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Kkc · #1 06-09-2022, 07:47 PM

Hi,

interim order of this stupid protracted litigation has the kids with me Friday 3pm to Monday at 9am. There is no appointed decision making so it is defacto shared.

2019 ex bought a house in the school district, me as well

2020 her parents who co-owned the house, booted her out and made her move to another house about 20km from the school and she continued to drive them

2021: her parents kick her out of that house and she moves now to a rental unit 30 km from their school (but her bf lives around the corner now). It takes 26 minutes each way.

It is about 12 minutes each way from my house (city driving vs county roads).

She is complaining that she does not want to drive them anymore because gas is too expensive and wants to change schools. She gets 7200 a month in total support and refuses to work.

In the last 4 years, the kids have had their parents separate, been exposed to a lot of conflict, moved 6 times in total and had their beloved uncle die.

The school has been a constant for them, they do well academically and socially. I do not think gas money is an adequate reason for such a drastic change when all the following are possible:

I would be even willing to pick up the kids some mornings
She can move back to school district as her lease expires in September
She can get a fuel efficient vehicle as her lease expires in October
This schedule will not be permanent

We do have reunification therapy because of her alienating tactics and the therapist is probably the authority on this. I am worried she will just change schools and that is that.

As an aside re: alienation, the school is having a father's day event, she did not tell me about it as the flyer went home during the week, and signed her BF up for it...not cool

Thoughts?

blinkandimgone · #2 06-09-2022, 09:09 PM

Agreed. Keep the kids in the same school consistency and stability are more important than a parent feeling inconvenienced by the choices they made, especially when they likely have another move in the near future.

Edit: make sure you're receiving copies of all school newsletters and notifications. Not cool that she signed up bf in your place - if you had declined or weren't able to and both he and the kids wanted him there, then sure. Can you contact the school and sign yourself up to go?

Kkc · #3 06-10-2022, 04:55 AM

Re school newsletters, I agree but why should the school do twice the work when one parent is the problem

I left it for our therapist. Ex will have to make sure buddy does not go, if my daughter sees us both there it will create a lot of internal conflict for her

rockscan · #4 06-10-2022, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kkc

Re school newsletters, I agree but why should the school do twice the work when one parent is the problem

I left it for our therapist. Ex will have to make sure buddy does not go, if my daughter sees us both there it will create a lot of internal conflict for her

Some schools have an online service like seesaw where they post everything.

You aren�t the first divorced parent a teacher has dealt with and you won�t be the last. They are actually trained in how to deal with high conflict parents and know what to do. If the teacher knows you want to be involved they will make the effort. Speaking as a friend and family member of teachers, they want what is best for the child and that includes no conflict.

blinkandimgone · #5 06-10-2022, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kkc

Re school newsletters, I agree but why should the school do twice the work when one parent is the problem

I left it for our therapist. Ex will have to make sure buddy does not go, if my daughter sees us both there it will create a lot of internal conflict for her

Schools are used to it, lots of kids have two homes. It removes one parent from being the middle man and "the" paren and putting all the responsibility on them. Both parents need to build a relationship with the school and teachers, whether in a single home or two homes. It's better for everyone, especially the kids.

Kkc · #6 06-10-2022, 09:39 AM

This happens often enough and the school is supposed to

I wonder if they didn’t think a Father’s Day flyer would be withheld

StillPaying · #7 06-10-2022, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kkc

Re school newsletters, I agree but why should the school do twice the work when one parent is the problem

I left it for our therapist. Ex will have to make sure buddy does not go, if my daughter sees us both there it will create a lot of internal conflict for her

I recommend a parenting after divorce course. Reality is "Buddy" is in your kid's life more than you. Show your kid you can all get along to support them, not make threats.

Brampton33 · #8 06-10-2022, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kkc

I left it for our therapist. Ex will have to make sure buddy does not go, if my daughter sees us both there it will create a lot of internal conflict for her

This is really the wrong attitude to have. Did you expect your ex to stay single forever? Or for a partner of your ex to not be involved whatsoever with your children? If buddy goes, that is his call. He is there to support your daughter. Sounds like you have some hurt feelings about buddy, which you will need to sort out for the betterment of parenting your daughter.

arbortrail22 · #9 06-10-2022, 12:08 PM

I would never show up at a Mother's Day event at school as a stepmother. It takes the focus off the child and turns it into a stressful event. No way.

Tayken · #10 06-10-2022, 01:51 PM

I have piles of posts on this forum covering the topic of school in detail. Simply click on my name and search all my main thread posts. Lots of them.

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