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Need an urgent advise. I am truly mad as it concerns the child

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  • Need an urgent advise. I am truly mad as it concerns the child

    Hello all, here you go again, I am here writing once again.
    The father showed up to see the child after 1 months and half. 3 previous visitations missed.
    Was late with notice.
    5 hrs if Supervised visitation was given. I would supervise from the safe distance so the child would not see me
    The father last minute said, I take the child 2 hrs maximum. If you don't agree I cancel it.
    I had to agree. If I would say no, he would use it against me. However, in court, he asks for 3 hrs of visitation minium.

    Now to the point and what happened during the visitation during the extreme heat warning.
    The child is 2 years and 5 months.

    This is what happened today:

    He arrived at 12 PM
    Brought to box of snacks with no water, diapers, sun cream and car seat.
    I told him that it is a lunch time and that he would be needing to feed the child. He said, no. I won't be feeding her. I am taking her to the playground instead.
    I told him, snack is not lunch and you were informed about it. He was visibly angry and not happy about me telling him it was the time to feed the child.
    12.05 He went to the park.
    Weather advisory was issued with over 30 degree Celsius. Children were advise to be kept indoor
    12.10 PM: Father arrived at playground with child. The child walked most of the time.
    12.12: The child began her activity, playing in the swing.
    12.14 PM: the child began to complain: "It's, hot. Hot." She did not wanted to go back to the swing. Father continued putting her back to the swing. The child continued to resist. Father showed no interest in following the child's demand.
    12.15 PM - The child began to slide in playground. Again, complained it was hot. Father showed no desire to stop.
    12.16 The backpack with water remained on the bench and untouched
    12.46 PM - the child began demanding for water. I could hear her saying, "I want water," as Father never offered her one since 12 PM despite the extreme hot weather. Father opened the backpack and began to eat snacks. The child did not eat anything. Father even drank her water.
    12:51: Father turned on his phone and began using it, while the child was sitting on the grass.
    12.54 Father began telling the child: Let's go find your mother and go home." He had another hour of visitation
    12.55 PM I have remained discreet to ensure there is no interference on my end and the child won't notice me.
    12.55 PM Father knew where I was yet continued showing the child where I was.
    12.57 Father disappeared from my sight and was unable to find him
    1.05 PM: I found Father and the child at Goldfinch and Finch ave. He bag walking with child towards Bathurst and Finch. The child walked under the sun, with no hat, sun cream applied and visibly with legs shaking, as she was already tired
    1.07 PM: by the hospital hospital, the child sat on the ground and refused to walk no more. She began to cry and was clingy. Father continued pushing the child to walk under the extreme hot weather with no water given the child since 12.45 PM
    1.09 PM: Father finally picked the child up and resumed his walk towards the Bathurst and Finch. The child had to insist for him to lift her up as she could not walk no more.
    1.11 PM: Father put the child on the ground, not holding her hands and allowed to run without proper supervision. It seemed the child was faster and Father was noticeably tired
    1.14 PM: Father and the child approached the Bathurst and Finch. The child began asking to go to Tim Hortons. She said, Yummy Tummy. I want food."
    1.14 PM: Father picked her up forcebly and said no. We go that way. He began to cross the street towards the Bathurst Hub.
    1.15 PM: The child demanded for Father to release her and she dropped on the ground right in the middle of intersection asking to go back for Yummy Tummy. Fatther once again, refused. Picked her up and crossed the street. The child did not refuse this time.
    1.17 PM, Father layed down on the grass in the shadow, under the trees, while the child was walking around under the sun, with no hat or protection from heat, while the father was resting.
    1.40 PM, no snacks was offered to the child. Not at least from 12.45 PM
    1.41 PM: Father got up, took the child and began walking towards home, the child's residence.
    1.42 PM: Child's legs shaking and she cannot walk. She stops and tells something to Father, showing her hands up, hoping he will pick her up. He did not. She continued walking, looking exhausted.
    1.44 PM: Child was able to convince Jeyhun to pick her up, and a minute when she was in his arm, she fell asleep.
    1.46 PM: Father woke her up, put her down and asked to walk. The child was super tired and did not want to. FATHER resiated to be his way. The child did not say anything.
    1.47 PM, by the Centennial library, the child sat down on the ground and was no longer able to walk. It was too hot and she was too tired. Father approached her and tried to see if she can walk. She did not want to and began to cry. Then father picked her up and walked towards the ***** intersection.
    1.48 PM: Child was sleepy and too tired. Father put her down and continued having her engaged in high-enervy activities with no water offered.
    1.52 PM: The child walked towards home and began to drag her father, to the back of the building, where is the Convenience store. The child said: I want Ice Cream." The father shouted at her very loud and said, "No Ice Cream. Ask your Mother to buy you." Child was scared but continued dragging him towards the store. He grabbed her, lifted her up and took her the building.
    1.56 PM: father texted: We are downstairs.
    1.57 When I approached the building, in the main entrance,. The child was all wet, sweat and tired. She was banging the door, Mommy, where is Mommy. I want my Mommy."
    I told her,baby, I am right behind you. The child was disoriented and did not hear me and continued banlging the door. When she finally noticed me, she showed the usual happiness, but a bit weird. She said, Mommy please open the door. When I opened the door, she said, thank you Mommy. We are home. She hugged me and leaned against me held me, as if she has not seen me for ages. "Mummy, can you buy me an ice cream?" I said, of course, I will buy it in a minute."
    1.58 PM: I asked the father, have you fed the child, changed diaper? He, with the smile on his face, as if he was delivering a good news: No, I did not." He was most definitely looked satisfied and rested while the child was pushed to the limits.
    2.05 PM: The child had pooed looked like from an hour ago. Her bottom was in red rushes, dirty. She had to take a bath. But she also drank too much water and asked for food.
    2.30 PM: she fell asleep for 2 hours.
    7:30 PM: we went to the park. When the child saw the swing and the playground slide, she said, no mommy. I am scared. It is too hot. I looked at her and said: "Do not worry. I won't put you on anything that is hot and I promise it is not." She was hesitant but trusted me, perhaps, remembering how her father was putting her on too hot surface with no regard for her safety.

