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  • #16
    Franklin,

    For what it's worth. It's been my experience that judges aren't stupid and see this BS on a daily basis. Most of the garbage that my ex and her lawyer spit out was ignored or easily viewed as "inaccurate". My ex hasn't won a case yet and perhaps the questionable tactics used has something to do with it.

    You come out of these things feeling disgusted and dirty. In my case, I have joint custed and 50% shared access. To walk in there and be portrayed as this dead beat dad who is agressive and mean. When I've been paying child support and following court orders religeously.

    For those of us with ethics and morals, it's tough to hear. Try to realize that it is just the way it is. I need to follow my own advice here, as it is morally wong and I also have a big problem with it.

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    • #17
      Yes I too was portrayed as a bad father and person, Judge couldn't have cared less. But to cover her ass she ordered a children's lawyer to look me over. This was not necessary and I know it was not done to help me as I had to suffer through supervised access visits, but it did help me tremendously.
      The judge had no evidence to cause my children and myself to go through more abuse. I had nothing to hide or be ashamed of so I prevailed in the end. I won but we all lost what a mess. 3 years on and just getting over it . oh well

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      • #18
        Hang in there. I too went though all of this for a very long tmie 8 years ago. OCL involvement, HC and even kidnapping. Things calmed down for a while, but I've recently gone through it all over again over child support just for following a court order. Some people live in a world of conflict and don't see the benefit of a cooperative relationship for the sake of the kids. Don't let your guard down and try to do the best for your kids.

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        • #19
          When I first started my divorce, my lawyer told me that people generally hire lawyers that are in alignment with their own personality type. HC individuals hire HC lawyers that engage in questionable tactics.

          I paid a fortunate for depositions where my ex was caught lying under oath...he then lied to more than one judge...in fact, even in the judges endorsement, it was noted that he fabricated directly to the judge and the net result of that....was nothing. If my case goes to trial...which is highly unlikely...he may have some credibility issues as a result...but very few cases go to trial.

          Ultimately, until the justice system has a more punitive system for both the users and the lawyers, nothing will change. The lawyers need to meet zero success criteria to get paid. In fact, the more messy the divorce...the more things that drag on unresolved...the more money they make. The system encourages deceit and non-disclosure.

          But that doesn't mean that individual users of the system don't have a duty to respect the process and tell the truth where they can. The standard advice on this forum has always been to be honest, be reasonable in negotiations and strive for compromise where you can.

          Personally, I truly like and admire my lawyer. I picked someone that I considered a good person who listened to me and gave me advice but didn't dictate...and I did a good job. I also picked someone that didn't charge ridiculous sums per hour and that I would accept payment at delivery milestones. I wouldn't have made it through this process without the lawyer I have. Not all lawyers are sharks...some are good, moral people trying to help people through divorce.

          The good news is that I can honestly say that playing dirty got my ex nowhere.

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          • #20
            I am happy to hear that. Honesty can work if you have nothing to hide.
            The last thing my ex did was begin to suggest sexual abuse by calling something I did inappropriate, but the way it was worded was about to get nasty. It stopped there thank god. I will tell you this though if she could do it again from the beginning she would have used that tactic, all without consequences .
            All her playing got her nothing and helped me. A dirty playing ex is probably your most powerful weapon. All you need is patience and lots of tissues. Never bad mouth your ex in front of your kids and reap the rewards is my plan for now. My kids have been told confusing lies about me and I simply cant answer their questions without calling their mother a liar so I just apologize and its too cute when they say " Its ok Daddy ". But when they are older and want to know the truth I will allow them to read the briefs for themselves , and then I will apologize again, and I know just what they will say.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Franklin View Post
              I am happy to hear that. Honesty can work if you have nothing to hide.
              The last thing my ex did was begin to suggest sexual abuse by calling something I did inappropriate, but the way it was worded was about to get nasty. It stopped there thank god. I will tell you this though if she could do it again from the beginning she would have used that tactic, all without consequences .
              All her playing got her nothing and helped me. A dirty playing ex is probably your most powerful weapon. All you need is patience and lots of tissues. Never bad mouth your ex in front of your kids and reap the rewards is my plan for now. My kids have been told confusing lies about me and I simply cant answer their questions without calling their mother a liar so I just apologize and its too cute when they say " Its ok Daddy ". But when they are older and want to know the truth I will allow them to read the briefs for themselves , and then I will apologize again, and I know just what they will say.
              never a good idea, no matter how old they are. That is putting the kids in the middle. Best just to leave it between the adults.

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