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  • Shared Custody and daily living expenses

    I am currently in a battle with my ex with regards to child support amounts. We have our children 50/50 it is a shared custody arrangement. We used the set-off approach to determine the child support amount as we both make a high income. I am the higher income earner and pay approx.. 2K a month to her at the end of it all. On top of that we also split child care and activities like swimming and piano. She claims that I also need to pay half of school supplies, clothes, boots, school bags etc.. since they will be with me 50%. She claims that I need to provide those daily living expenses when they are on my 50% time. For example I paid half of camp fees this summer, so now I am expected pay half of all their camp accessories. I am fine with this, it is a small expense but wait a minute!! Haven’t I just equalized the households by paying a large sum to her? Now I have to buy extra on top of this?? Should she not be using the money I give her for this?

    I tried to search the internet for legal wording on shared custody with regards to daily expenses but could not find any exact cases or articles. If she is correct, then what exactly am I paying for?<O</O

  • #2
    In my case of 50/50 school supplies are split 50/50.

    We have 2 kids so she buys the school supplies for my daughter and I buy the school supplies for my son.

    Here are a list of items that we split 50/50 (not proportional)

    Boots (Rain/Winter)
    Hats / Mitts / Scarfs
    Jackets
    Snowsuits
    School Bags
    Lunch Pales
    Sports Equipment (Hockey / Soccer /

    Basically anything that we both get to use and it's not suitable to have two of.

    EDIT:

    Yes you have equalized which is why these expenses are paid 50/50 not proportional. Therefore you each pay equally. She pays more than her income because you have equalized her income with your offset CS. You pay less than your proportional share because you have equalized income with your offset CS.

    This is how I see it.

    Comment


    • #3
      Okay. So I guess she is correct in her assumptions. with my shared custody situation, I pay her child support and on top of that I still have to pay 50% of school supplies, clothing and accessories etc...

      Comment


      • #4
        Pretty much. It feels crummy because then you get the sense that you are paying twice, but you really aren't. One equalizes the income, and then the other involves you paying equally for shared resources for the kids, something that can be done equally since you have equalized your incomes.

        You've got your kids 50% of the time, and although you both make good money, you make so much more than her that she gets $2,000. That's incredible stuff, really. It means that you have two lucky kids that are very well provided for, AND get to be with their parent both of the time.

        Honestly, you're in a good place. Don't sweat the small stuff.

        Comment


        • #5
          Yes, very lucky to have 2 such wonderful kids. The shared parenting gives these kids an extra benefit too. Since each parent gets them Every other weekend. Their summer is always scheduled with a fun filled weekend trip. My 11 year old says she is luckier than her friends whose parents are still married because they only get to go places a couple of times a month. For my kids it's every weekend trip with mom or dad this summer. My 8 year old said to me the past weekend "Daddy I love my life, I am always doing something fun lol!" such a funny comment for a kid coming from a divorce.

          Believe me I'm not complaining my kids are worth every penny. What is annoying is my ex makes a six digit figure, plus receives 2,000 a month tax free. So when you start asking me for my $10 share for a napsack...starts to get really unfair and annoying...just my 2 cents!..:-( I guess I need to expect that regardless of all the money she brings in, I will be nickel and dimed for the rest of my time paying support.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by mcj2012 View Post
            Yes, very lucky to have 2 such wonderful kids. The shared parenting gives these kids an extra benefit too. Since each parent gets them Every other weekend. Their summer is always scheduled with a fun filled weekend trip. My 11 year old says she is luckier than her friends whose parents are still married because they only get to go places a couple of times a month. For my kids it's every weekend trip with mom or dad this summer. My 8 year old said to me the past weekend "Daddy I love my life, I am always doing something fun lol!" such a funny comment for a kid coming from a divorce.