    I have some videos but no sound.
    How can I prove all these are true in court. He will obviously say it is not true. I have photos as well. He literally tortured the child yesterday and I couldn't interfere because he would accuse me of dictating him what he should do with child.
    I promise you, he was just killing his time and showed no regards to the child's need. It is what he does in front of me. God knows what he will do when he is alone with child.
    The child's diaper today is still dry. Drinks lots of water.

    I don't know how else to protect the child while she is with him.
    I don't know what to do.
    My court hearing is on July 11th, 2022.

  • #2
    Imo it's never a good idea for an ex (you) to be the "supervisor" can't a family member step in, or use an access centre? That said since you are the supervisor, I'm pretty sure you can add what you said here in an affidavit of your observations. But you didn't step in as the supervisor when the child was in danger and could be suffering from dehydration, exhaustion, or heat stroke. Also as the supervisor maybe suggest an indoor activity during a heat wave such as a library.

    You could try and bring your concerns to CAS and see if they have any protection concerns, but I'm guessing you wont get too far with this one, since you were supervising the visit. At least they may offer some advice or better yet some services.

    Next time could you provide a stroller for the child along with some food & water, sunscreen & hat? And the necessities to make her visit more pleasant/safer could solve some of your concerns.

    Comment


    • #3
      Agree with Kate 331. You should not be supervising ANY visits. As a supervisor you are not supposed to hide out of sight! As a supervisor you are supposed to be with the child and the parent at all times and ready to step in to protect the child immediately if the parent is doing something which could harm the child. In addition, you appear to micromanaging the entire visit with your minute by minute unfavourable commentary yet at no time do you do the responsible thing and step in to intervene! Stop supervising this father’s visits and insist that either one of relatives, friends or a priest do it, anybody except for you!

      Comment


      • #4
        I have provided to the water, hat, sun cream. But no stroller.
        I could not step in, because my ex won't allow me. He is like that, unfortunately. And he does not care. No family member can step in.
        I will have to ask the court to allow me to interrupt the visitation if I see something strange or dangerous.
        CAS is useless. I called them last year. They called him and he denied everything. Case was closed. He will deny this time too. What's point to calling them?
        2 previous visitations were supervised. But that lady did not do anything, when she saw the child been pushed to the limits by father due to heat. But she did not said anything or wrote in her affidavit as she is afraid of my ex that he might do something. The lady works in our building.
        The issue is not the food, the issue is money he never wanted to spend on his own child. ( He made her to walk for over 2 KM just for him toay down under the tree, while she was wondering around under the sun. But he could do the same in front of our building.
        There was no point having child tortured like that.
        He also fights for no supervised visitations.
        So you are suggesting for me to provide stroller, car seat and everything else? Should I provide money for food, ice cream or something else the child may want, because he will not be buying anything and instead shouting at her the way he did yesterday?
        As a father, what is his responsibilities during the visitation then?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
          Agree with Kate 331. You should not be supervising ANY visits. As a supervisor you are not supposed to hide out of sight! As a supervisor you are supposed to be with the child and the parent at all times and ready to step in to protect the child immediately if the parent is doing something which could harm the child. In addition, you appear to micromanaging the entire visit with your minute by minute unfavourable commentary yet at no time do you do the responsible thing and step in to intervene! Stop supervising this father’s visits and insist that either one of relatives, friends or a priest do it, anybody except for you!
          I am not micromanaging. Never did. In fact, I had to hide, because the father does not want me to be visible or be around. He does not want any supervised visits at all.
          As for the unfavorable commentary: it is not how it appears. Sadly, you don't know who I am dealing with. I can intervene if the judge allows. If there is no order from the judge, I cannot.
          I am looking for someone who can supervise the visits.
          But the judge himself from the beginning said, he is against supervised visitations as it harms the child.

