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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 08-23-2012, 08:05 PM
Delphic Delphic is offline
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Default 8 years and ex still dragging things out. Is this reasonable?

Hi Group, I'm new but I've been reading this forum for over a year. I finally signed up and I hope to pick your brains for some answers.

I've been separated for 8 years, divorced for 5. I am remarried. I left my ex wife the house, all household contents, vehicle and gave her half my pension, with very little arguement from me. I just wanted to be done and have a clean break from her. She did seek spousal support right from day one, but it was never really persued by her legal aid lawyer because when we originally separated I was making less than 30 k annually. She was left with everything plus child support for one child. She was 42 when we separated, yet had not really worked her entire life...always had some excuse not to and we struggled so much due to this. But I'm to blame as well, as I continued to stay with her despite her unilater excuse to stay at home to take care of one child. I often worked two jobs to make ends meet. Essentially I stayed for our son. Also, I will admit, I felt very little joy in life and have spent most of our marriage feeling low-grade depression and very little ability to see that I didn't have to live that way.

Fast forward 17 years and I broke. Literally my soul was broken from such an existance and I could no longer stand to come home each and every day to someone who had so little motivation to do better for herself and for ouir family. I couldn't even get this woman to go for a coffee with me as she was too busy watching home improvement shows and complaining about money troubles. Again, she did this all the while I was working two jobs and doing night courses...plus taking care of our child. If she washed the dishes, I dried them. I went to every doctor app. for my child, bathed him, did all of the things any father would do as his equal share of child rearing. I held up my end of things in the marriage, plus 100 percecnt of the duty all parents have which is to provide for their child financially. Double standard to say the least.

I finally left and as I said before, I walked out with a bag of clothes and never looked back; passed everything over to her. I have always paid child support on top of this, plus all extracurricular and medical. I've never had an issue with this.

I have been fortunate that I finally got my degree 6 years ago and was able to move up very quickly with my company, and making a decent salary. I also took on a second job, working about 80 hours per week, trying to rebuild having lost everything I had worked for, such as the house and car. This past year I was hauled back into court by her, seeking spousal support. I guess she saw how high her child support had gone up over the years, literally from 230 per month to what it is now, 980 per month. She has a legal aid lawyer as she still does not work, or at least she doesn't claim to work ( she babysits under the table and I have proof)

I hired a good attorney and we went to a case conference and eventuallly a settlement conference. The judge wasn't happy about her not working and make some snide comments about it, but did say that perhaps we should look at support based on how long it would take for her to get a 3 year diploma. As my lawyer said to me, she will never do that, but it gives us a time frame to look at. When my lawyer did the calculations up, taking into consideration all the assets the ex was left with, and proposing that it's not fair for my ex to benefit from my working two jobs, so essentially only using my day job income, 65k annually, we made an offer to settle. Her lawyer came back saying that they rejecte the offer and would be in touch with a counter offer. This was in May of this year. I have heard nothing since and there has been no counter offer.

My life is in limbo and I'm paying through the nose to a lawyer after all these years. How long can my ex drag this out? My lawyer is very kind and a family friend who wouldn't lead me astray. She assures me that by the time we fought this out and went to trial, I'd probably end up spending more than just paying out ss for the next three years.

How long it is reasonable to the other party to keep things going? She's not paying a dime to her lawyer, so she has nothing to lose. But legally, shouldn't there be some sort of due process for me? Also, we believe that perhaps she is stalling because upon last contact from my lawyer to hers, my lawyer asked for financials, including what she sold the matrimonial home for and how much debt she claims to have been left with, which I know is 0, yet she claims is much more. Also, she said that she only received 11k from the sale of the home when I am 99 percent sure it was more like 25k. Of course this would change the equalization for spousal support, yet she still hasn't brought forth any proof. As she is the one seeking ss doesn't she have to provide proof? Isn't the onus on her?

Sorry for the long ramble.
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Old 08-23-2012, 08:55 PM
WorkingDAD WorkingDAD is offline
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send this to your lawyer and ask her to pass it to your ex lawyer. May be it will give them a push...

2011 ONSC 7476 (CanLII)

and as for
Quote:
How long can my ex drag this out?
I would say as long as you allow them too...

send offer. put time frame. move to the trial. ask for cost.

