Urgent situation with teens

[LovingFather32]

Everyone here has been supportive but you. I wasn't trying to get out of trying to pay child support and sorry if referencing myself as a great mom offended you. To make you happier, how about, I am a pretty terrific mom?!

My heart is simply aching for her children.

We don't think you're stupid. They're seeking a reaction to justify their move to dad's ... is my guess. My guess is that there's more to the story. Kids do't just suddenly start calling mom a "b" out of the blue. Just seems like there was some kind of trigger or blowout....or something was building. New b/f they didn't like perhaps?

Yes, X-mas will be tough. Keep your head high. My daughter was abducted and I spent an x-mas and Easter without her.. I tried to fight the tears around y entire family but it was hard. I remember at Easter my family (cousins, aunts, grandparents, etc) held a banner saying "WE MISS YOU D5". It actually gets emotional just writing this.

But, the sun shone again ... and it will for you too. Stay positive and help yourself for now. They'll com around!!

[Where is the Light]

Thank you LovingFather32,

If only I had some how managed to get them/us into therapy before the dreaded day happened. I still can't get them in therapy with me, but their dad can get them to virtually do anything with his intimidating YELLING voice. The nonsense was happening before I asked them to spend a couple days at dads thinking about how they treat me. It is now that they are spending more time with dad that their behaviour is escalating big time.

I just took out a couple books and started receiving counselling for myself this past week. Books: "Whatever - A down to earth guide to parenting teenagers" "The teenage Brain" and "Teens Gone Wired, Are you Ready"?

Any others? Thank you!!

[Where is the Light]

Hello ele110,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful input. Desparate is definitely what I appear like right now! My youngest, 13 told me he heard I may have to move (it is true, I may have to). He must be angry and hurt but won't come out and say it. I say this cause he said, why would you have to move, you have a job here! I said nothing further. I didn't want to say cause I only have a casual job now and if I don't get one f/t soon, I may have to move where there is more work in my field (which is not close by).

The pain of them not calling/texting nowadays and when they do it is mostly always rude is really hard to take right now.

[Where is the Light]

LovingFather32:

Red alert means they are watching him closely and now have him seeing a school counsellor. No, there were no markings anywhere the school advised. The cutting was soemtihng to do with his father/him and his being upset. He has a diagnosis of high anxiety. I think the claims to cutting are why my ex has now ordered the three of them into therapy.

God, help my child/children.

[Where is the Light]

Does anyone know how you block a person on this site? Block them from responding to your posts? Some persons responses are simply not constructive, they only come across as jabs and for what reason when they don't know me? Hatred!

Thank you.

[arabian]

When you block someone you are blocking your ability to read their posts. People will continue to post unless a moderator bans them from the forum.

To block someone go to the top right-hand corner of this screen and you will see "user CP" and you will see the block features - "edit ignore list".

[Where is the Light]

So they will still be able to post to my own postings, even if I block them?

[arabian]

Yes.

Only monitors or the owner of the forum can prevent someone from posting on the forum.

[Paulamichelle]

Although I am a dreaded woman I have seen first hand the damage that my new partners vicious ex has done to him ,I went through his divorce with him before my own and her promise to destroy him is her mission in life still after 9 years .Even when the children are young adults alienation of a loving father is the most disgusting thing a woman can do ,she shouldn't be able to call herself a mother IMO .My partner is gutted this woman left him and stole his most precious gifts she has tried to force me to leave him by interfering in my life .I realize my Ex does not like having to help me with support but it's a very small portion of his income he has far more money now than he ever did and see his 2 self supporting children all the time spending every holiday with them .I stayed in a lonely marriage simply because my children's father loved them just not me ,when the youngest turned 18 I told him it was time for me to go I had expected him to be doing the same ,I asked him if he was ok with it and his comment was "I'm a man now mom do what you need to do " .my Ex and I still shared a house and stayed separated for 5 years he was my friend or so I thought ,we sat in court together formulated a divorce order that required him to help me with things like dental expenses in exchange for a support amount that was grossly below what I was entitled to ,duty council where appalled by it but I insisted I would be fine ,I wasn't ,what broke my heart more than the fact that after 25 years I gave him the freedom he wanted is that he tried to alienate my children from me ,it crushed me ,I waited until my son moved into his own place to go back to court so he wouldn't be subjected to "look what your mothers doing " again at least not as much .the trial he put me thru ended Monday it almost destroyed me I couldn't get a lawyer my offer to settle would have cost him 9000.$ more a year and he makes at least 6 figures after paying me with 10 weeks holidays ! As you might guess I ended up with more than my offer to settle ,but no body really WINS if you think about it ,he's back involving the kids ,why they love me .he told the judge "why should I pay for Paula when BF gets the pleasure of Paula" ,like I was just a piece of meat .It still hurts that he hates me so much and I don't get it

