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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 05-05-2014, 08:51 PM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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Default Case Conference: Taking the high road

I wanted to initiate this thread to help educate me on my upcoming CC and hopefully acquire some good tips/advice.

Case: Mother unilaterally removed child from home 3 months ago. Motives: 1. Child almost in school. Mother didn't want to work despite agreements on dual income. 2. Mother wants to relocate to another province with child 3. Began to grow apart.
Planned move for a while, found some of my texts on phone altered and all texts deleted as of January, etc. False allegations of abuse, alcoholism and marijuana use. (Im a behaviorist working in special needs community with a clean police record and clean drug test on hand). Never police intervention for the entire 8 year relationship nor any concerns of any kind. Long story short, I believe there to be manufactured evidence due to the weird texts I found on my phone saying things in a way that I don't speak. Now Im worried what was deleted.

After 3-4 weeks of trying to communicate with ex in a civil/mature manner to try and keep this out of court I realized it wasn't going to happen. I am self-repping. After negotiation attempts with her lawyer I soon realized that I wasn't going to get any interim access either (she didn't deny access but offered one form of access, supervised by my elderly grandparents who live in another city and can not drive distances and are terrified of her now. ). I've offered many alternatives as well as police station exchanges.

I then filed an EM and no emergency was found and I had to pay costs. I couldn't prove that our daughter was being emotionally abused by being hidden from her father, whom she'd seen every day of her life, for the past 3 months. Fair enough. The judge turned our first appearance in to a CC on May 22nd and endorsed that both parties have an offer to go up to 2 days before the CC.

I am now constructing my CC. After studying this site, Tayken's truisms (there was no primary caregiver, there "is" a forces status quo and many of her allegations are subjective symptoms of a failed relationship), etc. I am subtracting my emotions and mud slinging and focusing on the child and how we can make this work in to some kind of reasonable settlement sooner than later for our daughter's sake.

In my CC brief I am touching on the fact that I am basically alone with special needs children all day every day (specialize in autism). Aside from my profession and education I am also mention that with my flexible work hours I always shared all parental responsibilities. When I arrived home from work the ex always needed a break and went out shopping. Kidling and I enjoyed our time alone until bath time. I was there just about every night reading books before bed, singing with her, etc. I have video of it. I will say in the brief that I am going for sole but will settle for joint custody and 50/50 shared parenting. Parallel parenting if she opposes. I have a great support system (mother, grandparents, g/f, friends) around me who can help. I am still in the matrimonial home with everything still in tact awaiting her return. I also want to stress that I will always recognize and support the important role the mother plays in kidlings life.

Her lawyer told me he will indeed be slinging mud around as there are many "texts". I have no idea what he's talking about. We had minor arguments once in a blue moon but not even one swear word or name called. We weren't like that. I don't want to spend my time defending but if she was able to send herself a bunch of messages from my phone (which she always had access to as there is a landline at work and I often left my cell home charging) then Im now thinking the worst.


The judge told us to each make an offer. I'd love a 2-2-3 plan, joint custody and shared access, alternating holidays, b-days, etc and call it a day. (adding all the particulars in the plan of course). Problem is I bet the ex's offer will resemble her 2 hour supervised access visit at a Tim Hortons once/week that she's been controlling for 3 months. If I accept that then Im setting a precedence and if I deny that I look like I don't want to see kidling. I do not need supervision on the basis of false allegations of alcoholism/marijuana.

What would my best course of action be since our offers will likely resemble those I just outlined?
In terms of CS, I'd like to do off-set since 50/50's the expectation (banking the other half in case). I heard if you pay before there's an order and FRO comes in that they'll collect again (I'll pay twice?) I've heard so many stories that I'd rather wait for an order, although her lawyer is grilling me via e-mail for money.
What are the chances that this will go to trial vs settling early either on the 22nd or a SC?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-05-2014 at 09:00 PM.
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