I will just add this.
I married up in class. She came from a good home I came from a broken home.
In her defense I had some issues for sure....lower self esteem and excessive drinking at times.(when I was down).
I wanted to get married because we were in love ...
I don't think she loved me....she thought she did....but her reasons for getting married is because we had a 5 year relationship and If we didn't get married we wasted 5 years.
We discussed it many many times as I suspected she didnt really love anymore.
I should have walked away then.....BIG mistake.
But now I have 2 wonderful kids....so not so much.
Even on our wedding night my wife was allready doubting her choice.
She was pissed off(cause some of my family members drank a little too much the night before the wedding)...
And she was mad....so my punishment was we didn't consummate our wedding.
Our marriage quickly transformed into a "parent,/child" relationship.
Where I would rebel....against her "rules"....and she would punish me by first withholding sex....then many years later eventually love.
After 3 years of marriage where we were doing o.k....but we lived apart because I commuted to work....so we were kinda long distance relationship.
She decided she wanted children...." Because that's what you do....you get married....you have kids....and live happily ever after"....Just like her family and friends.
Once again....I had my doubts....but went along for the ride.
When the kids came we were o.k for awhile.
But Breast feeding and shift work pretty much forced me out of the bedroom for a year....but we managed.
About in 2012 is when she stopped loving me and withdrew all compliments, touch, hugs, kissing, snuggling.
So I was trapped in a loveless....and ever less frequency of sex....marriage.
I felt trapped a divorce then would have been much worse than now...
Our kids were young. She would have got majority custody.
So I guess I should count my blessings....I made it to now.....cause it could have been worse.
Right now my self-worth is at a lifelong LOW.
I don't drink anymore at all(,Thank god). That was her single biggest complaint over the years....and while was usually pretty good I would have my moments. But now I don't drink a drop.
I never laid a hand on my wife, kids,(never spanked), I wasn't abusive....But I would lose my temper when stressed out.
I just want to be amicable....and do everything right for my kids.
I want to remain friendly with her.
I hope with time she can stand being in same room with me.
Last night I asked .."do you think I am a decent human being"....she said "Not really". I asked her so I am not Kind? She said NO.
It's a tough pill to swallow ....that a women that once thought the sun rises and sets over you was driven to this level of almost hatred?
That also does not help my self esteem.
I will get through this but IT isn't going to be easy....
Thanks for all the input.
I married up in class. She came from a good home I came from a broken home.
In her defense I had some issues for sure....lower self esteem and excessive drinking at times.(when I was down).
I wanted to get married because we were in love ...
I don't think she loved me....she thought she did....but her reasons for getting married is because we had a 5 year relationship and If we didn't get married we wasted 5 years.
We discussed it many many times as I suspected she didnt really love anymore.
I should have walked away then.....BIG mistake.
But now I have 2 wonderful kids....so not so much.
Even on our wedding night my wife was allready doubting her choice.
She was pissed off(cause some of my family members drank a little too much the night before the wedding)...
And she was mad....so my punishment was we didn't consummate our wedding.
Our marriage quickly transformed into a "parent,/child" relationship.
Where I would rebel....against her "rules"....and she would punish me by first withholding sex....then many years later eventually love.
After 3 years of marriage where we were doing o.k....but we lived apart because I commuted to work....so we were kinda long distance relationship.
She decided she wanted children...." Because that's what you do....you get married....you have kids....and live happily ever after"....Just like her family and friends.
Once again....I had my doubts....but went along for the ride.
When the kids came we were o.k for awhile.
But Breast feeding and shift work pretty much forced me out of the bedroom for a year....but we managed.
About in 2012 is when she stopped loving me and withdrew all compliments, touch, hugs, kissing, snuggling.
So I was trapped in a loveless....and ever less frequency of sex....marriage.
I felt trapped a divorce then would have been much worse than now...
Our kids were young. She would have got majority custody.
So I guess I should count my blessings....I made it to now.....cause it could have been worse.
Right now my self-worth is at a lifelong LOW.
I don't drink anymore at all(,Thank god). That was her single biggest complaint over the years....and while was usually pretty good I would have my moments. But now I don't drink a drop.
I never laid a hand on my wife, kids,(never spanked), I wasn't abusive....But I would lose my temper when stressed out.
I just want to be amicable....and do everything right for my kids.
I want to remain friendly with her.
I hope with time she can stand being in same room with me.
Last night I asked .."do you think I am a decent human being"....she said "Not really". I asked her so I am not Kind? She said NO.
It's a tough pill to swallow ....that a women that once thought the sun rises and sets over you was driven to this level of almost hatred?
That also does not help my self esteem.
I will get through this but IT isn't going to be easy....
Thanks for all the input.
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