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  • Ex moved without consulting me.

    Complex situation. Basically ex midnight moved with the kids and didn't tell me until after the move. At the same time I received very disturbing information with respect to drug use that had to be dealt with immediately. The drug test was delayed and delayed all by games on the ex's part. My question is, now that the drug test is over I need to address the move and because it was delayed so long (3 months) does this hurt me with respect to a case?

    All while this is going on we are in court with nothing but a temp order in place so far. The move greatly affects the custody schedule I have requested and will make it near impossible. Ex is claiming she had to flee from her bf and that's why she moved, I heard she was evicted!! Either way I was not consulted and now because they live further away I don't think I will be able to swing what I wanted and she knows this.

    This isn't fair.

    What do you think a judge will say regarding her move??

    The housing is less than adequate they live in the basement of her friend house and none of the children have their own room. It's not zoned to be an apartment. She move their cause we friend thinks she can save the world but really my ex just wants a babysitter.

  • #2
    You need to move on this quickly. You shouldn't have delayed for anything, not even the drug accusation. Unless she moved because of your supposed drug use, the issues are not related.

    Do you have a court order or separation agreement that provides for parenting time? If so, what is your parenting time schedule? If not, have filed a motion or are you involved in court proceedings?

    How far did she move?

    Has your usual parenting time been affected?

    Did you notify your ex immediately to inform her that you do not consent to the relocation of the children as it impacts your parenting time and that you don't believe the move to be in the children's best interests?

    Did you ex offer you anything to compensate you for any adverse affects the move may have (ie. lost parenting time being made up in the summer, that she will be responsible for the extra transportation for your parenting time or will agree to reduced cs to cover the increased costs of exercising your parenting time)?

    These are all important and will help you get advise.

    Outside of that, you need to file a motion to have the kids returned. You should've done that 3 months ago, notwithstanding any drug testing.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you for your reply I feel defeated. And I don't know what to do.



      We only have a temp order in place at this time. Visitation is week 1 Monday and Wednesday (4-830) Friday-Sunday. Week 2 Tuesday & Thursday (4-830)

      We are going back to the lawyer next week to finish up the case conference brief


      She called me to tell me about the move and I lost it. She said she is the custodial parent and can do what she pleases. She does not require my consent because she says i have no rights. She offered nothing in return infact she said I have to now do an extra hour of driving in order to see them cause she refuses to make accommodations at work to meet me half way. She says it is my responsibility to get them to and from her house.

      Unfortunately I work for a company that allows me to be flexible with my hours. Now I have to leave work extra early to ensure that I get them on time. But I don't feel I should have to make all of these accommodations.

      Comment


      • #4
        My lawyer suggested a case conference instead of a motion to see how the courts handle her move. I don't feel my lawyer is aggressive enough but she is the only one I can afford it this time.

        If I asked for the children to be returned as you stated where would they be returned to would they come to me full-time?

        Comment


        • #5
          I see that you live in Hamilton I do as well my lawyer is from Brampton and the reason she wants to do a case conference brief before the motion is because she is unfamiliar with the Hamilton courts.

          Comment


          • #6
            There are a few really good forum members here that can likely help you.

            If you are in the midst of a court battle, then you could file for a case conference. If you aren't than file a motion.

            If your lawyer is uncomfortable with the courts, get a new lawyer. I can recommend one if you require.

            Your ex is not 100% wrong. While she is allowed to move where she pleases, she cannot make a material change to the parenting schedule by relocating the kids without your previous consent or a court order.

            You have rights, but the more you sit on your hands and do nothing, the more she establishes status quo, which will eventually sink you. You need to advise your lawyer to do something NOW. Whatever they feel is appropriate, tell them to move on it.

            You will likely have to go through some negotiations with your ex. If you can't make your ordered mid-week parenting time because of the move, and it doesn't look like you will be able to get the kids returned to Hamilton, than start fighting to claw back that time by getting extra an extra weekend each month, all march breaks, 1/2 of summer etc. She doesn't get to dictate that she can move and you have to do all the driving and you lose parenting time. Hopefully you are keeping all communication with her via email so you have evidence of her position.

            How old are the kids? Are they registered in school in the new location? If they are in school, well school has started, you may already be too late to get them returned. You may need to file an emergency motion.....but give that you've already waited 3 months, a court may feel that it isn't an emergency as you waited too long. But that doesn't mean you should sit back and accept the situation if your parenting time has been negatively affected.

            Comment


            • #7
              The kids are 2 & 8. I feel like a jerk for waiting so long. Do you have any insight on exactly what I could put in an emergency motion, can I ask for the kids to be returned to me until she relocates back to Hamilton.

              If u have recommendations for a lawyer please let me know. I cannot afford a high priced go getter unfortunately. Currently my lawyer charges $150/ hour which manageable. But we are $6k in and we have nothing.

