplifies the long weekend scenario, if it is a Monday long weekend, I keep the kids, if it is a Friday, it can be optional depending on plans.
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Old 08-10-2011, 02:19 PM
representingself representingself is offline
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P/U and D/O wont work with STB ex husbands work schedule. Commutes 1hour + each way and shift starts at 7am.

How can I help them establish EOW-ish with dad getting past the 40% threshold?
  #4  
Old 08-10-2011, 03:16 PM
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NBDad NBDad is offline
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You can't. 40% is 3 nights in 7. If his work schedule isn't compatible he has two choices...forgo shared parenting. (joint legal is NOT the same thing) and accept EOW-ish...OR change his schedule.
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Old 08-10-2011, 03:59 PM
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let them figure it out...........you cant do that for a family........it is the choice of the children..........children are still his and who is the wife to say that he cant see them on any given weekend..........scheduling holidays??????? PLEASE.........one year one parent gets xmas morning and other gets dinner with the kids and then the reverse following year...........why make things complicated........ dont want to sound harsh but representing YOU are making mountain out of mole hill.........visitation shouldnt be an exercise in paperwork or be written in stone.........life happens and things constantly change including visitation.......going by your above schedule you forgot to pencil in family deaths, marriages and general unscheduled family happenings........like I said ever changing scenario........let visitation fall where it may........you getting involved in it can only distress things for you as well.........you may be the one who loses with the couple and the children.......children will see you as the bad person that broke them up.........step back
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Old 08-10-2011, 05:30 PM
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punctuation is a good thing.
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Old 08-10-2011, 07:01 PM
representingself representingself is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littleman View Post
let them figure it out...........you cant do that for a family........it is the choice of the children..........children are still his and who is the wife to say that he cant see them on any given weekend..........scheduling holidays??????? PLEASE.........one year one parent gets xmas morning and other gets dinner with the kids and then the reverse following year...........why make things complicated........ dont want to sound harsh but representing YOU are making mountain out of mole hill.........visitation shouldnt be an exercise in paperwork or be written in stone.........life happens and things constantly change including visitation.......going by your above schedule you forgot to pencil in family deaths, marriages and general unscheduled family happenings........like I said ever changing scenario........let visitation fall where it may........you getting involved in it can only distress things for you as well.........you may be the one who loses with the couple and the children.......children will see you as the bad person that broke them up.........step back
Your "advice" is useless.

I didn't ask for your personal opinions on my involvement in the situation..

Regardless... they are separating on a mutual basis, and don't want to spend thousands on legal fees...

Regarding my "suggested" access schedule... so far it is pretty standard stuff. And in my experience, the access schedule MUST be as specific as possible to avoid future disagreements, and access denials.

"Let visitation fall where it may".... Seriously???
You don't just go on blind trust that the other person is going to let you see the kids.

Anywhoooo, I am looking for intelligent responses from posters who possibly work shift work, and have exercised shared parenting.... please?

Last edited by representingself; 08-10-2011 at 07:05 PM. Reason: Because I felt like it :p
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Old 08-10-2011, 08:44 PM
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The parent working shift work has to determine what flexability is present with his or her work schedule. He or she needs to have a zen moment and what will work and what they are willing to practically change.

How old are the kids?

I agree with you a detailed seperation agreement is needed for these parents to be successful post divorce.

Can the parent with work schedule challenges move to a new industry that allows him or her to engage in equal parenting eg. one week on one week off?

Good luck
  #9  
Old 08-10-2011, 09:12 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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the guy i am seeing works shifts so the way they work it is EOW on the weeks he works days he gets her on wednesdays for an overnight and on the weeks he works afternoons he picks her up after school and keeps her until 5pm twice a week. On long weekends when it isnt his access he gets one day out of the weekend. Just like when its his weekend he gets two days with her and the mother gets one. He picks her up after school on fridays and drops her off for school on mondays. He gets all fathers day with her.

It is always best to think about activities and how they will handle that, unforseen circumstances like funerals, weddings, family functions and stuff like that. How about summers and school breaks, the childs birthday, parents birthday and the million other things that pop up.
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Old 08-10-2011, 11:16 PM
susiecanoe susiecanoe is offline
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Default Access Scheduling

Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
My friends have very recently announced that they are ending their 15 year marriage. They have two children, both in school full time.

They have decided to forego Lawyers and have asked for my assistance in compiling their separation agreement.

The husband has been the sole income earner ($75,000/yr) for the past 7 years, while the wife was a stay at home mother. She has recently re-trained and is actively seeking employment... (anticipated earning potential approx. $30,000 to $35,000).

They have agreed to joint legal custody with the mother acting as the primary caregiver.

These are the rough ideas I have for access... can my fellow posters provide some assistance or further ideas please????

Access will be EOW From Friday at 5:00p.m. to Sunday at 8:00p.m. as well as Tuesday and Thurday evenings from 5:00p.m. to 8:00p.m. each week.

Access will extend to include an extra night in the event of a holiday weekend.

Christmas access will be as follows:

Year #1 -

Parent #1:
Shall have access to the children from the last scheduled day of the school semester at 6:00p.m. until Christmas Day at 12:00p.m.

Parent #2:

Shall have access to the children from Christmas Day at 12:00p.m. until December 31st at 12:00p.m.

Year #2 - Access schedule will remain the same; however, the children will enjoy access with the alternate parent.

This way the parent who get to enjoy the kids on Christmas Eve, also have them on New Years... so the parent who doesnt get Christmas Eve, gets to party on new years??

And so on and so forth....

Easter/Thanksgiving access shall be as follows:

From Thursday at 6:00p.m. to Monday at 6:00p.m. (alternating throughout).

I am thinking that the parent who gets to enjoy Easter with the children, will have to forfeit Thanksgiving, and so on....

Each parent will have the children on their cooresponding Mothers/Fathers days from 9:00a.m. to 9:00p.m.... regardless of regular access schedule.

Each parent will share time with the children on the childs birthday... wherein Parent #1 will have the child from 9:00a.m. to 3:00p.m. and Parent#2 will have the child from 3:00p.m. until 9:00p.m.... times will alternate on an annual basis.

What do you guys think so far?
Your ideas have merit. If the idea is to ensure that Dad gets the kids 40% of the time to ensure a more fair distribution of child support obligations, why not have Dad have extended access time in the summers. Yes, I know he works shift work but he can arrange daycare just like the Mom will have to do when she finds work also. It is best to have a set schedule and to include clauses for unforeseen circumstances, but mostly those can be worked out mutually. As for the Christmas schedule, I personally hated splitting Christmas day up like that. It was way too disruptive. So, in odd numbered years, I have the kids from end of school break to early morning Boxing Day, Dad had them Boxing Day ( He celebrates Christams on Boxing Day to after New Years eve, then the opposite occurred the followed year. Yes, one of us doesn't get to spend Christmas Day with the kids every other year, but personally, I just got quite used to organizing and celebrating Christmas every other year on Boxing Day, no big deal. As for child support, both parents can agree on amounts no matter whether Dad has the kids more than 40% of the time or not. May I suggest they try using a mutually agreeable mediator who can assist with this.
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