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iona6656 · #11 04-12-2021, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

Kids have no control over their daily life. Everything is a dramatic and completely unforseen change to them. The idea that a child needs time to "adjust" to the father is ridiculous, and frankly insulting.

Disagree. It's not ridiculous.

I didn't say the child needed time to adjust- I said it could be a process of both parties adjusting. There's a reason that the courts- and many PCs (and I'd bet money child psychologists would be on board)- recommend short gradual visits that increase. I agree that you could theoretically just drop the kid off and leave- I mean- that's what daycare is....BUT even then, many daycares and Montessori's recommend (if possible) that you do a two week adjustment period where the kid goes for a couple hours each morning to get used to the childcare providers. In this case- it doesn't sound like the father has spent much time with the child. This dude sounds like HE needs some adjusting time.

I fail to see the drawback of a graduated parenting plan where one parent has not been the child's primary parent. As long as you get to a reasonable percentage of shared access quickly- who does this hurt?

paco · #12 04-12-2021, 07:36 PM

iona6656...with all due respect your assertion is ridiculous, highly offensive not only to myself but for dads out there.
This so you called "dude" is at least an equal capable parent as the child's mom to raise their child. The fact that he reached out for help here he seems that he's highly motivated to be active part in his daughter's life, and it's not about the money here, it's about the love for our kids.
The child is a little bit over a year old now and obviously she's over her "adjusting" time with both parents. It is normal for a baby to spend more time with mom in the first year for the obvious reason but after that the child can spend as much as 50/50 with both parents, maximizing the time with both parents is a child right, not a parent right, it's in the CJA. There is absolutely no reason to cut on that unless one of the parents voluntarily wants less time with the child.

Dad, as I mentioned to you I will send you a draft order with all parenting provisions including the parenting covenants for you need to start right, maybe your counsel can learn something from it, one thing is that we never give up on our children.

helenj · #13 04-12-2021, 07:37 PM

definitely ask for 50/50 parenting time. Worst case scenario they say no. BTW - here is a settlement offer you can use.

paco · #14 04-12-2021, 07:59 PM

helenj....sorry but there is no other option for 50/50 unless a parent gives up voluntarily on his/her parenting time.
If it is a capable parent there is absolutely no reason for a judge to cut the time with one parent, read the Courts of Justice Act if you're not familiar with it.
If the other party doesn't agree with 50/50 so be it and it will up to the judge to decide, but I can tell everyone and I say it again, a judge will not cut the parenting time just because one party wants more or she/him is "backed" up by false allegations with no factual findings.

If mom is not reasonable with dad in going on 50/50 route (which are most of the cases out there) than she'll find the hard way of doing it, again providing that the parents are both capable and involved parents in their child's life.

Brampton33 · #15 04-12-2021, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paco

If it is a capable parent there is absolutely no reason for a judge to cut the time with one parent, read the Courts of Justice Act if you're not familiar with it.

I have read the Courts of Justice Act and am not following your reference to that act in relation to your statement.... are you mis-referencing legislation in trying refer to the maximum contact principle under the Divorce Act?

paco · #16 04-13-2021, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

I have read the Courts of Justice Act and am not following your reference to that act in relation to your statement.... are you mis-referencing legislation in trying refer to the maximum contact principle under the Divorce Act?

I was actually referring to Canada's Divorce Act, not CJA, my mistake.
So according to section 16(10) of Canada’s Divorce Act, when making an order for custody, the court shall give effect to the principle that a child of the marriage should have as much contact with each spouse as is consistent with the best interests of the child and, for that purpose, shall take into consideration the willingness of the person for whom custody is sought to facilitate such contact.

Hope that clarifies your "miss-referencing" concern(s).

iona6656 · #17 04-13-2021, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paco

iona6656...with all due respect your assertion is ridiculous, highly offensive not only to myself but for dads out there.
This so you called "dude" is at least an equal capable parent as the child's mom to raise their child. The fact that he reached out for help here he seems that he's highly motivated to be active part in his daughter's life, and it's not about the money here, it's about the love for our kids.
The child is a little bit over a year old now and obviously she's over her "adjusting" time with both parents. It is normal for a baby to spend more time with mom in the first year for the obvious reason but after that the child can spend as much as 50/50 with both parents, maximizing the time with both parents is a child right, not a parent right, it's in the CJA. There is absolutely no reason to cut on that unless one of the parents voluntarily wants less time with the child.
.

I think you're misunderstanding my answer. I do not oppose the 50/50...nor was I saying that dads are not capable. What I am saying is that if one parent has been the primary caregiver of a very young child/infant- and the parties agree to move to a different access schedule- be if 50/50 or whatever...my opinion is that a gradual increase (with reasonable intervals) is a good idea and works well. I don't think there is a set way of doing things and the needs of each family will vary...but it does no harm (except maybe to the parent's pride) to commit to gradual parenting increases. I did it in my case- and we skipped over some intervals because D3 was ready for overnights sooner. But her dad actually wanted to delay full weekends with her...no big. He's still going to get the access we agreed to....

Janus · #18 04-13-2021, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

Disagree. It's not ridiculous.

It is ridiculous. It is a myth that is mostly used as a weapon against fathers.

Quote:

I didn't say the child needed time to adjust...I agree that you could theoretically just drop the kid off and leave- I mean- that's what daycare is...

That was my first point. Kids do not need adjustment time. Their lives are one chaotic hot mess. Everything is unexpected.

Quote:

I said it could be a process of both parties adjusting.

It reminds me of when my kids were born. The hospital didn't let us take care of the child until, over the course of a few months, we slowly got acclimatized to the role.

No wait, that didn't happen. It turns out that it is completly unreasonable to keep a child away from its parents until the parent has figured out what they are doing.

Quote:

There's a reason that the courts- and many PCs (and I'd bet money child psychologists would be on board)- recommend short gradual visits that increase.

The reason is pure misandry.

If we went through Canlii, I would be willing to bet my entire life savings that if we looked at the gender of the parent that needed gradual visits that increase over time, over 80% would be fathers. I would not bet as much, but strongly suspect, that the actual figure would be over 98%.

"Getting used to a parent" is sexist bullshit.

Quote:

many daycares and Montessori's recommend (if possible) that you do a two week adjustment period where the kid goes for a couple hours each morning to get used to the childcare providers.

I used to work at a camp. The kids didn't care that the parents left, but if the parent was bawling then the kids would certainly follow suit. We would sometimes let the parents bring their kids for partial days, but that was just to make the parents comfortable so would not lose it in front of the kids

The kids did not care. In my years at the camps, I can count on one hand the number of kids that were still crying ten minutes after their parents were out of sight.

Quote:

In this case- it doesn't sound like the father has spent much time with the child. This dude sounds like HE needs some adjusting time.

Yeah, he's not exactly a great poster child for my cause here.

Quote:

I fail to see the drawback of a graduated parenting plan where one parent has not been the child's primary parent. As long as you get to a reasonable percentage of shared access quickly- who does this hurt?

The idea that kids need to get used to their father is pernicious, and permeates much of family law. It bolsters the idea that only the parent who has provided the caregiving in the past is qualified to provide the parenting in the future.

If quickly is "within a month", then I'm game. That said, the proper amount is "whatever length of time hospitals give new parents to get used to their kid before discharging them".

Hint: That time is measured in hours to days, not weeks or months.

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