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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 09-11-2009, 01:31 PM
lumpy lumpy is offline
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My husband has had joint custody of his 2 hildren for 8 years (10 & 8yrs old). He has had them physically for 60-70% of the time... until the children's mother got on the day shift at her work about a year ago. She immediately requested sole custody. She also requested the office of the children's lawyer to study our case. We were thrilled.
At the Office of the Children's Lawyer's disclosure meeting he found that the children are happy, well adjusted and love both of their parents and step-mom. He found that they do well in school and that the mom & dad have done a fantastic job of sharing custody for 8 years. He did find that there are a few problems with the mother's home - no bedtimes, eat out almost every meal (children have a weight issue due to food at mom's) and have popcorn and cake for breakfast. She had also been bribing the children by saying that every day that they stay at her house she would buy them a new toy. The Office of the Children's Lawyer stated that it is crucial for their father to keep his 50 % of the time with the children. The only thing that he said should change would be the schedule - from day on day off (and every other weekend) to week on week off. The mother has repeatedly said to to both my husband and the children when they have asked for this schedule. Her lawyer advised her to try the week about shcedule.
My husband told the children that we would be starting the new schedule soon. They asked if it could be started immediately. He called their mom to see if that would work for her. She said absolutely not. What can we do at this point to get her to try the suggestions that the Office of the Children's Lawyer have made?
Instead of following recommendations we are getting more letters of complaint about triavial things from her lawyer.... which we answer and it costs too much money to keep on defending something that shouldn't need defending.
Does anyone know what our options are?
  #2  
Old 09-11-2009, 03:42 PM
anonymousmom anonymousmom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lumpy View Post
My husband has had joint custody of his 2 hildren for 8 years (10 & 8yrs old). He has had them physically for 60-70% of the time... until the children's mother got on the day shift at her work about a year ago. She immediately requested sole custody. She also requested the office of the children's lawyer to study our case. We were thrilled.
At the Office of the Children's Lawyer's disclosure meeting he found that the children are happy, well adjusted and love both of their parents and step-mom. He found that they do well in school and that the mom & dad have done a fantastic job of sharing custody for 8 years. He did find that there are a few problems with the mother's home - no bedtimes, eat out almost every meal (children have a weight issue due to food at mom's) and have popcorn and cake for breakfast. She had also been bribing the children by saying that every day that they stay at her house she would buy them a new toy. The Office of the Children's Lawyer stated that it is crucial for their father to keep his 50 % of the time with the children. The only thing that he said should change would be the schedule - from day on day off (and every other weekend) to week on week off. The mother has repeatedly said to to both my husband and the children when they have asked for this schedule. Her lawyer advised her to try the week about shcedule.
My husband told the children that we would be starting the new schedule soon. They asked if it could be started immediately. He called their mom to see if that would work for her. She said absolutely not. What can we do at this point to get her to try the suggestions that the Office of the Children's Lawyer have made?
Instead of following recommendations we are getting more letters of complaint about triavial things from her lawyer.... which we answer and it costs too much money to keep on defending something that shouldn't need defending.
Does anyone know what our options are?
ditch the lawyer and represent yourselves and petition the court to make an order for custody to stay as it is so as not to upset the status quo. the longer the lawyers stay involved the longer this will drag out in court.

the ball is in your court considering he's been the primary parent to the children for so long.
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Old 09-11-2009, 04:06 PM
lumpy lumpy is offline
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Thanks - already pretty much decided to ditch the lawyer, just a little scary when its about your kids. I am new to all of this - can you petition the court to keep the shared 50/50 custody and change it to week about? At the moment they don't have a schedule in writing - but it has been day on/day off for years. So my husband can't change it without her agreement.
(:
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Old 09-11-2009, 04:14 PM
anonymousmom anonymousmom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lumpy View Post
Thanks - already pretty much decided to ditch the lawyer, just a little scary when its about your kids. I am new to all of this - can you petition the court to keep the shared 50/50 custody and change it to week about? At the moment they don't have a schedule in writing - but it has been day on/day off for years. So my husband can't change it without her agreement.
(:
Once you stand in front of a judge and he/she is making the decisions, it up to them not the ex.

just include it in your motion and one of the things you wish them to order and it will be considered.

At least this way its in writing and registered with the courts.
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Old 09-11-2009, 06:05 PM
representingself representingself is offline
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Lawyers LOVE it when they can get both parties bickering over trivial stuff... as long as they can keep you fighting, they keep making the big bucks.

Answering these trivial complaints costs ridiculous amounts of money, and your Lawyer is an a** for allowing it.

Common sense tells me that having the children bounce around less, is better for them, so I can't see why a Judge would rule against it. You aren't asking for more, just more balanced and stable.....

Bring forward a Motion to make the changes as soon as possible. The faster this gets settled, the happier the children will be .

Good Luck
  #6  
Old 09-11-2009, 07:32 PM
epinecone epinecone is offline
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Good Adivce representingself,

I know the thought of not having a lawyer has been terrifying to me.. But after several court apperances the thought of another year of legal fees is more terrifying ;-)

Lumpy - my lawyer has told me that even simple changes to the schedule can open up larger issues.. But after alot of what I have seen I wonder if she is not just trying to keep me terrified so that I will keep draining my kids future into her bank account..
  #7  
Old 09-14-2009, 10:00 AM
lumpy lumpy is offline
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Made a few decisions this weekend - firing the lawyer and filing a motion to ammend the custody agreement to week about.
Quick question... to file a motion with the court yourself do you go to the courthouse to get all of the necessary paperwork?
thanks... feeling a bit less stressed!
  #8  
Old 09-14-2009, 11:43 AM
representingself representingself is offline
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You can get all of the forms online (in Ontario) at

www.ontariocourtforms.on.ca

  #9  
Old 09-20-2009, 09:52 PM
Stargate Stargate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lumpy View Post
Made a few decisions this weekend - firing the lawyer and filing a motion to ammend the custody agreement to week about.
Quick question... to file a motion with the court yourself do you go to the courthouse to get all of the necessary paperwork?
thanks... feeling a bit less stressed!
The Motion's Judge will most likely order whatever the Office of the Children's Lawyer recommended in his/her report so if you're going to file a Motion with the Court make sure it is in line with what the OCL recommended.

You'll have to go to the court house in order to file a Motion. Before you do you'll have to have your Affidavit sworn (use Duty Counsel at the court house) and then have the Motion and Affidavit served on the other party. The clerk at the courthouse will require proof that your Motion has been sworn and served on the other party (fax transmittal receipt or other party's signature if you have it couriered) before he/she can file it with the Court.
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