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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 04-07-2006, 02:33 PM
sasha1 sasha1 is offline
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Arrow Results of grandparents' contact application....



For those who don't know, my ex's parents recently petitioned the court to grant them a contact order. They were claiming they'd been unreasonably denied access to the children, and were asking for an order granting them weekend visits every month, and further asked that a 'care journal' be utilized to avoid direct contact with me. In reality, I had been regularily encouraging them to see the kids, but they refused to do so unless they could take them to their home for overnight or longer, which I was opposed to for various reasons. Despite numerous attempts on my part to resolve the issues with these people, they consistently refused to discuss anything with me or work with me at all. Here's a link to my original post about the situation:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=594

Anyway, we went to court last friday.

I'm happy to report that the judge ruled in the childrens' best interests!

Not only did the judge NOT order me to send my 2 year olds to the grandparents' house for a weekend every month, he seemed disgusted with their attitude and that they would refuse to see the kids under any circumstances other than what they proposed. The judge asked me if I would be willing to attend mediation with them at this point, and I said I would, and again stressed that I have attempted several times to initiate discussions with them, but they've continually refused. He then turned to the grandparents and said, "Well, then let ME ask them here and now. Will you go to mediation and try to work with the mother or not?". They begrudgingly agreed. In the meantime, the judge asked me if I was willing to allow them short visits with the kids every two weeks, so the children can become familiar with them again (the grandparents have not seen the kids in 5 monthes). Again, I agreed, and the judge suggested three hour visits, two afternoons per month. At that point, the grandmother jumped in to say that "it would be better" if I delivered the kids to their house for the visits, and the judge quickly made it clear that it was their responsibility to come to the childrens' home, and that these visits are being granted as an opportunity to re-integrate themselves into the childrens' lives, and not the other way around.

Aside from the judge dismissing their application altogether on the grounds that they're crazy, I couldn't have asked for a better result. The kids aren't forced to go to a stranger's home for three days, but instead have an opportunity to get to know them under safe conditions that shouldn't cause them too much stress. The grandparents have another opportunity to do the right thing by the kids without 'losing face' too badly, but hopefully now realize that they do have to factor me in, whether they want to or not.

And, I'm proud to say that I represented myself and did a good job of it! I can't tell you how good it felt to have the judge treat me with respect and dignity as the childrens' Mother; something the grandparents have never done. For every issue, the judge addressed me first, asking how I felt about this issue or what would I like to do about that issue, and then put it to the grandparents. I think they were quite indignant about that, because they really do think they have "entitlement" to the kids.

As for the father, he was there in support of his parents, but never spoke a word to me. I think the judge had him summed up pretty quickly, between the way he looked and acted, his alcoholism and pending criminal charges, and then finding out he hadn't even attempted to contact the kids in four monthes.
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Old 04-07-2006, 02:53 PM
gooddadgoingmad gooddadgoingmad is offline
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HI Sasha

I'm glad to hear that the system worked for you! It gives me hope.

GDGM
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Old 04-07-2006, 03:55 PM
applepie applepie is offline
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That's good news Sasha. I'm glad things worked out. It does sound like the grandparents were being unreasonable and still didn't understand their own unreasonableness even after the judge pointed it out (lol). Perhaps in time they will. Congratulations.
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Old 04-07-2006, 04:35 PM
sasha1 sasha1 is offline
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Thank you both! The relief is just indescribable! I've still got a long road ahead with the father, but it would be so much more difficult if the judge had simply approved the grandparents' request without hearing the evidence. Hopefully the mediation will prove to be the missing component, and will pave the way to leaving the animosity in the past.

GDGM, I'm glad it gives you hope; me too.
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Old 04-08-2006, 07:59 PM
Grace Grace is offline
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WAY TO GO SASHA1

Thats great news. You should be proud of yourself for doing this on your own. Let's hope your problems with the ex also have the same results.
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Old 04-11-2006, 12:11 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Thats good news for the children.

LV
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