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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #151  
Old 02-18-2015, 01:49 PM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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I will address some of what has been said above later. But new communication book stuff..AGAIN: (Headache)

1. Last dance class they had a surprise performance. We had no idea it was happening. Parents were not told. D3 told ex about it and ex went on a rant in the communication book about how she should be invited, etc.

(Keep in mind Ive never been invited to anything ..Halloween parties at playgroup, X-mas parties at playgroup, earning swimming certificates ,etc)

2. Rant # 2 about therapy. Saying that "I say I want to help her out with D3 issues but that I wont consent to group therapy". She went on to say things like "I will keep searching for people for her to talk to until I please you".

She's pissed.

This is all in the log book. Making me look difficult and horrible.

Also, I sent the message about therapy via e-mail using readnotify.com. It still says she didn't open it yet somehow she read it? Im confused about that also. Which means she also didn't reason about March Break.

I think motion is mostly for CS/School. My lawyer knows that getting my CS adjusted is necessary and it necessitates a motion because we've tried talking with them about it. I agree that school is far but my lawyer feels it is important to get established. The therapy thing is blowing up as we speak. She just wrote a bunch in the communication book making me look like the most difficult father ever. Something needs to give here. Communication book has become a weapon of mass destruction. Im not responding to any of it....right?

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-18-2015 at 01:57 PM.
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  #152  
Old 02-18-2015, 05:08 PM
YYZDaddy YYZDaddy is offline
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LovingFather - I feel your pain, and I'm living it too. Just keep doing the right thing... focus on facts. Speak/write to her like you would to your boss's boss.
Just because she says or writes something doesn't make it true. Courts have seen it all.

I know too well, it's easy to say...
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  #153  
Old 02-18-2015, 05:22 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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I'm astounded as to how much you got sucked in with this communication book.

I'm going to give you some tough love dude, and I hope you take it as such.


Communication book is for day-to-day nose wiping, meal feeding, activity scheduling issues, and nothing else.

The only thing you have to say is "D3's dance activity was a surprise to me too, I will ask the studio to give us notice next time. As for your other requests about therapy, that issue is too complicated for this book, and will be covered in either an email or our next motion."

End transmission.

Stop getting sucked in. Stop hoping for the best and trying to be some modern, amicable family unit.

Your ex is a fucking she-beast that wants to destroy you and remove you from your daugther's existence. Don't engage with that malarky. Stop acting like a schmuck. Settle all of this crap at motions and trials, and spend the rest of your time enjoying your time with your daughter.

If you're putting more than a few minutes into reading, writing, or thinking about the communication book each week, you're doing it wrong.
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  #154  
Old 02-18-2015, 05:27 PM
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Thanks YYZ:

I'd like to write in the communication book that we should just be using it for day-to-day stuff (ate this, good sleep, bump on knee, etc) and to keep larger issues for e-mail (therapy, march break access, etc).

She's seeking a reaction. Everyone here is correct. Not going to get one.

Although I do need to discuss the dance issue and the therapy issue via e-mail (as lightly and politely as possible).

I feel like t needs to be mentioned that therapy with a witness counselor is not analgous to a playgroup. That D3 could social model negative behaviors of kids who truly did witness violence. That I'm not comfortable not being able to attend, etc. That she still wont discuss any behaviors in the communication book that are occurring (besides a few bad sleeps). But I suppose I shouldn't.

My EAP doesn't cover child psych's .. only counselor's

My benefits cover psychologists .. but only $500.00/year. And if its over $25.00/30 mins than I have to pay half that hour. (Arnt psych's likk $200.00 hour). So it looks like we're talking big money here.
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  #155  
Old 02-18-2015, 05:30 PM
shirley1011 shirley1011 is offline
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Strait...you nailed it!

How about the "dog ate the book" sorry had to start a new one lol
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  #156  
Old 02-18-2015, 05:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
1. Last dance class they had a surprise performance. We had no idea it was happening. Parents were not told. D3 told ex about it and ex went on a rant in the communication book about how she should be invited, etc.

