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  • Custody gone wrong

    This is my fisrt time telling anyone about my story. I just joined and am looking for help.
    Ok heres my story first before I ask the questions. My oldest daughter was born in 1995. Very happy day. I was single from before she was born. I tried to get her father to be involved with the pregnancy but you can't get blood from a stone. Anyways, For 8 1/2 yrs it was me as her only parent with the help of my parents. Then in Feburary of 2004 my mother thought that it would be a good idea to find her father and get him involved ( without my premission). They had their fisrt meeting ( again without me) a few weeks after the first contact. No body told me what was going on until after all was said and done. I was upset that my mother had done this without me involved at all but I stepped up and tried to be the bigger person. I was fine with her spending time with her father and everything seemed to be going good. Her father had asked me if it would be alright if she went and spent the summer with him. I tossed the idea around for some time before I said OK. Biggest regret of my life now. We had discussed him bringing her back before school started. Well as you might have guessed it didn't happen. He registered her for school with a DNA test. No legal documents. Not my permission nothing. Okay I will keep being the big person here and let it be for now. I told him she better be back when school ended and no more doing anything without discussing it with me first. Next thing I knew I had to make a mad move out of Alberta to Manitoba because my grandfather was gravely ill. ( he's doing a little better) I told her and her father where I was and she asked me to come get her and bring her home. Home to my kids is where mommy is. I told here I would talk to her father and go from there. I had talked to her dad and we had come to an agreement. The agreement was that she would finish off the school year there and that she come here to me for the summer and a school year and then we would talk about it again. He was fine with it. Oh yeah his wife was hit by a train when she was 16 yrs old and then about the end of feb hit by another vechical. My daughters father contacted me when he got home from the hospital from seeing his wife. When he told me about this I asked where my daughter was. He told me she was fine and that she wasn't in the car. Now heres where things get dirty. I got served Easter Sunday 2005 with custody papers. I went to court 3 times and got nowhere but my daughter having to reside with her father. She was here for Christmas and told me about things that had been going on at her fathers that she didn't want to go back and that she hates her father. No my Daughter is only 10yrs old and really wants to talk to the judge and tell the judge that she doesn't want to be near her father or here from him.
    Now my questions are what do I do, what can I do and how do I go about doing it? Please if anyone knows what I can do let me know ASAP. Thank you

  • #2
    Originally posted by Tatyanasmom
    I went to court 3 times and got nowhere but my daughter having to reside with her father.
    What were the terms of the custody/access agreement? Is it interim or a final order?

    Comment


    • #3
      Tatyanasmom,

      Sorry to hear about your circumstance. I am not sure what jurisdiction you are located in but regardless of same, the best interest of the child test will determine final custody of the child. I looked up Alberta law that deals with incidents of custody which can be found at this link.

      http://www.qp.gov.ab.ca/documents/Ac...38896&type=htm


      It is apparent that the father currently has defacto custody of your daughter. This is much the same way that you had defacto custody of your daughter before his involvement for all these years.

      Courts generally do not like to disturb the status quo especially if everything is going fairly good for the child. Timing of a court application is everything.

      The court process is lengthy. Patience is a virtue. I am not sure how much weight would be given to your daughter's opinion in consideration of her age.

      I would ask for the involvement of the children's lawyer to represent your child and have a child/parenting assessment completed.

      Some questions to ask yourself is:

      Is the father of the child a bad parent.
      Is the child well looked after.
      Is the home suitable.
      Is he stable.
      How are your daughter school marks. Did the change in residence have any effect on her grades.

      It is apparent that you will have competing parenting plans. Weight will be given to you that you did look after your daughter and weight will be given to her father as she does reside with him currently. Focus you case on the best interest of the child. It is apparent that your daughter must of given up some friendships and also relationships with your extended family must be now restricted.

      Regardless of who has custody, the other parent has a right to contact with the child. Access is the child's right.

      Comment


      • #4
        Court order

        The court order is Joint custody and access order. I get summer holidays each and every year Christmas and school holidays for 2005. Easter and spring break for 2006. Liberal phone access at least once a week. Each custodial parent will keep the other advised of all health and education matters pertainning the child. The applicant (her father) is responsible for all transpertation of the child for all access purposes. He hasn't complied with much on this court order just her coming to see me here in Winnipeg. I have to fight with him to talk to her on the phone and he only lets her talk to me for about 15 mins. I had to wait until she came out here for Christmas to get a copy of her report card and that let me know how she was doing in school. And he has her on medication that she doesn't need. He won't listen to me when I try to tell him anything. When I had her last summer she was complaining about a sore ankle and I took her to get x rays to find out what the problem was and she also went to an asthma clinci here in winnipeg. I found out that she doesn't have asthma anymore (she grew out of it) and she didn't need to be on inhalers anymore. When I took her to the airport at the end of summer he didn't want to listen to me when I tried to tell him. I guess I want to know where I stand with him not listening to the court order? Thanks for the help

        Comment


        • #5
          Sorry forgot to put down that this court order doesn't have a court seel or a judges signature. Does this mean anything? And its a photocopy

          Comment


          • #6
            There are no custody papers in place, as it sounds, so you keep her until it goes back to court. If you have to continuously delay the proceedings do it; this will give you status quo again. i.e. the longer she is back in a regular routine with you, the better. Ask the court for a children's lawyer to 'represent' your daughter.
            I think you were more lenient than most would have ever been, myself included.
            The nerve of some people to interfere in a child's happy life!!!! It sickens me-not just your story but mine and tons of other people!
            Out of curiouity, has your mother apologized, realized her mistake or feel remorse at all? Just curious.
            Keep posting, you'll get alot of great advice on this forum. Good luck.

            Comment


            • #7
              I apologize for jumping the gun. When I glazed over your 1st post I was so upset that I neglected to grasp that the court gave him custody(interm or final).
              Wow, talk about a craziness. My advice: breath in and out, keep a clear head, talk to anyone who can help(legally or mentally) and believe that God can and will do justice-ask him and trust that he'll do what's best---maybe not in our time but when the timings right. I often have to consciously remind myself or this because I want everything to be peachy NOW, not later.
              Best of everything. Bye for now.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks for the moral support everyone. Some advice has been really helpful. I'm gonna try and keep my head held high just for my kids. But I think that I won't be being to nice to the father of my other 2 kids after what I'm going through now.

                Comment


                • #9
                  That depends on how the other dad has been ; certainly the cliche "once bitten, twice shy" holds true in many situations and yours is no exception.
                  I do have to tell you to document EVERYTHING. Your daughter said there were bad things happening at her fathers house, among other things. Document it!
                  Good luck.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oh the father of the other two children hasn't been any better. After finding out that he was putting all the money in VLT machine or up his nose (coccaine) I kicked him out and he took off for the States to live with his girlfriend for about a yr. He abandonded the twins and hasn't asked anything to do with them. It's becoming a really big mess.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thats awful Tatyanasmom

                      He sounds like he deserves nothing. I really feel for you and your kids.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Just wondering if someone can tell me something about where I stand on the fact that my oldest daughters father isn't comlining with the court order? Any info would help. Thanks again

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Child support

                          This is a question about child support from my oldest daughters father. I was just wondering if I should go after him for child support from the first 8 1/2 yr of her life that he wasn't involved it. He told me that this is the reason he did this and that he never wants to pay child support. Should I go for it?

                          Comment

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