              Comment


              • #8
                We are going back to the lawyer next week to finish up the case conference brief
                You have waited three months, so the chances of the matter being deemed urgent are slim.

                You may wish to have, as a procedural order at the CC, consent to bring an urgent motion on the mobility issue if it cannot be resolved at the case conference.

                If your lawyer is not comfortable doing their job, find someone who is.

                Comment


                • #9
                  You ask for the kids to be returned to their familiar location. Whether that be with your ex so that you can resume the regular parenting schedule, or with you.

                  I would speak to Tayken or others about the emergency motion. There are others much more knowledgeable than I on that topic.

                  As for a lawyer, you lawyer is dirt cheap. When I worked at a law firm I charged that rate.....as a paralegal.... I don't know if you will find one in that range in Hamilton (likely there is, but I don't know of one). I would recommend Lauren Bale or Wesley Jamieson (you can google either). Wes will be cheaper than Lauren as Lauren is a partner, but she does do very good work and is a good person.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Currently my lawyer charges $150/ hour which manageable. But we are $6k in and we have nothing.
                    If your lawyer has spent 30 hours working on your file (150+HST+disbursements = ~200/hr), and you haven't even had a case conference or settled anything of substance, I would be curious as to where those 30 hours went.

                    Unless you are turning your lawyer's inbox into your livejournal, you should be getting results. If your money is being wasted, take it elsewhere.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Charyl View Post
                      ...
                      She called me to tell me about the move and I lost it...
                      Do not "lose it". That will not help your situation, and will look badly on you.

                      Originally posted by Charyl View Post
                      ...She said she is the custodial parent and can do what she pleases. She does not require my consent because she says i have no rights...she said I have to now do an extra hour of driving in order to see them cause she refuses to make accommodations at work to meet me half way. She says it is my responsibility to get them to and from her house...
                      Your ex will say a lot of things. Doesn't make them true, or valid. If your ex retains a lawyer for this, her lawyer will also say a lot of things on her behalf. Don't take advice from your ex, or her lawyer. Research your own rights, as you are doing now, on this forum.

                      HammerDad offers you sound advice. Get moving on this quickly.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        It's all because the X is playing games. She's the applicant in this process and she hasn't done anything. We had a case conference in February that gave us a temporary order for child support and custody which I have been following to a T. Before that she asked for a parenting agreement which we had to do up So we did and then she refused it. Then the case conference then all the back-and-forth with the lawyer about the drug use. Then we had to get a third-party and to sign an affidavit and create a motion because she kept delaying the drug test. So as soon as she got the affidavit she agreed willingly to do it and we put the motion on hold. I feel like she is delaying everything so that we spend all of our money and eventually just give her what she wants because we have nothing left

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          By lose it I mean I got angry and upset because I do not agree with where my children are. I could not control my frustration or my anger I was very upset Because throughout this whole process I am being treated like I have zero rights and zero say in my children's life.

                          How do I get a hold of tayken?

                          And thank you so much to all of you for taking the time to help me understand this whole process.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Charyl View Post
                            By lose it I mean I got angry and upset because I do not agree with where my children are. I could not control my frustration or my anger I was very upset Because throughout this whole process I am being treated like I have zero rights and zero say in my children's life.
                            Don't do this. This is why God created email. It allows you to compose yourself so you can write something absent of emotions. Move all communications to email if you haven't. Don't get sucked into conversations with the ex, as they likely won't go as you want. Keep everything civil and business like. All communication should be as if you are speaking to or emailing the judge.

                            Getting angry and yelling or otherwise being abusive will only further your issues.

                            How do I get a hold of tayken?
                            PM him. His inbox is full a lot of the time though.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Email Only. Until you have the ink dry on a final order, ANY contact with your ex contains fuzzy pink bunnies and glittering farting unicorns.

                              Re: the move....you SHOULD have acted upon it immediately. since you didn't it'll make it more difficult (not impossible, just more of a pain in the ass).

                              Is the 8 year old in school in HER NEW zone? or in the previous school?

                              In the interim, you need to at least get clarification on who does the pick ups/drop offs for access. (Does your CURRENT interim order address this?)

                              Since she unilaterally moved, your obligation on pickups/access should solely be to whatever the prior distance was. However, we all know that if she is high conflict, she's just going to refuse for now. If you have to go out of your way, then because SHE moved, the onus is on her to either faciliate the extra distance, OR to compensate YOU for it. (via reduced CS due to access costs, extra time due to the mid week visit being disrupted/etc).

                              You should kick your lawyer in the ass, and have them immediately push forward to have these things addressed.

                              In the meantime, you should be picking up your kids and using ALL your access time. I would have your lawyer send hers a message that because of the increase in times caused by her unilateral move, the access times will be extended by the two hours it's going to take for you to do transport until such time as an agreement is reached, or further order of the court. (and that you do not agree to do transport, and are requesting that SHE do at least one way)

                              Comment

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