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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 05-22-2018, 03:57 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Default Adult “kids” and their games

I find myself struggling to provide support and helpful advice to my partner about his kids. His oldest is pretty cruel and pulls stunts all the time where he gets “reprimanded” for whatever his ex feels he has done wrong.

He has now been sent a request to order photos but last month was told he didn’t pay enough for the privilege to attend school graduations. Translation, I don’t want you to enjoy a special day that means a lot to you but feel free to be reminded of it with my photo on your wall. I really do not get their logic and the continued stunts like this are hurtful.

Anyone else deal with kids like this? How would you handle it? All this is going to result in is two weeks of heartbreak for him. He gets stronger, moves past their bs then they play this game again. He could just order the photos and be done with it but part of me wants him to say “Im confused by this, I didn’t contribute to your standard but its ok for me to buy photos of you? Do you not see an issue with this?”
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Old 05-22-2018, 04:43 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I find myself struggling to provide support and helpful advice to my partner about his kids. His oldest is pretty cruel and pulls stunts all the time where he gets “reprimanded” for whatever his ex feels he has done wrong.

He has now been sent a request to order photos but last month was told he didn’t pay enough for the privilege to attend school graduations. Translation, I don’t want you to enjoy a special day that means a lot to you but feel free to be reminded of it with my photo on your wall. I really do not get their logic and the continued stunts like this are hurtful.

Anyone else deal with kids like this? How would you handle it? All this is going to result in is two weeks of heartbreak for him. He gets stronger, moves past their bs then they play this game again. He could just order the photos and be done with it but part of me wants him to say “Im confused by this, I didn’t contribute to your standard but its ok for me to buy photos of you? Do you not see an issue with this?”
I wouldnt bother questioning them on it. You know these kids, would they actually answer him saying something positive? Nope.Why compound the hurt even more? They are starting their BS again because they dont want him to feel better, they want to hurt him.They figure he is getting over stuff due to his reactions (or lack of) lately so its time for them to wind him up.
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Old 05-22-2018, 09:22 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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He has to do a version of gray rock, that keeps his pain hidden but shows his unconditional love for his child.


"Thanks for the photo ordering link, honey, I'm so proud of you! I wish I could be there to see you graduate. Let me know if any ticket becomes available, even if it's last minute, and I'll be there. I'd love to see you afterwards and take you to dinner."


The kid's cruelty is a test, like teenagers pushing the limits to see how their parents will react. He has to let it roll off him, and respond with love and hope for a relationship with her. Any other reaction just validates the BS her mother feeds her about him. Poor kid. She knows that inviting him will put her in hot water with her mom, but she hopes he's proud of her and wants a portrait.
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Old 05-23-2018, 07:08 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Oh this kid is angry she had to work and contribute to school. For years she has been saying she dislikes how the financial side worked out and told him she cant understand how he could be so cruel to make her pay a portion.
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Old 05-25-2018, 06:29 AM
Istanbul Istanbul is offline
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Oh this kid is angry she had to work and contribute to school. For years she has been saying she dislikes how the financial side worked out and told him she cant understand how he could be so cruel to make her pay a portion.
My parents did the same with me. It was one of the best thing they ever did. It thought me the value of work hard and not to waste my time while in school, to do my best because attending school was very valuable.

When things are free in life, it's human nature ... behavior is not exactly the same as when you have to work for it.
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