Last edited by WorkingDAD; 08-23-2012 at 09:02 PM.
  #3  
Old 08-23-2012, 09:11 PM
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mcdreamy mcdreamy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingDAD View Post
send this to your lawyer and ask her to pass it to your ex lawyer. May be it will give them a push...

2011 ONSC 7476 (CanLII)

and as for I would say as long as you allow them too...

send offer. put time frame. move to the trial. ask for cost.
I'm not sure your case is going to help him... other than proving that sometimes persistence and the truth actually do pay off.

If he was married for 17 years, there could be a claim for ss. Shouldn't be allowed that she can come back 8 years post separation. But 42 age at separation, 17 year marriage, puts her at a magic mark of 59 for ss entitlement.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:21 PM
WorkingDAD WorkingDAD is offline
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I was under impression that his main problem is ex draging her feet and probably think that legal aid give her wings (if you know what I mean)

I would also think that my case help anyone who think that there is no need to settle if you have legal aid lawyer just becose you do not pay for it....

But I may be wrong ofcourse

Wd
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:31 PM
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Ahh.. the difference being, your ex had absolutely zero grounds for any of her crazy submissions/requests and having legal aid enhanced her sense of self importance and righteousness.

His crazy ex might/could have grounds to re-open ss. I don't agree that she should.. but based on past case law and the crazy dice of ss, who knows.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:33 PM
Delphic Delphic is offline
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Entitlement was the big issue for me and argued by my lawyer. Not only age, but standard of living was so low while married and the fact that for 12 years of the marriage, the child was in school full-time. Our arguement was that, what was this woman doing for 12 years while the child was in school? Judge at settlement conference had an incredulous look on her face when ex said that she still had houswork to do, while our child was in school. Judge went so far as so say that, " I worked and kept house with three kids" very sarcastically.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:43 PM
Delphic Delphic is offline
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Workingdad, I totally get what you're saying here. Bad faith and all. She has made many comments about making me pay for leaving her. She even said this in front of both our lawyers and myself and we were in the vestibule of the family court. As we all left the settlement conference, her Lawyer said to my lawyer, "let's get this settled and over with" and it was said nicely and very professionally as this was in keeping with the Judges comments. With that, and as we were all walking out, my ex said very visiously, " I have no problem going to trial...I'm in no hurry!" Her Lawyer actually looked mortified and took her by the arm to lead her out of the building. That says it all I guess. I just wish a Judge had heard and seen this.
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:34 PM
WorkingDAD WorkingDAD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delphic View Post
Workingdad, I totally get what you're saying here. Bad faith and all. She has made many comments about making me pay for leaving her. She even said this in front of both our lawyers and myself and we were in the vestibule of the family court. As we all left the settlement conference, her Lawyer said to my lawyer, "let's get this settled and over with" and it was said nicely and very professionally as this was in keeping with the Judges comments. With that, and as we were all walking out, my ex said very visiously, " I have no problem going to trial...I'm in no hurry!" Her Lawyer actually looked mortified and took her by the arm to lead her out of the building. That says it all I guess. I just wish a Judge had heard and seen this.
I think mentality here is
Hey I have lawyer payed by tax payers what is my risk? Her lawyer probably told he there is no way you can be ordered cost to pay his lawyer even if you loose and so on... that why I gave you my cost decision. Also you can sent article trimming bird wings in Hamilton posted earlier.

I do not have any experiences as of property division and everything (thanks god) but I would consult your lawyer about counter claim for equalization. That also may change dynamics...

as I see it but again just my opinion...
  #9  
Old 08-24-2012, 01:45 AM
Moolight Moolight is offline
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It has been 8 years which mean way pass the deadline for equalization. You have been paying CS all along so that is not an issue and as far for SS, I will really questionned why it took her 8 years.

How did she manage during these years and why now does she need suddenly the SS?
  #10  
Old 08-24-2012, 01:51 AM
Delphic Delphic is offline
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Is it normal process for one lawyer to send the opposing lawyer case law supporting their position during negotiations?

Sometimes I feel that my Lawyer is a little too soft, not tough enough. Is is appropriate to ask her to do such a thing? Someone should write an etiquette pamphlet for clients of Lawyers telling us what is appropriate and acceptable to request when paying that kind of money. Funny thing isn't it, if we were to pay anyone else 300 buks an hr we'd be all over them about everything to make sure it was done the right way, yet with Lawyers we seem to feel so inadequate and almost as though we're asking a huge favour of them.
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