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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 12-28-2017, 10:53 PM
+parenting +parenting is offline
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Post At a loss...

In April of 2017 my ex-husband and I had a settlement conference to change our final order of 2012. To make a long story short I will provide additional information if someone requests it to give their suggestion.

This has been a messy divorce with parental alienation by the passive aggressive parent. My 23 year old bipolar son lives with him so that he does not have to pay more child support, a plan my ex put in place. My 16 year old lives with me and is doing very well.

In April we spend all day in court 9-5:30 with a judge in order to reach a settlement. We finally came to an agreement and the order was sent to us 4 months later. The problem is that FRO will not enforce because line 150 of our returns are not written out in a $ amount and told me we have to change the order.

I tried to reach out to my ex-spouse and come to an understanding so we can deal with this ourselves but he does not respond. He has blocked my email, my number and does not respond to mailed correspondence. I sent him 2 claims to reimburse me for his portion of my son's wisdom teeth extraction which took place in June of 2017 and I have yet to receive anything.

I want to pay for my bipolar son's education, support and to move on but he refuses to respond to me. I guess he wants me to go through the courts.

We both self represented and I gave up anything I had asked him to reimburse me for such as prescription glasses, sports, trips, laptop etc. which was a normal expense in our home prior to our divorce.

I suffer from severe Crohn's disease, depression and anxiety among other ailments. Stress makes these health issues worse and this is why I pretty much gave up everything to resolve this whole mess. I just asked for guideline support and my son's education (ex-spouse's) portion. I find this whole process overwhelming and he knows this. He is taking advantage of me. He has not made any attempts to seek payment for my eldest son's university or child support as per our new order. He has not gone to court and is leaving it all to me. I hate this and wish I could have a judge do something where he does not put me in this position each time I need to get orthotics for our son or for him to pay the set-off of $260/month.

Is there anything I can do? Can he be held in contempt? I have the letters I have sent him where I try to compromise and resolve the payment of university and child support. Do I have to file a motion to change and ask the judge for a dollar amount to be written out?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I was hoping that day in April was the end of this mess but he just wants to "stick it to me" and I don't have the energy to fight anymore.

I want to add that my alienated son has not spoken to me in 2 1/2 years and feels entitled to this money. I owe him. I have spent the last 2 1/2 years grieving him, sending him e-transfers cause I feel sorry for him that he has no spending money and can't work and go to school and he has not even thanked me or talked to me.

At what point can I tell a judge well he obviously does not need the money for my son's education or child support from me if he's not willing to communicate with me so I can pay him and he pay me?

Last edited by +parenting; 12-28-2017 at 10:58 PM. Reason: added pertinent information re:alienated son.
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Old 12-29-2017, 10:56 AM
Gilligan Gilligan is offline
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I'm pretty sure others can articulate this better than I.

Child Support is viewed as your obligation to support your child and the right of the child. The other parent cannot waive that right.

I think your best avenue is to seek a change to the order via a motion to change. If it's just minor, then there is little reason for your ex to oppose it, however he will be required to respond or it would proceed without his attending.

Contempt sounds like it would be very difficult and not worth the effort if you just need to clarify things for FRO.

This should hopefully be a low stress event (I know it seldom is), but it's almost entirely administrative in order to have an enforceable order.

Good luck
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Old 12-29-2017, 04:58 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Am I understanding correctly that you owe your ex CS and want to pay through FRO but he won’t change the order so FRO will enforce?


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Old 12-29-2017, 09:29 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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You are registered with FRO. Pay them what you estimate you owe regardless if your ex is paying you or not. Payments made by you via e transfers to your son will not be accepted as payments for child support (you were supposed to pay your ex). If you are in arrears then you can make an arrangement for repayment of the arrears through FRO (along with your regular support payments).

Get a procedural motion going. Once you have the appropriate Order in place FRO will collect from your ex. There is no need to contact your ex.
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Old 12-30-2017, 11:00 AM
+parenting +parenting is offline
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Thank you for your response. I think I'm more frustrated with the part that he has yet to reimburse me for the wisdom teeth extraction which I paid for. I don't know how to force him to do that. I let him off from paying any section 7 expenses that he would need to pay out of his own pocket just to finalize the "new order" but not from paying for things that are covered under his insurance plan or mine. I guess this needs to also be added in the "motion to change". One would think not since you are not paying for it out of your own pocket but in this case I guess I need everything spelled out.
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Old 12-30-2017, 11:06 AM
+parenting +parenting is offline
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Thank you for your response. Child support was to be paid to my ex. It is not stipulated who I am to pay for university to. I prefer to pay the university directly. I asked him on several occasions to provide me with the amount and he did provide that but he does not agree with my line 150 total income. 18K was a payback to SunLife for a wage loss replacement program. When I applied for CPP disability SunLife continued to pay me. When CPP said yes here is your back pay from the day you applied...I send Sunlife a cheque. I gave him a copy of the cheque, the letter from Sunlife saying they have received the payment and a copy of my notice of assessment. My ex expects me to pay child support on this additional 18K which I paid back Sunlife.
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Old 12-30-2017, 11:07 AM
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Thank you for your response. Child support was to be paid to my ex. It is not stipulated who I am to pay for university to. I prefer to pay the university directly. I asked him on several occasions to provide me with the amount and he did provide that but he does not agree with my line 150 total income. 18K was a payback to SunLife for a wage loss replacement program. When I applied for CPP disability SunLife continued to pay me. When CPP said yes here is your back pay from the day you applied...I send Sunlife a cheque. I gave him a copy of the cheque, the letter from Sunlife saying they have received the payment and a copy of my notice of assessment. My ex expects me to pay child support on this additional 18K which I paid back Sunlife.
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Old 12-30-2017, 11:32 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by +parenting View Post
Thank you for your response. Child support was to be paid to my ex. It is not stipulated who I am to pay for university to. I prefer to pay the university directly. I asked him on several occasions to provide me with the amount and he did provide that but he does not agree with my line 150 total income. 18K was a payback to SunLife for a wage loss replacement program. When I applied for CPP disability SunLife continued to pay me. When CPP said yes here is your back pay from the day you applied...I send Sunlife a cheque. I gave him a copy of the cheque, the letter from Sunlife saying they have received the payment and a copy of my notice of assessment. My ex expects me to pay child support on this additional 18K which I paid back Sunlife.
so basically the 18k was a claw back for the money that sunlife paid you after CPP paid you retroactively. To me that makes the money a wash.
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Old 12-31-2017, 09:54 AM
+parenting +parenting is offline
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To me as well but not to him. So I have to go to court.
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