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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 02-10-2009, 01:42 PM
keepitsimple keepitsimple is offline
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Default Separation Costs

Hi,

I'm new here and in the very early stages of separating. My husband has chosen not be be in the marriage any longer and is not interested in working on it or couples counselling. I am not in support of this separation. So now we're in throws of the process. It has only been since the beginning of Jan that he told me this. He is still in the house and we are doing mediation.

My question: These mediators (for the child arrangement part and the financial part) cost big money. We do not have a lot of disposable income and are quickly using it up. We've not even had to see lawyers yet (beyond each of our initial consult with one). He makes about 70% more than I do. Am I equally (legally) responsible for the costs of these professionals? I'm fearing that I'm going to now go into debt for this separation which is something I don't want and don't agree with. It seems so unfair...but, I'm quickly learning that life is not fair!

Thanks!
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Old 02-10-2009, 03:54 PM
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If you have not yet split your assets and debts and have not done equilization and are essentially sharing income, then the mediation will be paid equally from your combined assets you have yet to split.

If somehow you are separate financially, though living in the same house I doubt it, then you should share the cost based on income, in my opinion.

The most fair way I think is to pay for the cost of separation, assuming you are both being reasonable ( which mediation I think is), is to pay from your joint assets and it comes out of equilization - the assets of the marriage pay for the dissolution of the marriage.

Not wanting it does not mean you don't have to pay for it I am sorry to say.

This is my opinion, not legal fact.
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Old 02-10-2009, 05:32 PM
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I hear you but Doesn't seem right but...no we've not yet split assets and are still in the same house.

Problem is we've run out of disposable income. I really don't want to cash in RRSPs to pay for this. Upon recommendation of just about everyone, have also closed joint credit cards and line of credit so no joint credit available anymore. I don't want to (and I'm sure he doesn't want to) pay for it on our individual accounts (I can't get a line of credit anyway due to my low income and paying credit card interest rates is too high) after the seperation date as will this then really be considered joint. I'm wondering about getting a joint loan instead to cover the costs and then attempt to pay this off but I guess there is no difference to that than a LOC but at least it is a more finite amount of money I guess. So unfortunately the professionals need real money not money that we've got listed on our asset sheet which makes it difficult when the kid's activities still need to be paid for, etc. I wonder how people handle this?
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Old 02-10-2009, 06:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keepitsimple View Post
So unfortunately the professionals need real money not money that we've got listed on our asset sheet which makes it difficult when the kid's activities still need to be paid for, etc. I wonder how people handle this?
Line of credit
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Old 02-11-2009, 01:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keepitsimple View Post
Problem is we've run out of disposable income. I really don't want to cash in RRSPs to pay for this.
Welcome to separation via disagreement.

I didn't want to up my house mortgage from $190K to $300K to pay for 2 years of stupidity in the courts and the lawyers either, but that might be where you're headed.

So if you want to save those RRSP's then the two of you have to agree to disagree while agreeing.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 02-11-2009 at 01:58 AM.
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Old 02-11-2009, 11:14 AM
keepitsimple keepitsimple is offline
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Default good points

Last night we opened a small joint LOC that is enough only to cover upcoming costs. I'm being really proactive in calmly discussing the issues (like parenting agreement) so we're only discussing real issues with a mediator on the clock. It looks like is working. Stories like having to pay for 2 years of stupidity is really helping me keep my emotions/feelings in check to avoid that. Thanks!
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Old 02-11-2009, 07:16 PM
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Stories like having to pay for 2 years of stupidity is really helping me keep my emotions/feelings in check to avoid that. Thanks!
Two years from separation until final court order. Legal and ancillary fees for me were $65,000. Hers were similar, so we pissed away $130,000 of our kids education. Now, that's STUPID.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:18 PM
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My partner spent about $16 000.

This was being as agreeable as possible. Only one motion was put forth by him.
Costs incurred just responding.
Partners EX apparently spent $27 000.

FOUR YEARS EIGHT MONTHS.

Finally over just last Friday. Woohoo!
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:39 PM
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Congratulations on your settlement!!!
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:49 PM
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Thanks DTTE. Somehow I feel remarkably better after reading your #'s!!!!
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