I'm seeking sole custody, he is seeking joint. My reason being that he was abusive and beyond controlling, and there has always been a power imbalance. I'm also the one who made all the medical and educational decisions for the kids, so I don't feel that should change. He's also controlling and emotionally abusive with my kids. The OCL is involved, trying to determine custody/access.
Being the pessimist that I am, I'm dealing with worse case scenario. If they decide on joint custody, I have no idea how I'm going to handle this. My daughter was in therapy before we physically split up. I had to temporarily stop therapy, because my ex started cleaning out the bank account each pay, and I couldn't afford to continue with her therapy. Once I moved out, I made her therapy one of my top priorities, and started it back up again. When I pointed out to him, that I'm paying for everything, he got all wound up and said I needed his permission to put her in therapy. I told him it was the same therapist she was going to before, and it only stopped, because he was spending all our money. He demanded for the therapist's name and number (yes, it was the same therapist she went to while we were married). I provided both and told her therapist what happened. She said she'd need his consent and began calling HIM, leaving messages. He did not return her calls. My lawyer wrote a letter, telling him to kindly give his consent and stop ignoring her calls. He claimed she never called (she left three messages) and said he would call her. Nope. Finally, after a month of this nonsense, she finally got hold of him, and he gave consent.
Now, being summer, he got two non-consecutive weeks with the kids. I knew he planned on going out of town with them (they told me), so I emailed, asking that he please provide me with the name of the hotel, phone number and how long they would be out of town. He ignored four emails with this request. He finally texted me and said they were already out of town and he had his cell. I reminded him that he was to tell me before they left, and asked what hotel they were at and for the number. He gave me the name and told me to find the number on the internet. Being that this was a hotel chain, there were two in that city, so I had to text back and ask which one. He also didn't let me know (depspite another four emails), when he was returning my children. He didn't reply until the morning that he was supposed to return them, only to say it would be the following morning.
I told my lawyer what happened, and he said that the next week he took the kids, I shouldn't release them into his care, until he provides me with this very basic information.
So, in order to avoid a scene, I emailed him on Monday, saying that I know he is planning on taking the kids camping, and to kindly let me know which Provincial Park they were going to, from what date until what date (I call the kids to say goodnight at their request), and what time he would be picking them up from my home and when he would be returning them. I asked that he please let me know by Thursday (he gets them on Monday, but wanted the information before the weekend, in case I needed to call my lawyer). I also told him that I would be out of town for two days with them at the end of the month, told him which hotel we would be at, which dates and provided the hotel's number (despite the fact that he never calls them).
Well, it's now Friday and no reply.
How am I supposed to co-parent with this man? He only replies to emails that he wants to reply to. Or, alternatively, he only answers parts of various emails and ignores other parts. If I don't reply to one of his emails within hours, he texts me with the content of the email, so I am forced to reply right then and there. I feel overwhelmed that for the next ten years or so, I am going to be at this man's mercy. I left the marriage to get away from his need to control everyone, and I still feel like he's calling all the shots. I'm so frustrated and I want peace for the sake of my kids.
Being the pessimist that I am, I'm dealing with worse case scenario. If they decide on joint custody, I have no idea how I'm going to handle this. My daughter was in therapy before we physically split up. I had to temporarily stop therapy, because my ex started cleaning out the bank account each pay, and I couldn't afford to continue with her therapy. Once I moved out, I made her therapy one of my top priorities, and started it back up again. When I pointed out to him, that I'm paying for everything, he got all wound up and said I needed his permission to put her in therapy. I told him it was the same therapist she was going to before, and it only stopped, because he was spending all our money. He demanded for the therapist's name and number (yes, it was the same therapist she went to while we were married). I provided both and told her therapist what happened. She said she'd need his consent and began calling HIM, leaving messages. He did not return her calls. My lawyer wrote a letter, telling him to kindly give his consent and stop ignoring her calls. He claimed she never called (she left three messages) and said he would call her. Nope. Finally, after a month of this nonsense, she finally got hold of him, and he gave consent.
Now, being summer, he got two non-consecutive weeks with the kids. I knew he planned on going out of town with them (they told me), so I emailed, asking that he please provide me with the name of the hotel, phone number and how long they would be out of town. He ignored four emails with this request. He finally texted me and said they were already out of town and he had his cell. I reminded him that he was to tell me before they left, and asked what hotel they were at and for the number. He gave me the name and told me to find the number on the internet. Being that this was a hotel chain, there were two in that city, so I had to text back and ask which one. He also didn't let me know (depspite another four emails), when he was returning my children. He didn't reply until the morning that he was supposed to return them, only to say it would be the following morning.
I told my lawyer what happened, and he said that the next week he took the kids, I shouldn't release them into his care, until he provides me with this very basic information.
So, in order to avoid a scene, I emailed him on Monday, saying that I know he is planning on taking the kids camping, and to kindly let me know which Provincial Park they were going to, from what date until what date (I call the kids to say goodnight at their request), and what time he would be picking them up from my home and when he would be returning them. I asked that he please let me know by Thursday (he gets them on Monday, but wanted the information before the weekend, in case I needed to call my lawyer). I also told him that I would be out of town for two days with them at the end of the month, told him which hotel we would be at, which dates and provided the hotel's number (despite the fact that he never calls them).
Well, it's now Friday and no reply.
How am I supposed to co-parent with this man? He only replies to emails that he wants to reply to. Or, alternatively, he only answers parts of various emails and ignores other parts. If I don't reply to one of his emails within hours, he texts me with the content of the email, so I am forced to reply right then and there. I feel overwhelmed that for the next ten years or so, I am going to be at this man's mercy. I left the marriage to get away from his need to control everyone, and I still feel like he's calling all the shots. I'm so frustrated and I want peace for the sake of my kids.
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