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  • 4 way meeting

    Ex wife is requesting a 4 way meeting. I received a letter from her lawyer today.

    She is frustrated that I am not paying my share of the kids section 7 expenses (sports)

    I have never been notified of said sports other than the hockey to which I have not agreed to in the first place.

    My ex wife got a $1 million settlement last year. Gets $19,200 for cs and $1500 a mo for social services. Her settlement is on line 150 of her income taxes. Does that not come into play here? How is a $100 registration for let's say soccer be extra ordinary to someone with her financial means?

    I don't feel comfortable with a 4 way meeting. I think it is a way to bully me into what she wants. She is frustrated I am utilizing my weekend access with the kids and interfering with my sons hockey obligations that I had never consented to.

    I can not commit my weekends to travelling for hockey both days the only time I see my kids especially when I am always on call for work. There are 3 other children to spend time with as well...I won't go into that topic anymore as I have explained my stance so many times it's exhausting.

    How should I handle this?

    I would consider a flat $1000 per kid per year for sports and equip. Paying my share once I have been given proof of registration and a receipt. $1000 is the max amount per year per kid so if they don't get registered into something then I am not about to pay a monthly fee as she suggests.

    I feel I am being bullied into what she wants. Could use some advise how to proceed.

    I can't even say I am willing to compromise as I have no indication how many sports or what sports she has enrolled kids over the years because she never tells me. I find out from the kids they are in this they are in that. I don't question it as they don't seem to be "extra-ordinary"

    The flat rate of $1000 per kid should hopefully remedy the need for this constant battle.

    Any other suggestions?

    She also wants to reduce my visitation to if I am not here the whole duration of the visit they do not come. How do you compromise that when I am on an on call basis with work?

  • #2
    I should also add we just put $7000 braces in oldest son this year while I was on EI...and now she has the other two kids going to the ortho to start their treatments and I find out only because the ortho called for my benefits information.

    I can't keep up with her spending. I need time to save for these expensive treatments. .

    Comment


    • #3
      The only 4-way meeting I would agree to is by way of binding arbitration.

      My personal experience is that 4-way meetings are a colossal waste of time and money. Of course lawyers are the ones who benefit.

      How does one get social services with a million $ in the bank?

      Comment


      • #4
        I do not know how either?

        Kinda feel like court would be the best option off the get go. I also think a 4 way meeting is going to be a waste of time.

        If she can not tell me simply in an email what sort of section 7 expenses she is claiming and wanting contribution for I could only imagine what I will be bombarded with during a meeting.

        All I have ever said was notification, consent, receipts, payment.

        She still fails to provide the notifications and back them up with receipts. Says she just hands them to her lawyer because I will decline them. I have never been given a chance to do things how the agreement says.

        This is all because I will not agree to one sport and that is hockey. She knows my stanc and also agreed in email it would never go as far as competitive she gets her settlement and bam! Here we go with competitive hockey.

        This four way meeting is her way of cornering me. Just tell me what these section 7 expenses are already so we can remedy them.

        Ugh!!!

        Comment


        • #5
          She may be getting $1500/month in child tax credit. I have 3 kids and that's my amount until July 2017.
          If you consider daycare and summer camp, $1000/child for section 7 is nothing. However if it's just for sports, it's generous.
          My young children (8, 6, 4) have about 40k in section 7 expenses, but that's mostly daycare, PA day, holiday and summer day camp (which is summer daycare).

          I've never done a 4-way meeting. Why don't you ask for the receipts via your lawyer and go from there?

          Comment


          • #6
            I just asked my lawyer for her lawyer to forward the section 7 expenses she is claiming. Problem is when will she just do this on her own instead of going through the lawyer? It is rather simple, no?

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            • #7
              It is all sports. No daycare is required. She does not work.

              Comment


              • #8
                keep in mind that most lawyers love 4-way meetings - keeps drama/conflict alive = more billable hours.

                "instruct" your lawyer, in writing, of what you wish to accomplish - follow the order... wash, rinse, repeat.....

                yes very simple.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Maybe she wants a lawyer to fight for her to claim $100 sports, which normally aren't sec 7 expenses.
                  I have mine all detailed as an appendix on my financial statement. Their dad knows the expenses are legit, but doesn't pay them......yet.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I am in between retaining a lawyer right now.

                    My current lawyer vs a new one that seems to be cut and dry and agrees my ex has not been following the order and not obtaining my consent or notifying me of expenses.

                    Think it may be worth it to jump ship.

                    Yes her lawyer will be fighting for small expenses she believe all sports are to be shared. I thought it was just extra ordinary expenses for extra curricular.

                    Correct me if I am wrong.

                    I think litigation would probably be the best bet.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It costs you both to change lawyers.
                      Why don't you send her a link that outlines sec 7 expenses? I've seen a few that are clear about what they include. Or, send an offer to settle with some fair terms, ie pay a certain amount, % of X, Y and Z. Each new activity must be agreed upon in writing. If she doesn't accept that or work with it, then file a motion.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I have outlined the section 7 and forwarded it to her.

                        She still claims that I am being difficult and all sports are to be shared.

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                        • #13
                          Personally I would let her initiate litigation if she so chooses.

                          You have instructions to your lawyer to only reimburse for items with receipts and that have been agreed upon by you. Presumably your lawyer reiterated this sometime in a letter.

                          My ex was/is peppered me continually for things. My lawyer would glance at requests and simply forward on to me. I then decided which direction to take and then instructed lawyer (if necessary). My lawyer knew he would not be paid for things that I did not approve of in regards to his actions on my behalf.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            If you have an order that states s7 expenses will be agreed to in writing in advance then she really cant do anything until she does that (and provides receipts). She wants a four way to try to make you agree. More than likely she doesnt want to go to court and is using this as a first step. Let her pull the trigger. She hasnt requested them, you cant afford them, shes chosen activities that impact your time with the kids and she hasnt provided proof of the expense. Good luck to her getting a judge to agree to take your time with the kids away AND pay for it too!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Agreement does not ask for written consent just that she has to give me reasonable notice and obtain my consent for reimbursement which has not happened.

                              Comment

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