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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 06-27-2022, 10:43 PM
respondent respondent is offline
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I wouldn't be surprised if judge won't take your side.

- Dad has arrived at lunch time and had to feed her? That's actually your responsibility. You knew in advance when he is coming, and had to provide lunch 15 minutes earlier, or potentially ask dad to come 15 minutes later. He sees her for only 2 hours, let them be with each other.

Stroller, sunscreen, dress according to weather - this is primary care giver responsibility.
Let's imagine he is as bad as you describe, but why you didn't apply sunscreen before she left your place?

Video recording his visit? Are you serious? I think child and dad have right for their interaction be private. I may have missed in a thread, but was there an order for supervised access (and you were listed as supervisor), or you just followed them with a video recording on a distance? Then you wasn't supervising, but rather spying. I don't mean to harm your feelings, but this is how most likely judge would look at it.
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  #12  
Old 06-28-2022, 08:13 AM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anotherday View Post
As I said earlier, last 2 visits were supervised by the woman who works in our building.
The father was against that and went to court. Said, it harms the child psychologically and emotionally.
The father has not seen the child and appears only whenever he wishes. The child knows the woman who supervises her visits and always playful with her. She sees this woman more often than her father.

I understand that I should have intervene. But I was told - I cannot. I just need to document what he does. Yesterday was the only day I supervised and it was disaster.
I am going to push for the supervised visitation.
Also, as for affidavit - anything I say the ex will tell not true.
And I don't want this to turn into a hearsay. I am not fighting for the custody, I already have the sole custody. I just want her father to respond to child's needs.
As for her diaper - he did not change and will never change - even if she complains.
It is too much work for him.
So you've already been to court on this, what did the judge say?
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  #13  
Old 06-28-2022, 08:43 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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I agree with respondent. Your actions indicate you were NOT supervising. You were spying! A judge would also see it that way. When is your next court date? The judge will likely order somebody else to supervise your ex other than you if they think your ex still requires supervision. But, as others have mentioned, supervised visits are only supposed to be a temporary measure.
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  #14  
Old 06-28-2022, 09:38 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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This will not go the way OP anticipates...it will actually backfire. Secretly videorecording the other parent is a huge no-no. Huge. This looks like a gatekeeping parent to the extreme who must be in control of every detail relating to child. These types of cases end up in parallel parenting with minimal contact between parents.
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  #15  
Old 06-28-2022, 10:51 AM
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I agree. This was not a supervised visitation at all, this is a parent who set the other parent up for failure by showing up with the child unprepared, unfed, not dressed for the weather, and stalked around videotaping the entire thing to make the other parent look as bad as possible - it's a very transparent ploy.

This will definitely look very badly on OP. My recommendation to OP would be to stop with the games at the child's expense, let dad have his visit without this interference and never bring up any of this to a judge or to the father and just generally do better.
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  #16  
Old 06-28-2022, 03:55 PM
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The way I am seeing this right now is the OP is an accomplice to the abuse against this toddler. Video taping abuse of a child without stepping in to stop it, she is just as guilty. And it looks like she did set the child up for it too.

I also think there could be a language barrier that her story isn't coming across well, just my opinion.
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  #17  
Old 06-28-2022, 06:51 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I would think if you were sending your child off for an outdoor visit at noon you would prep the child including feeding it and putting sun screen on.

Theres also this battle between not wanting dad to get the upper hand at court but also wanting to deal with his behaviour.

Your ex is useless as a caregiver, that is evident but he is still the childs father and he should be able to spend time with his child without you hovering or spying.

You set the boundaries on the time and prepare kid for that time. If he has court ordered time (ie three hours every other Saturday) you follow up with him on Wednesday and ask if he plans to exercise his full time and that you will wait 48 hours for his confirmation otherwise you will not be available.

It is reasonable to set that boundary, it is not reasonable to behave in this manner.
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  #18  
Old 06-29-2022, 11:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
So you've already been to court on this, what did the judge say?
Judge asked for the first 5 visitations to be supervised.

The father does not show up. Did only twice. Did not go well with the lady that supervised him before.

He said, he does not want anybody to watch him.

Child was fed, extra food provided.
I was not video recording the entire visit.
Only when something was wrong.
I am not allowed to interfere but to report if anything anything happens.
Does not matter how it looks for you.
The dad lives 3 mins away but says lives 83 km away.
As I said, my lawyer advised not to interfere during the visit.
I was watching just to make sure he won't take the child somewhere else.

You give him the whole food, cap, sun cream - he won't even look into the bag. This was observed by others too.
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  #19  
Old 06-29-2022, 11:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
The way I am seeing this right now is the OP is an accomplice to the abuse against this toddler. Video taping abuse of a child without stepping in to stop it, she is just as guilty. And it looks like she did set the child up for it too.

I also think there could be a language barrier that her story isn't coming across well, just my opinion.
I was not video taping the visit. Only when something was wrong.

I am not allowed to interfere with visits but the judge said, first 5 visits to be supervised by someone or the mother.
The father came to 2 visits only out of 5.
I thought if I supervise he may show up, which he did.
That's why he did not care in front of me to show the care for the child.
I called my lawyer and said this - I was told not to interfere.
Because the father does not like that.
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  #20  
Old 06-29-2022, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I would think if you were sending your child off for an outdoor visit at noon you would prep the child including feeding it and putting sun screen on.

There�s also this battle between not wanting dad to get the upper hand at court but also wanting to deal with his behaviour.

Your ex is useless as a caregiver, that is evident but he is still the child�s father and he should be able to spend time with his child without you hovering or spying.

You set the boundaries on the time and prepare kid for that time. If he has court ordered time (ie three hours every other Saturday) you follow up with him on Wednesday and ask if he plans to exercise his full time and that you will wait 48 hours for his confirmation otherwise you will not be available.

It is reasonable to set that boundary, it is not reasonable to behave in this manner.
Sun cream was applied by me.
But he put the child on an iron swing in playground, when it was super hot.
As I said, I could not interfere.
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