(Keep in mind Ive never been invited to anything ..Halloween parties at playgroup, X-mas parties at playgroup, earning swimming certificates ,etc)
Your answer:

The dance performance was a surprise for parents, so I was unable to invite you in advance as I did not know about it. I agree that we should both invite each other to D3's events whenever possible. Since it wasn't possible in this case, I've emailed you some of the cuter pics I took.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
2. Rant # 2 about therapy. Saying that "I say I want to help her out with D3 issues but that I wont consent to group therapy". She went on to say things like "I will keep searching for people for her to talk to until I please you".
Your answer:

I agree that finding an appropriate therapy for D3 that we both agree on is important. I will also work on searching for someone or something we can both be comfortable with and let you know about anything I find.


Deflect and defuse her, and turn her arguments back on her with agreements whenever possible.

Of course, it's easy for me to come up with these as I'm a stranger on the internet with no emotional investment. When you get the communication book, just take a deep breath, or don't open it right away, whatever it takes for you to anticipate her rants, take the emotional sting out of them, and focus on the challenge of reframing them into agreements.
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  #157  
Old 02-18-2015, 05:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Thanks YYZ:


Although I do need to discuss the dance issue and the therapy issue via e-mail (as lightly and politely as possible).

I feel like t needs to be mentioned that therapy with a witness counselor is not analgous to a playgroup. That D3 could social model negative behaviors of kids who truly did witness violence. That I'm not comfortable not being able to attend, etc. That she still wont discuss any behaviors in the communication book that are occurring (besides a few bad sleeps). But I suppose I shouldn't.

My EAP doesn't cover child psych's .. only counselor's

My benefits cover psychologists .. but only $500.00/year. And if its over $25.00/30 mins than I have to pay half that hour. (Arnt psych's likk $200.00 hour). So it looks like we're talking big money here.
If you go into all the reasons and rationales for your position (no to children-of-divorce group), you are way over-communicating. Stop trying to demonstrate to her that you are right. Just present the facts she needs to know ("I do not consent to the children's group but are willing to consider your proposals for other options"). Just because you "feel it needs to be mentioned" doesn't mean it actually needs to be mentioned.

One tip: whenever you write an email to your ex, let it sit for a few hours, then go back and take at least 33% of the words out. Never send an email that is more than two-thirds the length of the first draft. I guarantee that you will find plenty that you can cut.
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  #158  
Old 02-18-2015, 05:53 PM
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Thanks guys. You're all right.

Well...just got her response via e-mail. I can say good-bye to Mach break too .. and try and find money to put everything through my lawyer. Must be nice to have her lawyer fight her battles for free

Here's the e-mail (actual words)

__________________________________________________ __________
Hi LF32

As I mentioned in the communication log, I am disappointed to hear that you are not on board with getting D3 into therapy as I believe this would be in her best interest.

Also, as far as March break goes I believe we should continue the regular access as to maintain the schedule that was assigned by the judge. (Wed. 12- Thurs. 8 am and Fri. 5pm- Mon. 8 am)

Should you feel the need to discuss anything further I would appreciate it to go through our lawyers.

Thanks.
__________________________________________________ __________

March break will be difficult
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  #159  
Old 02-18-2015, 06:02 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Look at the bright side - you have another piece of irrefutable evidence that your ex is refusing to communicate with you (what a gift that is IMO) unless it's through lawyers!!! No cooperation. If she doesn't get what she wants she denies your requests for access - BRILLIANT!!!!!
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  #160  
Old 02-18-2015, 06:39 PM
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AS I BELIEVE IT"S IN HER BEST INTERESTS

You could believe D3 would be better off flying to the moon is in her best interest but that's only your opinion.

There wasn't a pediatricians reccomendation at the Settlement Conference from Goldilocks that D3 should see a kid shrink

Then perhaps a Judge could of wrote something on it in the endorsement.

This tempest is purposely created after the SC by Goldilocks.... so until you see proof of a diagnosis it's basically a manufactured issue.

ALSO what you do on your time with D3 is your business not Goldilock's ...inviting Goldilocks is a courtesy to any of your/D3 extra curricular activity

Like I wrote Goldilocks will not go beyond the current Order on access. She's run out of "being in Quebec excuses" and flat out telling you to fuk-off about asking for more access.

Of course your going to keep asking for things (not a avalanche) that are in D3's best interest just to the LAO scumbag lawyer.

DID I mention one gender gets hostile when a kid comes back happy after seeing the other gender (so typical to see)

Anyways Goldilocks is shutting down communication because ..she ain't a lawyers and is/doing stupid stuff hurting her case on Custody.

Last edited by MrToronto; 02-18-2015 at 06:43 PM.
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