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  #1  
Old 04-22-2011, 10:55 AM
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Default Cheaters, sneaks and liars.

I am rather perplexed at why adultery is not given more consideration as an example of poor parenting. Yes, one may argue that the too have nothing to do with each other but I would think that how you live your life reflects on the values you instill in your children.

So if you behave in a manor that says lying, cheating, disrespect, and disloyalty is ok. than how can you instill the values of honesty, trust, respect, honour and loyalty?

Do we parent by "do what I say not what I do" or do we "teach by example?"

Do you betray just your spouse or do you betray the whole family unit when one cheats?

JMO if you want to stray, be honest and be brave and leave, then start a new relationship... therefore teaching your kids to face what isn't working head on.

Opinions?
  #2  
Old 04-22-2011, 11:04 AM
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hard to argue with that logic
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karmaseeker View Post
Opinions?
Just that there are always (at least) 3 sides to every story: His, hers, and the truth - wish is usually somewhere in the middle.

We are sexual creatures and the drive to mate is stronger than most people think, or will admit. If you're not getting what you need at home, then you will get it somewhere else... eventually.

Yes, a marriage vow says that you'll be faithful - but it also presupposes that everything will continue going just fine in that department.

My personal philosophy is that if my spouse "cheats" on me, I need to look at myself, and not her. All I want is honesty ("I cheated" or "I am going to cheat") ... if there's honesty, the rest can be worked out.

They say that opinions are like assholes, though

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Gary M View Post
Just that there are always (at least) 3 sides to every story: His, hers, and the truth - wish is usually somewhere in the middle.

We are sexual creatures and the drive to mate is stronger than most people think, or will admit. If you're not getting what you need at home, then you will get it somewhere else... eventually.

Yes, a marriage vow says that you'll be faithful - but it also presupposes that everything will continue going just fine in that department.

My personal philosophy is that if my spouse "cheats" on me, I need to look at myself, and not her. All I want is honesty ("I cheated" or "I am going to cheat") ... if there's honesty, the rest can be worked out.

They say that opinions are like assholes, though

Cheers!

Gary

If they are being honest about the indiscretion than they are showing a capacity for the value of truth.

Mistakes happen and people can indeed work out a "mistake" because there is a desire to repair what is broken.

However, there are many that behave like they are justified to have multiple long term affairs, sneakily meeting in car parks and hotels for years on end and not thinking they should be held accountable for such poor choices.

Often, it is not just their family that is destroyed but the family of their cohort too displacing even more children.

The "it's all about me, I want my cake and eat it too, and I don't take responsibility for how my choices hurt people" thinking is morally bankrupt.

I am not just responsible for maintaining integrity in my relationship and family, when single I was responsible for not carrying on with a married man. The "I'm not the one that's married" argument doesn't wash well with me.

IMHO
  #5  
Old 04-22-2011, 11:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karmaseeker View Post
I am rather perplexed at why adultery is not given more consideration as an example of poor parenting. Yes, one may argue that the too have nothing to do with each other but I would think that how you live your life reflects on the values you instill in your children.

So if you behave in a manor that says lying, cheating, disrespect, and disloyalty is ok. than how can you instill the values of honesty, trust, respect, honour and loyalty?

Do we parent by "do what I say not what I do" or do we "teach by example?"

Do you betray just your spouse or do you betray the whole family unit when one cheats?

JMO if you want to stray, be honest and be brave and leave, then start a new relationship... therefore teaching your kids to face what isn't working head on.

Opinions?
Well, my ex's moral compass was definitely broken while we were together. I didn't take his cheating as hurting the kids as they aren't aware of it and I looked at it as he was hurting me, not them. Although, having a mother who felt betrayed and stupid for staying probably wasn't the best either.
It was his constant absence and choosing drinking and buddies over his family, stealing the kids' b-day/Xmas money (as well as mine) that was sent to us from my family, lying all the time, and in general being a poohead that makes me feel he is not the best role model for my guys. I am trying to instill in them a better respect for women and how honesty is the best policy. They get soooo mad when they're at his house and he starts spinning some lie and they catch him in it, call him on it and he just starts spinning another or accuses them of being disrespectful of him.
That or he blames me for everything lol
  #6  
Old 04-22-2011, 01:40 PM
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If adultery is grounds for poor parenting, then if a married couple are both committing adultery should the CAS apprehend the children because the parents are unfit? If not, why should that affect the status of one parent who is adulterous?
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Old 04-22-2011, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Mess View Post
If adultery is grounds for poor parenting, then if a married couple are both committing adultery should the CAS apprehend the children because the parents are unfit? If not, why should that affect the status of one parent who is adulterous?
As per usual, you manage to say in few words that which takes me many.

From now on I'll just wait for you, then append a "Yeah: What Mess said!"



Cheers!

Gary
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Old 04-22-2011, 02:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
If adultery is grounds for poor parenting, then if a married couple are both committing adultery should the CAS apprehend the children because the parents are unfit? If not, why should that affect the status of one parent who is adulterous?

I don't believe I said anything about "unfit", or the involvement of CAS, or even removing children from the home.

I believe I said that values need to be taught by example.

Are values and morals not worthy of consideration in defining good parenting? Or is it simply who can provide physical needs?

Where do children learn lying is ok?
Where do children learn empathy and thoughts for how their behavior effect others?
Where do children learn responsibility and accountability?


I am not saying people can't make mistakes, learn and grow as people because of them, and use their experience to become excellent teachers for their children. But some people don't learn, don't change, and are IMO very poor moral compasses.
  #9  
Old 04-22-2011, 07:01 PM
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Breaking news: People are human. They aren't perfect. They fuck up. They lie. They cheat. They pick their noses. They fart and blame the dog. Get used to it.
  #10  
Old 04-22-2011, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
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They fart and blame the dog.
B-b-b-b-b-but it WAS the dog!

It really was....



Cheers!

Gary
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