            Believe me I'm not complaining my kids are worth every penny. What is annoying is my ex makes a six digit figure, plus receives 2,000 a month tax free. So when you start asking me for my $10 share for a napsack...starts to get really unfair and annoying...just my 2 cents!..:-( I guess I need to expect that regardless of all the money she brings in, I will be nickel and dimed for the rest of my time paying support.
            unfair...not really... Annoying... probably, especially at those income levels

            You could just agree that you buy one kids stuff and she buys other kids stuff

            EDIT: Have you considered a joint spreadsheet on google docs or something and then just equalize at the end of the year?

            Comment


            • #7
              I have 50/50 and am paying the offset as well but I do not pay 50% of all costs related to our kids.

              We split the following 50/50
              - any costs associated with school such as fees, school trips, etc.;
              - extracurricular activities (sports);

              We do not split the costs of day-to-day clothing since our kids need enough clothes at each home for a week at a time; we alternate purchasing/costs of winter clothing - coats, snow pants and boots, but not hats, mits or scarves since they need more than one item at each household; we alternate purchasing/costs of school supplies such as backpacks, etc.

              I would not agree to pay half for everything child related (no limits) unless I had a say in the amount of money spent or we agreed on a monthly amount (budget) where we each contributed 50%.

              If I could do it over this is what I would have done in the beginning - monthly budget that we split 50/50.
              Last edited by first timer; 07-29-2014, 11:56 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Straittohell View Post
                Pretty much. It feels crummy because then you get the sense that you are paying twice, but you really aren't. One equalizes the income, and then the other involves you paying equally for shared resources for the kids, something that can be done equally since you have equalized your incomes.

                You've got your kids 50% of the time, and although you both make good money, you make so much more than her that she gets $2,000. That's incredible stuff, really. It means that you have two lucky kids that are very well provided for, AND get to be with their parent both of the time.

                Honestly, you're in a good place. Don't sweat the small stuff.
                Steady now.....The defacto standard should be 50-50 in the absence of any violence/drugs/alcohol/abuse. Some States in the US and round the world already have that, so it's a moot point. Failure to agree to this is just being high conflict / spiteful / money grab

                Next...you don't know exactly how much the OP earns, and you are forgetting that they also have the kids 50% of the time, and that the ex earns 6 figures, as well as receiving 2k a month

                "In a good place"? Hmmm, there could be a joint debt that the OP has decided to take on, regardless they are 2k short each month.

                OP....I urge you to look up what according to the child support guidelines, what extracurricular and special expenses sect.7 covers...i.e. the long list of things, and send a copy to your ex.

                Most people in your shoes, buy their own clothes for the kids and keep it at their place, and that includes toys, gadgets, bikes, shoes etc

                When exchanges happen, the previous clothes the kid(s) had on, accompanies them in a ziplock bag...no harm no foul

                If you have the kid during your time and something comes from school needing 5-under 50 dollars, pointless chasing the other party for half really.

                You need to get things in order otherwise this can get messy

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by childfocused View Post
                  Steady now.....The defacto standard should be 50-50 in the absence of any violence/drugs/alcohol/abuse. Some States in the US and round the world already have that, so it's a moot point. Failure to agree to this is just being high conflict / spiteful / money grab

                  Next...you don't know exactly how much the OP earns, and you are forgetting that they also have the kids 50% of the time, and that the ex earns 6 figures, as well as receiving 2k a month

                  "In a good place"? Hmmm, there could be a joint debt that the OP has decided to take on, regardless they are 2k short each month.

                  OP....I urge you to look up what according to the child support guidelines, what extracurricular and special expenses sect.7 covers...i.e. the long list of things, and send a copy to your ex.

                  Most people in your shoes, buy their own clothes for the kids and keep it at their place, and that includes toys, gadgets, bikes, shoes etc

                  When exchanges happen, the previous clothes the kid(s) had on, accompanies them in a ziplock bag...no harm no foul

                  If you have the kid during your time and something comes from school needing 5-under 50 dollars, pointless chasing the other party for half really.