          Comment


          • #6
            As I said earlier, last 2 visits were supervised by the woman who works in our building.
            The father was against that and went to court. Said, it harms the child psychologically and emotionally.
            The father has not seen the child and appears only whenever he wishes. The child knows the woman who supervises her visits and always playful with her. She sees this woman more often than her father.

            I understand that I should have intervene. But I was told - I cannot. I just need to document what he does. Yesterday was the only day I supervised and it was disaster.
            I am going to push for the supervised visitation.
            Also, as for affidavit - anything I say the ex will tell not true.
            And I don't want this to turn into a hearsay. I am not fighting for the custody, I already have the sole custody. I just want her father to respond to child's needs.
            As for her diaper - he did not change and will never change - even if she complains.
            It is too much work for him.

            Comment


            • #7
              You are the primary caregiver, you are responsible imo to have her properly dressed for the visit (hat, sunscreen, light clothing, suitable footwear). Usually large ticket items such as strollers, car seats are provided by the custodian parent for the child use. He only had the child for 2 hours, it would be nice if he provided lunch but he didn't, not endangerment. When a child asks for ice cream or Tim Hortons, that's a treat that's up to the parent in charge to allow the child to have, his decision not to treat her, not harmful to the child.

              The walking in the heat for 2 Km withing 2 hours, legs shaking and not being able to walk any farther is harmful for a 2.5 year old, let alone in a soiled diaper, sad that a concerned citizen didnt step in and ask about the child's well-being. Good news is when she got home the child was wet & sweaty, although disoriented, which tells me she wasn't dangerously dehydrated. If your worried about hearsay, have it all documented by outside sources. A child who was made to walk 2 Km in 2 hours in the brutal heat could have been seen at a hospital or walk in clinic to make sure she is OK and not dangerously dehydrated and exhausted. The rash on her diaper area can also be documented by a Dr.

              I feel you exasperation and worry in your words. But even if you get supervised visits that's only usually a temporary solution, and you will need to come up with a plan for eventual unsupervised visits. Your lawyer will be able to put in the pertinent facts for your next court date, have faith in them.

              Comment


              • #8
                Just wanted to add that when my ex and I couldn't stand each other and in the heat of our litigation he would have done things just to piss me off if he knew I was watching.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                  Just wanted to add that when my ex and I couldn't stand each other and in the heat of our litigation he would have done things just to piss me off if he knew I was watching.
                  I don't really care what he thinks about me. The child's needs need to be put first.
                  Forcing the child to walk in that hot weather, when the warning was issued, was done, in my opinion, on purpose.
                  He disappeared from her life and got back just because if court. He lives 3 mins away from us. He could have taken her to his home. He did not.
                  Food, ice cream is not my biggest concern. He shouted at her and forced her to be in that condition. He did that to hurt me? How about hurting the child?
                  It is, imo is wrong.
                  In fact, I know he will be gone after court. He does not show up unless he was forced.
                  That's why he most likely does it.
                  Believe it or not, when he was home, he would tell me, right in front of the child's pretend I am dead. Who will take care of the child? He yelled at me in the car, infront of the child, when I asked him on his day off to drive me to daycare because the weather was -25.
                  The issue has not started today or yesterday. I even recorded that conversation, just a bit piece of it. I had to use it.
                  I don't want to go deep into details.
                  But I know one thing: if there was a sign that this person can be left alone with child (forget about all his other qualities) and being the caring persons I would not worry about It.
                  I keep sending emails, informing him about everything. Never got a reply.
                  He never cared
                  But hurting the child.... Next one I am not giving him the child if the visitation is not indoor.
                  Do you know how many really good father's out there that are doing their best to be with their child, and their ex wives won't let them? They don't even go to court. But they should.
                  But this man sues me demanding to see the child. He just did not know I was prepared to fight back with all the hard evidences.
                  So he does it on purpose((
                  He has a chance to be a good father but instead he is just selfish towards his own child.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    You are the primary caregiver, you are responsible imo to have her properly dressed for the visit (hat, sunscreen, light clothing, suitable footwear). Usually large ticket items such as strollers, car seats are provided by the custodian parent for the child use. He only had the child for 2 hours, it would be nice if he provided lunch but he didn't, not endangerment. When a child asks for ice cream or Tim Hortons, that's a treat that's up to the parent in charge to allow the child to have, his decision not to treat her, not harmful to the child.

