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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #161  
Old 02-18-2015, 06:44 PM
shirley1011 shirley1011 is offline
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Could she tell that you had the "readnotify.com" thingamagig...and if so then she knows you are collecting data for trial so she wants only communication with her lawyer?
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  #162  
Old 02-18-2015, 07:52 PM
Beachnana Beachnana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Although I absolutely agree that neutral exchanges are yet another benefit of school, you need something in the meantime.

What about parking out of sight but near the exchange location and walking over to your ex to get D3? They can do brief goodbyes and then you and your daughter can stroll back just the two of you to wherever you left the car. It would keep your car private from your ex, and keep your girlfriend and her daughter from being quizzed if they are with you.

If you rely on a judge to try to address ALL your ex's behaviour, your motion is going to take forever, your court order is going to be long and confusing, your lawyer bill will be huge, and your ex can still ignore it as she sees fit. You have to learn to fight the big stuff and work around the little stuff.
i would suggest a Macdonalds play centre or the library or even chapters children department. No cars, just a commom area, where you can kiss D3 goodbye and say " oh look there is Mommy". " I guess she is here to pick you up. " "Bye see you soon". And you can walk away, as Mom is now in charge. Then this can ve reversed.

Its common ground, its public, its warm or cool whichever. Also D3 is not being exchanged in a carpark like a polictical exchange.

Just a thought.
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  #163  
Old 02-18-2015, 07:57 PM
Beachnana Beachnana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shirley1011 View Post
Strait...you nailed it!

How about the "dog ate the book" sorry had to start a new one lol
Yea, or it got covered in Hot Chocolate. Sorry those pages are all soggy and unreadable.
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  #164  
Old 02-18-2015, 08:03 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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From this point on EXPECT youll get bullshit in the book. Be more upset when you dont!
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  #165  
Old 02-18-2015, 08:06 PM
Beachnana Beachnana is offline
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Look at the bright side - you have another piece of irrefutable evidence that your ex is refusing to communicate with you (what a gift that is IMO) unless it's through lawyers!!! No cooperation. If she doesn't get what she wants she denies your requests for access - BRILLIANT!!!!!
Exactly. Stop beating yourself up. You did get some part of March Break right as its part of your order. So some is better than how much you got last year.

Less communication in the dam book. Emails are better, as you can control what you put in and what you respond to.

Our Lawyer ( yep back into paying) told us its often what you don't respond to highlights the importance of the things you respond to.

So if its not i portant don't respond. Don't inform. M

When D3 told Mommy there was a dance show and ex ranted. You did not have to respond. Responding show you always on the defensive. And she loves that.

Do you think anyone will give a rat about that in the bigger schemes of things. Also you have sent an email stating you do not consent to the darn theraphy. So consider that a non issue now.
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  #166  
Old 02-18-2015, 09:41 PM
good_mom good_mom is offline
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lol Read notify she cannot see it.

Yeah she gets free lawyer and you have to pay. Time for a Trial management and move this forward. Keep communications to min. between lawyers. Request dates for trial Management now...the more time they have the more carp they will pull.

Keep on with the positive as it is in the communication book. Focus on what you are doing and not what she is doing. It will catch up to her in the long run.

On employment for OP. Your close to PQ like 20 mins. check for employment in the area and keep a file in it. OP says I have to go to PQ 2hrs away you give the judge the file with the job 20 mins away. Always have a counter plan....
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  #167  
Old 02-18-2015, 10:24 PM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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This is where the word "sole" custody comes in to play .. when communication shuts down .. from the caselaw I've read so far. And Im sad to say D3 is a little girl .. Im a boy. The odds are not with me. I've been through the caselaw. Bye Bye joint. If she were to get sole this would get way worse for D3.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
If she doesn't get what she wants she denies your requests for access - BRILLIANT!!!!!
Right on the ball with that one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
If you're putting more than a few minutes into reading, writing, or thinking about the communication book each week, you're doing it wrong.
Good advice Thanks Strait! Just so you know I haven't been engaging in the comm book. pure positivity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
Your ex is a fucking she-beast that wants to destroy you and remove you from your daugther's existence. Don't engage with that malarky.
I won't. Mark my words! I understand how important it is not to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrToronto View Post
There wasn't a pediatricians reccomendation at the Settlement Conference from Goldilocks that D3 should see a kid shrink