[Where is the Light]

Sounds like we have a lot in common. I am so sorry! I was horribly abused (you should read posts from years ago). He once ''pretended'' to still care for me in our marriage after having been so cruel to me. One particular night I bought in to one night of kind of civilness. I let him do things to me and me to him. After he said, do you think that meant anything to me and laughed horribly. There are a lot of other incidences. I would lock myself in my bedroom (I considered it my bedroom at the time), we too were sharing the home, that is when he would actually come home from time to time. He would drink and rattle the outside of my door saying, "don't you want me/it", laughing all the while. So much I could share.

Today, I am advised I can take our child to the orthodondist. I felt privlidged picking my child up from school to take him there. Same rudeness; really rude. I have come to realize that it feels like I am in a relationship similar to that of my marriage in its BAD years. A very mean relationship (kids to mom). Anyhow, later I get a call from our other child (special needs child). I am advised the bus is not picking child up. I ask, did you call your daddies wife to pick you up? Child says, she has been sick, she can't pick me up. Child advises told to call me to pick up. I say, will you be polite? Child says, yeah. Oh and can you drive my friend home? I do. My child is quiet (atleast not rude). Childs friend is chatty.

Anyhow, today after being hurt again by my youngest, I made a decision. I sent a text off to ex saying, I am giving our children some space. Hopefully they will want to see me sometime soon. Right now they don't seem to need me or want me in their life. I love them dearly and am heartbroken. Please advise once they are in therapy.

I said the therapy part as he is apparently getting the three of them therapy.

I hope you all are not angry with me. At this point I don't think it is healthy for me to continue to be treated so horribly. This is not how boys should be treating their mother. I am getting counselling myself.

For the record, this is killing me.

[arabian]

I'm curious ... you refer to your one child as a "special needs child" - care to expand upon that? How old is this child?

[standing on the sidelines]

I'm curious ... you refer to your one child as a "special needs child" - care to expand upon that? How old is this child?

I think she said before that he was 16 but operating at about a grade 3 level plus anxiety.

[Where is the Light]

That would be correct. 16, functioning at a grade
3 level. He was diagnosed with MID, high anxiety and ADHD, social challenges and low muscle tone.

For the record, he just called me again 20 minutes ago about a half hour from his dad's to pick him up. He said dad was out and dads wife sick in bed. How could I
Possibly say no?!

[Links17]

How does a grade 3er have a say?

[standing on the sidelines]

That would be correct. 16, functioning at a grade
3 level. He was diagnosed with MID, high anxiety and ADHD, social challenges and low muscle tone.

For the record, he just called me again 20 minutes ago about a half hour from his dad's to pick him up. He said dad was out and dads wife sick in bed. How could I
Possibly say no?!

I think you need to stop running every time they call. Sit down with your son and explain to him that when he needs a ride he makes arrangements with you in advance or his father is responsible to pick him up. Every time you jump when they call to run them here or there is reinforcing their treatment of you. Right now they are thinking I can treat mom any way I want and she still comes running when I call. Why should they treat you any better when there are no consequences? They will continue to use you as a doormat until you stop letting yourself be one.