                    The walking in the heat for 2 Km withing 2 hours, legs shaking and not being able to walk any farther is harmful for a 2.5 year old, let alone in a soiled diaper, sad that a concerned citizen didnt step in and ask about the child's well-being. Good news is when she got home the child was wet & sweaty, although disoriented, which tells me she wasn't dangerously dehydrated. If your worried about hearsay, have it all documented by outside sources. A child who was made to walk 2 Km in 2 hours in the brutal heat could have been seen at a hospital or walk in clinic to make sure she is OK and not dangerously dehydrated and exhausted. The rash on her diaper area can also be documented by a Dr.

                    I feel you exasperation and worry in your words. But even if you get supervised visits that's only usually a temporary solution, and you will need to come up with a plan for eventual unsupervised visits. Your lawyer will be able to put in the pertinent facts for your next court date, have faith in them.
                    Thanks for your reply.
                    The child was not doing OK. But I waited till the evening to make sure she is fine.
                    At night, she had nightmares, screaming in her dreams, "No, no. Hot. Go away."
                    I will just have to care of it.
                    I think he does it so I won't send him any schedules for visitation. Also that day, he had 5 hrs of scheduled times he refused and said, I take two maximum. Agree tell me, if not I cancel. Again, I have lived with this person and I know why he does it - he does not want any hard work for himself when it comes to his own child. That's why he reduces his own visitation time, so he does not have to do more stuff.
                    His next visitation is again for 6 hrs. I am sure he will either not show up or will, but will ask for the reduced time last minute.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I wouldn't be surprised if judge won't take your side.

                      - Dad has arrived at lunch time and had to feed her? That's actually your responsibility. You knew in advance when he is coming, and had to provide lunch 15 minutes earlier, or potentially ask dad to come 15 minutes later. He sees her for only 2 hours, let them be with each other.

                      Stroller, sunscreen, dress according to weather - this is primary care giver responsibility.
                      Let's imagine he is as bad as you describe, but why you didn't apply sunscreen before she left your place?

                      Video recording his visit? Are you serious? I think child and dad have right for their interaction be private. I may have missed in a thread, but was there an order for supervised access (and you were listed as supervisor), or you just followed them with a video recording on a distance? Then you wasn't supervising, but rather spying. I don't mean to harm your feelings, but this is how most likely judge would look at it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Anotherday View Post
                        As I said earlier, last 2 visits were supervised by the woman who works in our building.
                        The father was against that and went to court. Said, it harms the child psychologically and emotionally.
                        The father has not seen the child and appears only whenever he wishes. The child knows the woman who supervises her visits and always playful with her. She sees this woman more often than her father.

                        I understand that I should have intervene. But I was told - I cannot. I just need to document what he does. Yesterday was the only day I supervised and it was disaster.
                        I am going to push for the supervised visitation.
                        Also, as for affidavit - anything I say the ex will tell not true.
                        And I don't want this to turn into a hearsay. I am not fighting for the custody, I already have the sole custody. I just want her father to respond to child's needs.
                        As for her diaper - he did not change and will never change - even if she complains.
                        It is too much work for him.
                        So you've already been to court on this, what did the judge say?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I agree with respondent. Your actions indicate you were NOT supervising. You were spying! A judge would also see it that way. When is your next court date? The judge will likely order somebody else to supervise your ex other than you if they think your ex still requires supervision. But, as others have mentioned, supervised visits are only supposed to be a temporary measure.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I agree. This was not a supervised visitation at all, this is a parent who set the other parent up for failure by showing up with the child unprepared, unfed, not dressed for the weather, and stalked around videotaping the entire thing to make the other parent look as bad as possible - it's a very transparent ploy.

                            This will definitely look very badly on OP. My recommendation to OP would be to stop with the games at the child's expense, let dad have his visit without this interference and never bring up any of this to a judge or to the father and just generally do better.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The way I am seeing this right now is the OP is an accomplice to the abuse against this toddler. Video taping abuse of a child without stepping in to stop it, she is just as guilty. And it looks like she did set the child up for it too.

                              I also think there could be a language barrier that her story isn't coming across well, just my opinion.

                              Comment

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