                  You need to get things in order otherwise this can get messy
                  The Child Support guidelines are written more for situation where one parent has more than 60% of the time. They are not very clear when it comes to 50/50 situations.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm in a similar situation (50/50, net payor to an ex with a six figure income). I agree that it's petty for your ex to be chasing you about $5 and $10 expenses, but I also agree with the posters above that it's not unfair. Someone has already mentioned setting up a spreadsheet for thse things so you only do equalization once or twice a year, another possibility is that you could take on more of the purchasing of school supplies, etc, so that the differential in spending between the two households decreases.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Still not convinced that any of this is fair. I just found out from the kids that they will be spending their week vacation starting this weekend at their new cottage…huh!!! I think my son said "large with 2 seadoos!!" Wow must be nice. Yes I can see how my ex can afford a second home, she not only makes six digits but she also gets an extra 2K tax free income from me + half of daycare + half all kids expenses no matter what they are. While I am the higher income earner, I normally could buy a 2nd home for my vacations, but unfortunately I cannot as I have an extra 2K debt every month on top of all my usual bills…so nope can’t give the kids that luxury on my side. So whoever said I was in a good place not so sure…actually she is in a GREAT PLACE. Because I assure you, she has more than enough money to take care of the children if I were to leave this earth tomorrow. The 2K she gets from me a month me is just play money now (since I left her the home when we separated with no financial compensation…so she probably has very little mortgage now..I know dumb move on my part, but did it to avoid the fight and to keep my kids in a familiar place).

                      <ONot to mention that I have 2 new youngin's with my current wife. (okay I will wait for those who will tell me...too bad for you that you decided to have 2 more kids, so don't complain that you have more expense. yes I have heard these mean spirited comments) At the end of the day, I am happy I have these great kids and I would not change a thing. I work hard for them and I am just looking for some fairness in it all. So at the end of the day when you ask me for 10 or 15 dollars for boots and books…yes very annoying.

                      <OAnyway, getting nowhere complaining I suppose, so I will just ask a question instead. Does anyone who has shared custody split their monthly medical insurance premiums? Also, anyone with shared custody get the monthly child tax benefit per month (maybe my income is too high

                      I know I am probably becoming petty myself, but I am in the process of going to court so I am trying to find information on these small items.

                      <OThanks all for your input!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by mcj2012 View Post
                        Still not convinced that any of this is fair. I just found out from the kids that they will be spending their week vacation starting this weekend at their new cottage…huh!!! I think my son said "large with 2 seadoos!!" Wow must be nice. Yes I can see how my ex can afford a second home, she not only makes six digits but she also gets an extra 2K tax free income from me + half of daycare + half all kids expenses no matter what they are. While I am the higher income earner, I normally could buy a 2nd home for my vacations, but unfortunately I cannot as I have an extra 2K debt every month on top of all my usual bills…so nope can’t give the kids that luxury on my side. So whoever said I was in a good place not so sure…actually she is in a GREAT PLACE. Because I assure you, she has more than enough money to take care of the children if I were to leave this earth tomorrow. The 2K she gets from me a month me is just play money now (since I left her the home when we separated with no financial compensation…so she probably has very little mortgage now..I know dumb move on my part, but did it to avoid the fight and to keep my kids in a familiar place).

                        <ONot to mention that I have 2 new youngin's with my current wife. (okay I will wait for those who will tell me...too bad for you that you decided to have 2 more kids, so don't complain that you have more expense. yes I have heard these mean spirited comments) At the end of the day, I am happy I have these great kids and I would not change a thing. I work hard for them and I am just looking for some fairness in it all. So at the end of the day when you ask me for 10 or 15 dollars for boots and books…yes very annoying.

                        <OAnyway, getting nowhere complaining I suppose, so I will just ask a question instead. Does anyone who has shared custody split their monthly medical insurance premiums? Also, anyone with shared custody get the monthly child tax benefit per month (maybe my income is too high

                        I know I am probably becoming petty myself, but I am in the process of going to court so I am trying to find information on these small items.

                        <OThanks all for your input!
                        I don't think most of us can comprehend the amount of money you are talking about.


                        I did some math just to see what kind of numbers we are talking about here.

