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  • #16
    Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
    Kitchner my husband and I are at point of desperation trying to make her see and undestand and failing because all she can see is what she WANTSand not what the kids NEED. This woman "mom" refuses to take anyhting less than an equal split 50/50...60/40 even though she moved 100 km ...her latest offer is she gets the daughter EVERY weekend...no way is that fair...what about the daughters life with her extended family...and she makes the comment....

    "When you offer me scheduals that wouldnt work around a regular work schedual, its very hard for me to find a fulltime job that would work around the schedual and would cause me to have our daughter with childcare."

    I honestly think her attempts to settle are genune but I swear there has had to have been like 50 or more offers to settle since she moved. I want to curl up in a hole.
    I live 80km from my ex and I totally hear you on the every weekend thing. We did it for a while before settlement where my kids were at their mum's every weekend and it was awful. Nevermind extended family but barbeques, camping, extra curicular activities all went out the window and my eldest son used to ball his eyes out and ask why he couldn't see me on the weekend. It broke my heart. Don't do it. Reject that offer and explain to her why. She may not have thought all of that stuff through.

    I'm not actually sure what judges normally suggest for access when distance is involved. Anyone care to comment on that?

    I'd be interested to know as well because my current arrangement with the ex clearly isn't working out either.

    Don't curl up in a hole CSM. Keep being strong as you are on the right path and you know in your heart you are doing what is right.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      I am on the other side of this. I love and will only communicate by it. I intend on using my ex's emails against her as she loves her double standards and putting me down.

      Plus, it is better then speaking to her.....god there are days where the sound of her voice just makes me shutter.....
      Hear hear!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by rustedinnocence View Post
        so, you called her a name... a one time thing.... it's not like she can prove it is routine behaviour for you....
        AND did she not turn around and threaten you? (with using it against you) AND is threatening not doing the exact thing she is accusing you of doing... ***not setting a good example of a primary parent***
        A one time thing will not hurt you.
        Make a rule for yourself, after reading her emails, give it 24hrs before you respond.. that gives you a night to sleep on it and be fresh when you do write back.... Let her know she's pushed a button, and she'll keep trying to push it again and again and again.... plus, if she's like most people, the making her wait for a response will irk her in and of itself...
        Take a breath and relax, really, it's not so bad.
        Good advice RI. Unfortunately in the years leading up to this I certainly did not restrain myself and was all too happy to have a good email battle with the ex - flavoured with all the colourful language the imagination would allow. Whats done is done though and for the past year it has been very one-sided with her doing most of the threatening. And you're right - it drives her crazy when I don't respond.

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        • #19
          Okay I know this startd out as a thread about Emails.... I have an unrelated question....Another twist....My husband calls FRO to find out if payment has been made for the kids, because we are hurting and have bills to pay etc...only to find out that FRO syays she is only working casual in two places, that she is not getting enough shifts to cover support as well as they have sent her employer severla letters of garnismnet in which they have not returned, so now on top of everything else she is NO longer paying support, what are we supposed to do?

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          • #20
            If there is a court order and FRO is garnishing but there is now noting to garnish can she be held in contempt?

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            • #21
              And sorry if I rained on your parade Kitchner

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              • #22
                Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
                And sorry if I rained on your parade Kitchner
                No parade, therefore no rain.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by HammerDad View Post

                  Be clear that, while you are willing to negotiate, that you have boundaries on what is negotiable and you are basing your decisions on what you believe to be the childs best interests.
                  Exacalacaly.

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                  • #24
                    I sent one email to my ex that was very to the point. Too much so. She used that email when we were in court dealing with trial costs. Because what I said in the email, I was only awarded half my trial fees. It was a very costly mistake, and she used that email in nearly every one of her affidavits for the next 2 years.

                    I finally was able to put that email behind us when I submitted all 8 pages of the email exchange, and our judge actually read them and understood from the context of the emails what I said and why. He told her he had seen enough of her one sided emails to know that I had made a stupid mistake, and that he could see that she was just baiting me.

                    All my emails since have been short and just about the kids. When she sends me emails that she hopes will upset me, I reply: Thank you for your email however your accusations are inaccurate. Or something similar. It has stopped her emails almost completely.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by rwm1273 View Post
                      I sent one email to my ex that was very to the point. Too much so. She used that email when we were in court dealing with trial costs. Because what I said in the email, I was only awarded half my trial fees. It was a very costly mistake, and she used that email in nearly every one of her affidavits for the next 2 years.
                      Good thing he won't make a mistake like that.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by rwm1273 View Post
                        I sent one email to my ex that was very to the point. Too much so. She used that email when we were in court dealing with trial costs. Because what I said in the email, I was only awarded half my trial fees. It was a very costly mistake, and she used that email in nearly every one of her affidavits for the next 2 years.
                        you got me curious,,,,,, what could you have possibly wrote that haunted you that long........

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                        • #27
                          She was not letting me see my kids, and was having her sister baby sit them when she went out to the bar every night.

                          Her sister had 3 of her kids removed from her care, and had numerous arrests for prostitution. My ex ended up getting pregnant, and had no boyfriend, and she claimed she didn't know who the father was when she was questioned about child support in court.

                          So after her abusing me in the email and her telling me that she would never let me see the kids overnight and never on a weekend, I told her that I was upset that she would rather have "your whore of a sister watch the kids so you could go to the bar every night and be a slut." At the time my access was 5 days a week, and weekends as the parents agreed when I was in town.

                          I would also like to add that this was about 2 months after I was widowed, and was still in mourning, and 3 years into our divorce, and 6 months after trial, which she still was not following the court order.

                          At the hearing about the trial fees, the judge made a very clear order granting me 21 days out of my 24 days when I was in Canada. ( I worked 56/28 days, but lost time traveling) At the hearing when the judge read all of the email, I was awarded 36 out of my 42 days leave when I was in Canada.( I worked 6/6 weeks, and traveled on company time)
                          Last edited by rwm1273; 10-07-2010, 11:22 PM.

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                          • #28
                            Thanks. Just when you thought you had it bad there's other's that have been in a worse situation and makes one realize how lucky they really are.

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                            • #29
                              So you were only awarded half your trial fees as a result of that indiscretion (that you vigorously justified).

                              Good thing it didn't affect your custody/access, I hope.

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                              • #30
                                Actually I apologized in court. Our judge knew my ex's behavior.

                                I have custody of my kids now.

                                As a matter of fact, I had a parent teacher meeting today, and my daughter's therapist at school had told me that he is very impressed with how much happier and better she is doing. He had not seen her for over 2 years, and I have had custody for 2 years.

                                Ex has not had much luck in court, and had resorted to using Child and Family Services to try to get the kids back. 5 months later, they have since written me a letter contradicting everything in my ex's last affidavit. Since then my ex has been very nice to me, and has actually been helping with my kid's school work when she has access. But from previous experience, I know when she is nice, it is because she is looking for some place to stick the knife in.

                                Comment

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