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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 07-01-2018, 12:55 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Default Scheduling activities on other parents time

I am finding it difficult to find activities for kids to participate in that don't fall on ex's every other weekend. Does ex have a right to refuse kids participation because it infringes on his parenting time? Or is it Best Interest of the Children that they participate in activities that both parents are responsible to take on their respective weekends.

Any suggestion on reaching a happy medium?
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Old 07-01-2018, 04:21 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is online now
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Your ex can legally do whatever he wants with the kids on his parenting time. That being said, refusing to take them to activities may not be in their best interests but is his prerogative. From what I have read your ex can be rather difficult to deal with. If there is any way you can talk about this with him that would be best. Perhaps you can ask him to choose an activity and tell him you will go along with whatever he chooses. You might need to do this to give him the feeling of having some control or say. Otherwise youll just have to pick an activity that only falls on your parenting time
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Old 07-01-2018, 05:04 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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I really want to get S3 in swimming lessons. I feel its a life skill all children should have for safety reasons. Its just tough finding something during the week night evenings for his age group. Ex doesn't have a problem with him taking the lessons, as long as its on my time and dime I could still sign him up and he could do the every other Saturday but I would still have to pay for the Saturdays missed.

Yes, my ex can be difficult especially when it comes to access and he holds it against me imo. Had we gone with his access schedule the kids would be with me every Saturday and we wouldn't have this issue. So somehow this is all my fault
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Old 07-01-2018, 06:11 PM
mom22girls mom22girls is offline
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In my experience its best if the kids say dad, I want to do ________, but at three that may not be possible.

In my area swimming is cheap enough that if we miss half the lessons its not a big deal. At three, in opinion, the lessons are mostly about getting comfortable in the water, learning how to put your face in, float. Those are easily taught at any pool on your own time too.


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Old 07-01-2018, 10:57 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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This will become a bigger issue as your kids grow up. Like other have said at three the lessons are about ease in water, not really about swimming and generally they are not that expensive, so I would still sign up child and take them when I can and if ex refuses there isnt much you can do about it. I would, more likely do in your case, is either find summer lessons which are generally either every day for 1 week or every day for two weeks, or a weekly lesson in the fall/winter/spring that is on a week day. I wouldnt want to pay for lessons that I know child will miss half of them.

But as your child gets older you are going to be hard pressed to find activities that occur solely on weekdays. There will be a tournament, or a special girl guide cooking selling day, and lots of birthday parties, or what have you on weekends. by then your child will be old enough to say they want to go and resentful when they cant, and they soon be more resentful when they cant go just because parent doesnt feel like it, vs. because of actual reason they cant go because of a family event or something. so your ex will either soon learn to take child, or live with a resentful child.

But no you cant make your ex take child to swimming lessons
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Old 07-02-2018, 06:04 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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For what its worth... my husbands ex was adamant they have in their agreement that he must take the kids to their activities on his time... his lawyer told him just to leave it in because it was an unenforceable clause that he didnt technically have to follow. Especially because their was no obligation for his ex to make sure the kids didnt miss activities on her time. If we have plans the kids do miss activities as they do with their mother... just a fact of life.

What about private lessons if you really want your child to attend? I know they are a little more but they are often a certain day a week


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Old 07-02-2018, 11:00 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Thanks for the suggestions. This little guy loves the water, and is comfortable swimming with his puddle jumper on. I'll wait till he is a bit older and find an evening class. Money is too tight right now for private lessons or miss half of the lessons.

I do feel that it is important that the children participate in activities within their community. It helps with their social skills to be around children who are in the main stream and they get to meet children in the neighbourhood as they don't attend local schools.

Maybe its just the answer that I want to hear, but I like Berner Faith idea to add it to the agreement. I know its not enforceable, but it least its there and he will have to justify why he cant accommodate this.
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Old 07-03-2018, 07:37 AM
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That is one of the nice aspects of the 5-5-2-2 custody schedule, you can sign up on weekdays even with zero cooperation from other side.

My kids just miss every second thing, which is not a huge deal. They are unlikely to be Olympians, Broadway, or martial art superstars anyway.
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Old 07-03-2018, 07:38 AM
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Forgot to answer your question. Of course your ex has the right not to take them. Parents get to make parenting decisions during their parenting time. Activities are a core parenting decision.
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Old 07-03-2018, 11:55 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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The hard part for kate is her ex doesnt want to take the kids other than every other weekend and doesnt want to pay for or do activities with them. Shes dealing with all the costs, schedule and organization which truly isnt fair. If you arent even going to take an interest in your kids, at least try to help with activities. Its not like she is actively scheduling it on his (limited by choice) time or enrolling them in thousands of dollars of activities. Swimming lessons are a necessity for kids (in my opinion) and should be accommodated.

But to answer the question, no he cant be forced to take them. See if there is another option. Some municipalities offer classes weekly at night or on off weeks.
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