Then perhaps a Judge could of wrote something on it in the endorsement.
You know I was wondering about this myself. If the behaviors are so bad then

a) Why won't she list them? (few bad sleeps doesnt warrant therapy)
b) No recommendation from pediatrician

Call me crazy but it seems to me that the first place she would have went to try and get a referral is her pediatrician. What if she did and he said "Nope...D3's healthy as an ox emotionally .. this is all normal". Perhaps I should give him a call and see? I have his contact info.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
When D3 told Mommy there was a dance show and ex ranted. You did not have to respond. Responding show you always on the defensive. And she loves that
I haven't responded. But I did send the invite back in December. But we had no idea the performance was last Wed. We only found out when we showed up. So yes I look bad. Some say I shouldn't respond. But perhaps she should know we had no idea the performance was that night. They had told us mid-month sometime but no date. Or perhaps I'll just say nothing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by good_mom View Post
the more time they have the more carp they will pull.
Yep. I suppose now I just sit back .. say the truth (how awesome D3 is doing and all the positive stuff) and have trash thrown at me every communication book period. Easy enough!!
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Originally Posted by good_mom View Post
On employment for OP. Your close to PQ like 20 mins. check for employment in the area and keep a file in it. OP says I have to go to PQ 2hrs away you give the judge the file with the job 20 mins away. Always have a counter plan....
lol Smart!! Gatineau, QC is 10-15 mins away. Her mom's/mtl is hours away. If she claims she needs employment in QC .. no problem. Only 15 mins from me. Of course she'll pull out the family/support, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by good_mom View Post
Still .. good idea to have all the employment possibilities on file just in case.
Keep on with the positive as it is in the communication book. Focus on what you are doing and not what she is doing. It will catch up to her in the long run.
Seems to be the theme of advice. And yes, I'm going to follow it. Going to be tough requesting access through her lawyer though. He simply doesnt respond to anything .. even by my lawyer, deadline or not.

And just so I'm clear .. every piece of advice here has said to not give consent to therapy WITHOUT providing any reasons why right?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-18-2015 at 10:28 PM. Reason: spell
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  #168  
Old 02-18-2015, 10:48 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
....
And just so I'm clear .. every piece of advice here has said to not give consent to therapy WITHOUT providing any reasons why right?
Because there is no Order for your daughter to commence therapy and because you have not personally observed any behaviours that, in your opinion, warrant therapy. If the mother were truly concerned she would have gone to family physician and received a referral. Even if she went from therapist to therapist requesting a consultation, I suspect that most would quickly sum up that your ex is in the middle of a custody fight and was merely shopping around for someone to bolster up her side. If your ex has been looking around for someone to step into the foray she probably has come up with a response such as "take it up with your lawyer."

Your ex systemically ensured that she covered her tracks when she initially bolted with your daughter by stopping at the police station to let them know she was leaving with the child. Your ex's recent actions kind of smell of the same thing to me.

Your ex is probably pretty pissed off that you didn't fall into her trap by agreeing to let your daughter participate in the "therapy" at the women's shelter. That would have been an absolute disaster. Can you imagine the sorts of quasi-professional reports that would have emerged from that organization???? I have to say that I'm aghast at the fact that the counsellor at the shelter would involve herself in this manner. Highly questionable in my opinion.
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  #169  
Old 02-18-2015, 10:57 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
...

Also, I sent the message about therapy via e-mail using readnotify.com. It still says she didn't open it yet somehow she read it? Im confused about that also. Which means she also didn't reason about March Break...
FYI...ReadNotify.com is not 100%. They have a FAQ page at their site, that touches on some of this.

It tries to get acknowledgment of read emails, delivered emails, opened documents, etc., as best it can, using common email/SMTP mechanisms, and various tracking mechanisms (kind of like how websites try to track you), but there are ways to get around it, and methods to interfere with some of its methods.

That's why OurFamilyWizard would be better for tracking this.

Your ex doesn't sound IT-savvy, but it's possible to detect that ReadNotify is being used, in some cases.
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  #170  
Old 02-18-2015, 11:04 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
This is where the word "sole" custody comes in to play .. when communication shuts down .. from the caselaw I've read so far. And Im sad to say D3 is a little girl .. Im a boy. The odds are not with me. I've been through the caselaw. Bye Bye joint. If she were to get sole this would get way worse...
I think a judge would see who is frustrating communication. If for some reason a judge decided that joint was not possible, parallel parenting is another option. But I think you're worrying too soon about that. I hear ya though. Was threatened, and told, same, with my D2 at the time.
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