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Advise required: how to prepare the kids for meeting the future stepdad

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  • Advise required: how to prepare the kids for meeting the future stepdad

    Hi,
    I seek advice on what to tell school age kids about meeting their future stepdad. My STBX is having an affair with someone. They have been dating for three month now. They are hoping to get married mid next year.
    In my opinion, she is dragging the kids way too soon to meet her boyfriend, but being rational or thinking of the best interest of the kids is a thing she doesn't subscribe to.

    I am extremely considered about my kids more than anything else. I asked her civilly to delay these outings with her boyfriend but the answer was no as she needs to get them familiar. She doesn't realize that there is a chance of breaking up or being dumped, but again there is no rational.
    She will introduce him as a special friend, but one time she told them he will be her future husband.

    Any advice on how I should talk to the kids? Any advice on how to make their life less disturbed?

    Thanks

  • #2
    Say nothing, it isn't your place. If they ask you about him, say you don't know much about him, but hear he is a decent guy... then change the topic.

    It isn't your job to insulate the kids from any relationships your ex may have in the future. And especially it isn't your job to discuss it before it even happens. If/when it happens, then you react. No need to make plans for all possible scenarios now when you have no idea what the actual situation will be in the future. It will just cause you anxiety and stress that you simply don't need.

    As for how to make their lives less disturbed, that is best done by simply living your life as normal. You can control what goes on in your ex's house or how your kids will react. You lead by example.

    Comment


    • #3
      I would introduce the topic to the kids that its normal/likely/possible either of you have new lovers etc... and what that means and doesn't mean (I will leave you to figure it out. I would not talk about the guy specifically, if he is a dick the kids will figure it out and if you say NOTHING - when they want to live with you because he is a dick it won't be PA vs if you do say something.

      I think your username sucks.... don't be a victim.

      Its very possible kids hate a step parents so your best bet is to be around for the kids so they can come to you when evil ones come around.

      If she really is crazy, it won't work out.

      Generally, I would never recommend you directly talk about somebody else unless you have a tangible evidence of problems

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      • #4
        1. he is not your dad
        2. call 911 if he yells at you
        3. dont respect him if he dont respect you
        4. call him by his first name
        5. dot trust him

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by The Iceberg View Post
          1. he is not your dad
          2. call 911 if he yells at you
          3. dont respect him if he dont respect you
          4. call him by his first name
          5. dot trust him

          Wow. This is by far some of the worst advice I have ever seen posted here.

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          • #6
            I'd say nothing regarding the bf.

            A lover today can often become an "ex" tomorrow and a witness for child custody in the future. LOL.

            Comment


            • #7
              You dont say anything unless they come to you. Then you encourage them to give the person a chance the same way they would give anyone else a chance. How YOU feel about your ex is irrelevant to how your KIDS feel about their MOTHER. She is the only one responsible for screwing it up. How she deals with it is her business. When they ask you what you think you tell them you are happy for their mother and you only want her to have happiness.

              Comment

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