Tweet
2.5 years separated, almost 1 year divorced. Separation agreement in effect for 1.5 yrs and she follows it how she pleases. She is partially diagnosed mentally ill (always backs out right before an official diagnosis) and we share 50/50 custody/access with the kids. Everything is a fight. She emails/texts constantly and escalates everything. Calls police/CAS/etc with no merit. Constantly stirring up trouble and it's affecting my kids. We have to "mediate" first as per our agreement. My question is, how hard is it to change to a sole custody parent with some access to the other parent or sole custody to make all decision but keep shared parenting similar? Can't make ANY decisions with shared parenting b/c she is unwell and it's either her way or no way. Would love to hear your thoughts.
-
-
I think you would need very solid documentation that you're unable to make decisions together, and the problem is her. What you've presented here doesn't seem to me to rise to the point where you could say it's impossible to share decision-making (custody) so all decision-making powers should rest with one parent. A diagnosis of mental illness by itself means nothing - lots of people with mental health issues (depression, anxiety, etc) are able to parent. Same with the emailing and texting - it's really annoying, but it doesn't speak to her parenting abilities.
The one substantive thing from what you've said here, which speaks directly to her ability to co-parent, is her calls to police and CAS, presumably because she has some issue with your parenting. Do you have documentation of these incidents, including repeated findings that there was nothing wrong? This might be used as evidence that she will not co-operate with you, if she goes nuclear whenever there's something going on with the kids that she doesn't like.
Without any specifics other than what's in your post, it sounds like you have a PITA ex, but unfortunately not grounds for changing a custody order to remove her custody. But I could be wrong. -
Maybe moving toward a parallel parenting model? That way you are not stepping on each others toes. It would define what each of you is supposed to be in charge of and what you are supposed to not be in charge of when it comes to the children.
EG one of you makes decisions on school and the other on health care.
Just because you cannot work together does not mean that cannot coparent in a 50/50 split.
Keep your chin up though and make sure your home is a safe haven for the children where they do not have to worry about the stuff at the other house. They need stability and love, its the one thing that you can give them for sure.
Then document everything, every phone call and every email and txt and conversation with your ex to be able to prove that she is unwilling to work or be civil.Comment
-
Hi Everyone,
Thank you for the replies. There is much more I could share but it's too specific and I wouldn't want to put it out in the public. I'm curious, how does one get records from the CAS? How does one get records from the police that someone has called to complain about you but the police have never actually followed up with you?
Also, what is a parallel parenting model? I'm curious what that looks like.
Thanks in advance.Comment
-
Call or visit your local police station and request the incident file number. If there is no file number then there likely was no complaint.
Many posters have had to endure what you are going through. One common denominator seems to be to limit communication with ex unless it involves welfare of children and then you only do it on email, never text.
It is probably important to send her a registered letter indicating that you will not respond to text messages and will only respond to emails regarding information pertaining to the minor children. Other posters will have more specific advice in this area.Comment
-
Vocalfather, I would urge caution on the "mental illness" issue. One isn't partially diagnosed. They have a diagnosis or they do not. It may not be the right diagnosis, but you either have one or you do not. Don't make an allegation in court that a doctor can't back up. I say this having dealt with mental illness with my ex, and now my son.Originally posted by vocalfather View Post
Diagnosis or not, you can hold her accountable for her actions. Make a diary of every incident. When the police contact you, make notes of the officers badge numbers and names. Ask them if they will be filing a report.
There are other discussions here about CAS here, you can find them with the search function.Comment
-
Thank you for the replies. DowntroddenDad, I hear your caution. Everytime she gets to "diagnosis" she backs off. It's a repetitive cycle. Severe depression/anxiety has been but the furtherance of that she stays away. If this ever went back to court I'd insist on a psych evaluation. I diarize everything and have kept all interactions. As for CAS, there is so much information on here but still unsure re: getting the file.Comment
-
You do realize if she does get diagnosed, she may able to be claim she is disabled and unable to work.Originally posted by vocalfather View Post
My ex tried to make that claim. I responded that if she was truly disabled she should be able to make a claim for ODSP, which she didn't do.....Comment
-
To be honest, I would be fine with that. She's basically playing that card right now anyways. My biggest concern is the safety, wellbeing and stability of my kids.Comment
-
A diagnosis wouldn't necessarily have an impact on access, depending on the findings. Some parents do fine when they are medicated, others not so much.Originally posted by vocalfather View PostComment
-
-
FB, I've actually read your other posts. Sounds like we share a very similar story. Keep your distance...I let my guard down and I'm paying for it now. You can't afford to be their "friend" or play nice. They feed off it.Comment
Comment