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S12 wants to live with me most of the time

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  • #16
    I don't know what the situation is that has led S12 to not want to live with his mother at all, but from what you've said, I think a very important role for you to play in this situation is to make sure that he doesn't lose contact with his mother altogether. If he does come to live with you, I strongly recommend you tell him that he is going to spend EOW with his mother (or go to some regular activity with her, or something like that). Don't "encourage" him to spend time with his mother - TELL him that this is going to happen. At 12, he is still young enough that you can set these conditions for him and help salvage something of his relationship with his mother. Sometimes the most difficult thing we have to do as divorced parents is to facilitate our kids' relationship with the other parent.

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    • #17
      Don't trouble yourself over his disinterest in spending time with ex especially since she has been selfish enough to say "I am not changing for you"

      A classic self biatch answer... to give to a kid you are dragging through a divorce.

      Enjoy your time with S12.

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      • #18
        I told my 20 year old son when he was kicked out of his mother's place and moved into mine that he must maintain some kind of relationship with her, and he is an adult. I did suggest that it was up to him as to what that relationship would be.

        In the case of a 12 year old, there needs to be something more formal, specific times etc.

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        • #19
          I'm struggling with this situation still. He's been full-time with me now a year (legally and agreed to). In the past year he's spent about 8 weekends with his mom, max. That doesn't include a 3 week trip out east with her to visit relatives where he had very little interaction with her. She has told us both several times that she feels it is "up to him" who he lives with and whether or not he spends his EOW with her. He texts her the day before and says "I'm not going to your place this weekend" and her reply is "Ok". Our most recent interim agreement stated she would exercise her access rights to him EOW. When she tried to get out of a weekend with him I reminded her of this agreement point and she had no idea it was even in there (obviously her lawyer out it in and she hadn't bothered to read it past the $$ signs). I encourage it and I've enforced it but I gotta wonder what's best for him - letting him be happy in an environment he likes or force him to hang out with someone who doesn't seem to really care or want to exercise that right. 6 months ago she setup a twice a week lunch date (as she works close to his school). That disappeared about a week later - she or he'd forget. She makes very little effort to contact him and does nothing to encourage him visiting her. I'm tired of being the middle man in this.

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          • #20
            Both of you move on forget her

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