                        6 digits - min 100,000 income = $1416 / month in her child support
                        In order to get a $2000 difference your's would have to be $275,000 ($3437)

                        That would make her income $124,000 (portion tax free) and your's $251,000

                        Anyway I don't see how you wouldn't be able to afford a cottage if she can... Although your other expenses might be the reason why.

                        If any of this is totally wrong my apologies...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by mcj2012 View Post
                          Still not convinced that any of this is fair. I just found out from the kids that they will be spending their week vacation starting this weekend at their new cottage…huh!!! I think my son said "large with 2 seadoos!!" Wow must be nice. Yes I can see how my ex can afford a second home, she not only makes six digits but she also gets an extra 2K tax free income from me + half of daycare + half all kids expenses no matter what they are. While I am the higher income earner, I normally could buy a 2nd home for my vacations, but unfortunately I cannot as I have an extra 2K debt every month on top of all my usual bills…so nope can’t give the kids that luxury on my side. So whoever said I was in a good place not so sure…actually she is in a GREAT PLACE. Because I assure you, she has more than enough money to take care of the children if I were to leave this earth tomorrow. The 2K she gets from me a month me is just play money now (since I left her the home when we separated with no financial compensation…so she probably has very little mortgage now..I know dumb move on my part, but did it to avoid the fight and to keep my kids in a familiar place).

                          <ONot to mention that I have 2 new youngin's with my current wife. (okay I will wait for those who will tell me...too bad for you that you decided to have 2 more kids, so don't complain that you have more expense. yes I have heard these mean spirited comments) At the end of the day, I am happy I have these great kids and I would not change a thing. I work hard for them and I am just looking for some fairness in it all. So at the end of the day when you ask me for 10 or 15 dollars for boots and books…yes very annoying.

                          <OAnyway, getting nowhere complaining I suppose, so I will just ask a question instead. Does anyone who has shared custody split their monthly medical insurance premiums? Also, anyone with shared custody get the monthly child tax benefit per month (maybe my income is too high

                          I know I am probably becoming petty myself, but I am in the process of going to court so I am trying to find information on these small items.

                          <OThanks all for your input!
                          To answer your other questions

                          The cost of medical benefits for the kids only is S7 and split proportionate to income. Although I don't get this from my ex

                          I get 50% of my CCTB which amounts to $52.00 / month and I do NOT make 6 digits.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Medical insurance premiums? What kinds? What amounts?

                            If you and your ex make as much money as you say, neither of you will see much in the way of the child tax benefit. However, if you have two kids, you can each claim one child as a dependent.

                            You're not foolish starting a new family, you clearly value family life and made decisions around your values. Not going to fault you for that.

                            I will, however, confirm that your issues with the child support that you give your wife seem to be due to the strains of starting a new family and having given her the house without offset. If you didn't have those two factors, the $2,000 that you give her per month wouldn't hurt as much, and therefore wouldn't cause you to feel poked by $10 here, $15 there, etc.

                            Your kids are definitely getting spoiled by her, and it is quite likely subsidized by that child support that you give her. I would be galled by it as well. However, you have given your kids the intangible gift of a two young siblings that will likely enrich their lives for years to come. Your ex has a cool cottage with toys, and you have new kids. Nothing wrong with that, it just happens to be where you prioritized. If you're going to priortize like that, you may as well grin and bear that it leaves you with less money for luxuries.

                            If you are not claiming one of your kids as a dependent, you are losing a good chunk of change.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              wow FB you're good! lol...you are very very close..are you an accountant? The reason I cannot do a cottage is I had to start my life from scratch as I gave her the home. The guilt of destroying my family overcame me and I let her have it without any financial compensation. The home was almost paid for. so I let her live in a 3,000 sq ft home and I went into a small town house. We continued shared custody but when I met my new wife I had more kids so now I have a larger home with a larger mortgage which I am trying to pay down as I lost my equity in my home with my ex. I forgot to mention that I also pay RESP for all the kids while my wife is on mat leave for the one. So yes my expenses are quite high so cottage is far from reach maybe 5 or so years from now. I have to say I am 100% happier than I have ever been, so maybe no price tag to that..:-).

                              Comment

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