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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 04-07-2006, 05:06 PM
Chopper Chopper is offline
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 65
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Default Looking for advise (in preparation for first responce)

My wife left me on December first.
More recently she has made an application to the court.
The list of demands and requests are unbelievable and my lawyer and I have 30 days to reply.
In a Nut shell its all about money, money, money for her....that's about it.
Support for her, support for the kids, wants me to pay for daycare...bla...bla...bla the list goes on!
Keep in mind she has a pretty decent job and definitely doesn't make pocket change.
For the record, I could care less about any of the material items in my eyes she can have it all.
She has under valued our only vehicle which she took by about $10,000.
She has ridiculously over valued the home which she left.
She has walked away from all the debt and the mortgage leaving me to pay for it all.
I now have to rent a car for work which is costing me a bundle.....$835 a month.
The car is a big necessity as I'm all over the city for work and now over credited because I'm on my own and can't get and loan to buy anything .
All the items in this application to the court are to many to even list but everything appears to be pure greed on her part.
She even requested an unequal division of all our assets in to be awarded in her favour.
Oh! .....and another thing! she's the one that packed up and moved on, in more ways then one I might add and has requested the court to make me pay for all the costs!........this is ridiculous!
Like I said the list goes on and on and on.

The thing that hurts most wife has requested sole custody of my two boys.
My lawyer assured me that she would never get this.
In brief he said I've been paying all the bills, mortgage, ect as well as voluntarily paying child support by the tabled guidelines.
I have never missed a minute I was supposed to have the boys for the exception on one week night in January because of a business trip I couldn't prevent and one week night in the end of February because I had to go down east for my Grandmother's funeral.
My lawyer told me just to keep doing what I'm doing, keep paying the bills and the child support and try my best to sustain everything.
He reassured me that I am doing a great job and if we were to walk in front of a judge I will be wearing the white hat! (I'm not sure of that analogy)
He also told me as far as the boys go, the status quo has been set and not a judge in the world would want to take the time I have now with the boys away from me.
The boys are adjusting very well from discussions I've had with the teachers.
The teacher in charge of the Rainbow Program has told me the boys are doing very well also.
This made me very happy to hear.

I have an appointment with the lawyer on Wednesday and I've have pretty much finished my financial statement for the response.

My lawyer has also requested me to write him a letter about myself and the boys I guess to assist him with his response letter.
I do believe he is a very good lawyer, he has come highly recommended by every one I've talked to and I personally know five separate individuals that have used him and they have nothing but good things to say.

I was wondering if maybe if some of my friends out there could maybe give me some advise or help me prepare by offering an idea?
I would love to hear a story about a personal success or any recommendations/warnings to avoid any problems.
I would really like to hear any good advise you may feel would help before I meet with my lawyer on Wednesday.

Thank you to every one in advance.

Kind regards,
Old 04-07-2006, 05:49 PM
sasha1 sasha1 is offline
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Posts: 205
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First, I'm sorry for all you've been going through. The breakup of a marriage is always a really hard thing to go through, especially when children are involved, and it's exponentially worse when one spouse strays.

Sounds to me like your lawyer is right on the money, Chopper; keep doing what you're doing. I'm so pleased to hear that you've been communicating with the childrens' teachers, too, BTW; you're obviously a dedicated father caring about the interests of your children.

About her under-valuing the vehicle and over-valuing the home, that's relatively easy to refute, but you may not need to. It might just be a matter of counter-offering for settlement, taking into account her erroneous sense of values.

I think you should push for joint custody with liberal access to the children, and specify your involvement with the children, ie. to have knowledge and opportunity to contribute your thoughts regarding significant decisions, etc. Sounds to me like you're a good father who plays a significant role in the childrens' lives, and that should not be interfered with.

My best advise is just to keep doing what you have been.. doing right by your kids regardless of what your ex is doing/has done. Keep taking the high road, and don't give in to the very human temptation to sling that mud. Years from now, when your kids are adults, they'll recognize and respect you for it more than you can know.
Old 04-08-2006, 08:12 PM
Grace Grace is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
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Chopper, be as accurate as possible in your response & Financial Statement. Get the house appraised and you can use the black book value for the vehicle. Most likely her lawyers are asking for both the stars & the moon so there is room to negotiate towards the middle.

I'm happy to hear that your boys are adjusting well under the circumstances. I hear that the Rainbow program is excellent.
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