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Wow first "offer" from partners ex lawyer!

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  • Wow first "offer" from partners ex lawyer!

    And being responded with a great big NO!

    His ex who is 61, retired...says she will forgo ongoing monthly support payments...
    In exchange for him signing his half of the mortgage free house over, PLUS $100,000 from his pension...Plus 778$ per month for their adult child who does have some serious depression anxiety issues..and has started and quit 4 different very expensive school programs...

    I just cant understand why her lawyer even presented this offer....I see a long battle ahead as they are so far apart.

  • #2
    Well look at what he would have to pay her.

    1. Half the value of the house and his pension.
    2. Her share of his cpp credits for the years she didn’t work.
    3. Monthly spousal support.

    The child support for the child is a crapshoot but leave that one for now.

    Look at the legal fees you would pay to go forward. Basically four hours average per day your lawyer spends on this. For court dates you should calculate eight hours.

    When you calculate those amounts, her offer may not be that bad. He could counter with no cpp credits, no child support and less that half the assets.

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    • #3
      There house is mortgage free...so basically walking away with nothing is a better deal? I understand a little bit of the logic here...but she has exclusive rights to the house, while we share an apartment, plus he has to board closer to his job...so literally he would be left with nothing every month

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      • #4
        Getting $200,000 up front and paying jt out monthly for the next 30 years is better? Has his lawyer told him what he can expect for a monthly payment and the length of time?

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        • #5
          I dont disagree...but for us to have any chance of a house depends on him getting his equity out of the house. If he goes along with this, we start over with nothing.

          On top of everything else, his job is not secure and there are some serious worries hat it may end..

          Rockscan, another question, off topic sort of...if he does have no income, due to a job loss...can they go after my income? My quick background is I pay my ex $650 a month, plus 25% of every quarterly bonus....

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          • #6
            Oh wait another fact, he will get the tax write off for paying it back monthly, is there any sort of write off if he does the lump sump..never even considered that...my payouts to my ex, mean I get a big refund

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            • #7
              This is a first offer. My husbands ex demanded $65,000 in expenses plus ongoing cs in her first offer. He owed her $5,000 and partial table. Offers are meant to start the negotiating. He can look at the elements and what he is obligated to pay and go from there.

              You also need to stop thinking in terms of “we”. This is his problem to deal with and what happens is not your problem. He is not obligated to use his money (if he gets any) to buy a house for you. This is his mess to clean up. I love my husband but his issues with his ex are his to deal with.

              Your income will not make a difference if he can’t work. This should be considered when he goes through this process. If he is 65 and ready to retire that will be a factor in a judges decision on spousal. He may have to contribute a portion of his monthly income or he may have to fork over a portion of his pension. He was married to this woman for a long period of time and they accumulated their assets. He is responsible for the decisions they made together. If she stayed home, she is entitled to spousal. Just because he is yours now doesn’t mean he can absolve his responsibilities to her.

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              • #8
                I sense hostility in your response...I absolutely agree he has obligations to her...even though she was emotionally abusive.
                I make more money then he does, and can pay my obligations to my ex and support myself and my child 100% without his help...

                He is not obligated to use his money (if he gets any) to buy a house for you. This is his mess to clean up.

                I never said he was "obligated" to get a house, but I totally disagree with him walking away with nothing....

                Thanks for your input especially about if they can go after my income.

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                • #9
                  Not hostile, just honest. If you think thats bad, good thing you don’t hear what I say to my husband.

                  Everyone has a story from their divorce and reasons why the other person should shut up and walk away. That needs to be left out of it. The bottom line is he had a marriage, it was a certain amount of time, he and his ex accumulated a certain amount of assets, now they have to split them. He thinks one way, she thinks another. If they don’t agree, a judge will decide for them.

                  A very good exercise my husbands lawyer outlined was to look at what they think, what the law says and how much you will spend fighting for it. For instance, in his case his ex demanded an additional $800 and he balked. I reminded him he would spend that on his lawyer in three hours. Which meant he could pay it or spend another four hours just to have a judge order it. As well, he paid a lump sum for future expenses and he is now done. He balked at that too and I reminded him that he would pay what he would be obligated to pay but save the $500+ each year to calculate it and fight for proper documentation.

                  Your partner needs to look at what he would pay over the long term and what he would pay in a lump sum. Then counter her offer with that. Judge will try to get you both to a point near the middle and finish it off. Does your partner want to pay even more in legal fees to get nothing? Thats what he needs to ask himself.

                  As far as you are concerned, its great he has you to support him through this and live his life with but ultimately married her, had a child with her, bought a house with her and stayed with her. He has to deal with the aftermath from that and if his life is stalled as a result, it is his problem to deal with. He should be pushing his lawyer to get it moving and do a counter offer. If he doesn’t have a lawyer, he needs to get one to move it along. Otherwise you will continue to be in this perpetual circle of loathing and not able to live your life. This woman is sucking your energy and its not good for you.

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                  • #10
                    You made me smile, lol...and yes he has a lawyer that is counter offering today...case goes to a judge on Monday.

                    And yes there was some stuff in her disclosure thats not right, and amounts to about $1000 and I said same to him, don't fight those small amounts, what you pay your lawyer is more then that!

                    And I do appreciate your input, the tax implications tho are very important

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                    • #11
                      With the exception of the adult child I would take this offer and run if I was him. If the adult child is so incapacitated they can apply for ODSP and get paid monthly by the government. His ex would also get a huge tax break looking after the adult child too if they are that dependent. This is not an ongoing support issue for a former spouse. If they go to court the house will certainly be half hers and 100k out of a lifelong pension is not much. I got well over 100k for a 14 yr marriage and I am much younger and have my own good pension as well but it was done fairly as I also stayed home for a few years. An acutary and/or pension administrator will give a family law value. If he has been working for their entire marriage he will be paying the max amount forever for spousal support. There will be no end to that. A judge most likely won't impute income for a 61 yr old. Pension credits aren't arguable usually and she can go after all is said and done and sort that out with CRA. Let us know what happens in court because it would appear that his lawyer isn't being straight up about what the law is. He can counter all he wants but a judge won't look kindly at anything less than the law given the length of the marriage and ages. They don't care about claims of emotional abuse or infidelity.

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                      • #12
                        thanks

                        His daughter was denied odsp for the second time...and wont go to the appeal...does she need it, hard to say.

                        The lawyer in the settlement conference told them he would be silly to agree with their offer of signing house over nd the $100,000...I don't know...trying not to worry.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by canthisberight View Post
                          In exchange for him signing his half of the mortgage free house over, PLUS $100,000 from his pension...
                          What? So she would get her half that she is entitle to, in addition to his half? So he basically loses his half of the equity?

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by canthisberight View Post
                            Oh wait another fact, he will get the tax write off for paying it back monthly, is there any sort of write off if he does the lump sump..never even considered that...my payouts to my ex, mean I get a big refund
                            Lump sum spousal-support payments are not tax deductible.

                            When a judge orders a lump sum amount, they will usually explicitly lower the amount awarded to account for this.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by alongjourney View Post
                              What? So she would get her half that she is entitle to, in addition to his half? So he basically loses his half of the equity?
                              Yes in exchange for that....he never pays a cent in spousal support, but even the judge sys it would be foolish for him to do this, as he can retire in 2 years. And at that point her pension is much higher then his.

                              Comment

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