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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 04-24-2016, 04:31 PM
blueman2017 blueman2017 is offline
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Default Asked to pay for her day off to negotiate...

My lawyer called hers and asked would they be up for a 4 way meeting to negotiate. Her lawyer said yes so mine sent a letter with possible dates.

3 weeks later we get a letter stating that ex is only willing to meet and negotiate if I pay for her to take a day off work.

She works full time....

Sigh... God help me.

Anyone run into something like this..
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Old 04-24-2016, 04:40 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Well, that's a big clue that money is her main motivator, isn't it? Hope that's helpful to you at least.

Tell her you'll consider unequal equalization with her getting a day's pay extra, if it gets her to the table. But don't do anything that gives her money without reaching an agreement.

They are probably hoping you'll say no, then accuse you of being unwilling to negotiate.

Or, offer to schedule the meeting for an evening or a weekend, see if she'd prefer to pay her lawyer overtime instead of losing a day's pay.
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Old 04-24-2016, 04:54 PM
blueman2017 blueman2017 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Well, that's a big clue that money is her main motivator, isn't it? Hope that's helpful to you at least.

Tell her you'll consider unequal equalization with her getting a day's pay extra, if it gets her to the table. But don't do anything that gives her money without reaching an agreement.

They are probably hoping you'll say no, then accuse you of being unwilling to negotiate.

Or, offer to schedule the meeting for an evening or a weekend, see if she'd prefer to pay her lawyer overtime instead of losing a day's pay.
Great advice. I may suggest that and see what happens. Honestly though what a waste of money. She probably spent more money having the lawyer write that letter
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Old 04-24-2016, 06:11 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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small potatoes i would agree to pay this once as long as she stays for the entire day
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Old 04-24-2016, 07:45 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
small potatoes i would agree to pay this once as long as she stays for the entire day
may I add to that...she should also be willing to negotiate in good faith, that there has to be some movement on her part on some of the issues. She cannot use it as a paid day off and to screw you out of money.
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Old 04-24-2016, 08:15 PM
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Waste of time IMO. 4-2ay meetings are merely an extension of the useless lawyer letter-writing only they get to charge much more.

Ask your lawyer what happens if/when either of you meet and afterwards simply change your minds on what you agreed to...

Unless both sides are prepared to sign and file Orders on consent at the end of this meeting then I wouldn't bother (this can be done via fax from whichever lawyer's office you are meeting at).
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Old 04-24-2016, 09:01 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Tell her you'll pay if its a full day and you reach an agreement.
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Old 04-25-2016, 12:11 PM
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I agree with Arabian that it's an expensive waste of time unless Minutes of Settlement or a consent order are signed then and there- not "we'll think about it."

A lot of this depends on the personalities involved, but I like the idea of calling what is probably a bluff (later claiming that you were unwilling to meet to negotiate). Say you'll pay for the day of work if Minutes of Settlement are signed. Provides an incentive to deal fairly with the issues. If your position is reasonable and the other party knows it and isn't willing to agree on it, then they won't take up the offer of a paid day off and you'll save a big chunk of change and time.
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Old 04-25-2016, 12:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueman2017 View Post
My lawyer called hers and asked would they be up for a 4 way meeting to negotiate. Her lawyer said yes so mine sent a letter with possible dates.
Don't bother. For starters the other party is asking you to pay for their attendance. They are not looking to settle the matter. They are looking for the cheapest way to burn down your retainer. (Per Arabian's wise words.)

Also, this is a very odd request (to pay salary for the day). Super odd...

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueman2017 View Post
3 weeks later we get a letter stating that ex is only willing to meet and negotiate if I pay for her to take a day off work.
This is not normal practice. The lawyer's time for the day is probably way more than what the lost salary would be. (Unless they make more than 250$ an hour minimum.)

A lawyer working 7 hours in a day w/ tax (in Ontario) is about $2000. If the other party is making that kind of money they can pay for their own lawyer and seek costs.

To add to the recommendations:

You should agree to only arbitration. Mediation and 4way meetings with parties who ask for their salary to be paid for are not looking to settle matters. You could go to an arbitrator and they could make an order. You have to pay for their time plus the lawyers time. But, you will walk out with an order in hand.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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