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  • #16
    I finally found the contact info and extension of the individual I spoke with from missingkids.ca after the abduction.

    We spoke a good 4-5 times last year. A very nice lady. She said she would draft a letter and send it to me .. just stating that I contacted them and some other details.

    Just adds to my non - acquiescence stance. Called 911, called her mom, contacted missingkids.ca, started application, texts to ex begging to see D4, begged lawyer to go for EM. Access requests/denials out the ying yang. They cant really try and say I was okay with it and waited. No way!

    It was nice to chat with her. I'm happy we have services like that.

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    • #17
      I'm sending ex this:
      Hi ____,

      I would like to offer that perhaps we explore "Arbitration" (we present our case with or without our counsel to an arbitrator, who gives a decision), or "Med-Arb" (Go through mediation first and any unresolved issues go through arbitration).

      Another great alternative for us would be exploring Collaborative Family Law. This will help us bring a peaceful and equitable conclusion without the win-lose factor.

      I think that we make a good co-parenting team and I believe that we can move forward without the costly, combative, excessive litigation, which in my opinion is not in D4's best interests on any level.

      There are many tools available for settlement that we have not yet explored. Would you be willing to explore these, or any other alternatives?

      Thanks,

      LF32
      Hey .. you never know.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
        I'm sending ex this:

        Hey .. you never know.
        Update the wording to read as an offer to settle. That way you can bring it back if matters move forward and a costs determination needs to be made. There are ways to do this without it sounding too official and still having a flow of communications to it.

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        • #19
          Good idea Takyen. It would need to say this offer remains open until trial too right? Time expiry? And be signed...so not just emailed.

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          • #20
            Good advice .. thanks!!

            Well .. today's my B-Day!! 34 years young. Wishing everyone on the forum's a super day!

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            • #21
              Happy Birthday bud. I think your handle will become a clear testiment of just how long it takes the family court to get things balanced. Let's hope we get it all done by the time your 35.

              There is no doubt joint is in your future, with a slight chance of sole.

              Enjoy the day. Take what you can out of each day...don't let these years pass you by...

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Headwaters1 View Post
                Enjoy the day. Take what you can out of each day...don't let these years pass you by...
                Thanks buddy. I'm slowly learning how to deal with that sinking stomach when I read her affidavit, the sheer betrayal and everything negative she wants to fantasize about. There's a button in your brain your have to turn off. Smile, walk away and plan your next adventure with your child. It's a skill not easily acquired .. but Im almost there.

                Can't be afraid of the thunderstorm my friend .. We need to dance in the rain! As Mr. T. once said .. we're only on this mudball we call earth for so long.

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                • #23
                  Happy happy happy day to you!

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                  • #24
                    At the exchange the other day ex asked if I was going to (other city where my mom lives, an hour out). I said no. But I wondered why she was asking.

                    I just get a text today from her (shes at MIL's) asking if Im going to (that city) again. I said not today. She said that she was having car problems and was hoping Id be in (that city) to lessen her driving from QC (we could meet there).

                    Does that mean she drove her car to QC with a 4 year old knowing there was car problems?

                    I replied that we have plans tomorrow morning in Ottawa (because we do .. so we could not meet there in the morning).

                    BUT, I did offer that we could drive to (that city) tonight to help her out with the driving. To be "reasonable" .. solution-oriented right?"

                    I just got another text saying she was borrowing her moms car and was trying to figure out the technicalities and she would get back to me.

                    I dont know whats a trap and what isnt anymore. Is meeting in Cornwall her way of telling the courts that if she moved to QC that we could meet there from now on (since I'm doing it today?)

                    If she knew she was having car problems when I dropped D4 off why didnt we discuss it then? Hmm.

                    Wonder how this will play out. Seems simple right? Just wait!

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                    • #25
                      Yeah I wouldn't touch it. The court won't see you driving any where as particularly helpful one way or another. This won't get one seconds thought in court.

                      So I would say...deliver the child to me as scheduled.

                      You haven't complained (officially, maybe here) that there is a problem going to QC but then she is fully responsible if that driving is too much.

                      Don't go establishing any new precedents.

                      My vote is - call her back and tell her you will be waiting for her at the usual designated spot at the designated time. Hope you're not late.

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                      • #26
                        I agree with Headwaters1 - do not do anything whatsoever that gives the appearance that you endorse her going to PQ.

                        The only offer I would give to her is to take D4 until such time as she has reliable transportation figured out. I would make it very clear that you do not approve of her driving child around in an unreliable vehicle (not that you can do anything about it but it would be good to have your objection, and concern about the best interest of the child, in writing).

                        This shows, yet again, that she does not put the best interests of the child foremost in decision-making.

                        Score one for your side.

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                        • #27
                          Is that city like a halfway point from QC? Doesn't necessarily mean she had car trouble before when she asked. She may just be trying to limit her driving if it's convenient for you, and then the car problem happened. If she's borrowing MIL's car, there's no need to meet her part way.

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                          • #28
                            Yes it is a halfway point to QC.
                            I just want to remain reasonable and willing to work on solutions. So if she's asking to meet me half way tonight .. even if it's with mils car...that I would.

                            Setting presendents vs. Being reasonable. Not an easy one.

                            Been 2 hours and no reply from her.

                            Also .. if I pick D4 up tonight I'm sure she'll ask to have her sunday next week too...which she can't because we'll be camping.

                            At this point I'd like to just stick to the schedule. But I already threw out the darn offer to meet half way today to be reasonable.

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                            • #29
                              I get the feeling she's trying to set you up for permanent halfway pickups.

                              You offered to meet halfway before she said she could borrow MIL's car. You can still back out of it. If she still had her own car with problems, she shouldn't be meeting you anywhere.

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                              • #30
                                I offered after she said she had mil's wheels. My g/f just told me that we are invited out for supper with friends tonight. Perhaps that's all I say to her .. and stick to ordered schedule tomorrow.

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